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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 






UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 






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s 



BY AUTHOR OF "MAJOR JONES'S COURTSHIP."-^ 




luoE JiES's T&iims. 

WITH EIGHT lUUSTRATIONS, 

Br Major Joseph Jones. 

(OF PINEVILLE, GEORGIA.) 

"Major Jones's Courtship," "Major Jones's Georgia Scenes," 
" Rancy Cottem's Courtship," etc. 



PHILADELPHIA: 

T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS. 




PRICE 75 CENTS. 



MAJOR JONES'S COURTSHIP 

WITH 21 FULL PAGE ILLUSTRATIONS. 
BY M-A.JOR JOSEPH JONES. 

{OF PINEVIIjLE, GEORGIA.) 

Author of "Rancy Cottem's Courtship," "Major Joneses Chronicles of BineviUe/* 
"Major Jones's Sketches of Travel," etc. 






35 CO 



— o 

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'By this timo tho galls was holt of my cutit-tuil. \u,\h 



toy could." — Page 



ONE VOLUME, SQUARE 12mo., PAPER COVER. PRICE 75 CENT 

JS&^ Major Jone^a Courtship is for sale by all Booksellers and News Agents, or copies of it w 

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" When I was reddy to Htart, I went to the door to see my trunks put on the 
waggon, and when I cum back, thar he stood in the same place, deaf and dum, 
with his hands down by his side, and his head up, looking me rite in the 
f-Ace."— Letter x. p. 95. 



MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS. 




MAJOR JONES. 



PHILADELPHIA: 
T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS; 

306 CHESTNUT STREET. 



Major Jones's Travels. 

DETAILING HIS 

Adventures, Humorous Scenes, and Incidents, 

WHILE ON HIS 

Tour from Georgia to Canada. 



BY MAJOR JOSEPH JOI^ES. 

(Of PlnovUle, GeoreU ) 

ATTTiioB or "major jones's courtship," "rancy cottem's courtship," 

"major jones's GEORGIA SCENES," ETC 



With Eight Illustrations by Darley. 



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PHILADELPHIA: 

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copyright: 

1880. 



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MAJOR JONES'S COURTSHIP. 

Major Jones's Courtship. Author^s New, Enlarged, and Reivritten 
jfJdition. Detailed in a Series of Letters, with Humorous Scenes, Incidents, and 
Adventures. By Major Joseph Jones, of Pineville, Georgia, author of "Rancy 
Cottem's Courtship," " Major Jones's Travels," " Major Jones's Georgia Scenes," 
etc. With Twenty-One Full Page Illustrations, on Tinted Plate Paper, by 
Barley and Cary. One volume, square 12mo., uniform with this volume, price 
75 cents. 

MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS. 

Major Jones's Travels. Detailing his Adventures, Humorous Scenes, 
and Incidents that happened, in each town he visited, while on his tour from 
Georgia to Canada. By Major Joseph Jones, of Pineville, Georgia, author of 
•' Major Jones's Courtship," "Rancy Cottem's Courtship," "Major Jones's Geor- 
gia Scenes," etc. With Eight Full Page Illustrations on Tinted Plate Paper, by 
Darley. One volume, square 12mo., uniform with this volume, price 75 cents. 

MAJOR JOXES'S GEORGIA SCENES. 

Major Jones- s Georgia Scenes. Comprising his celebrated Sketches 
of Georgia Scenes, with his Adventures, Incidents and Charactoi-s he met. By Major 
Joseph Jones, of Pineville, Georgia, author of "Major Jones's Courtship," "Rancy 
Cottem's Courtship," "Major Jones's Travels," etc. With Twelve Full Page 
Illustrations, on Tinted Plato Paper, by Darley. One volume, 12mo., uniform 
with this volume, price 75 cents. 

RANCT COTTEM'S COURTSHIP. 

Rancy Cottem's Conrtsliip. Author'' s Edition. Detailed with Other 
Humorous Sketches and Adventurers. By Major Joseph Jones, of Pineville, Geor- 
gia, author of " Major Jones's Courtship," " Major Jones's Travels," " Major Jones's 
Georgia Scenes," etc. With Eight Full Page Illustrations, on Tinted Plate 
Paper, by Cary. One volume, square 12mo., uniform with this volume, price 50 
cents. 



PREFACE. 



Reader, do you feeJ like gwine on a jurny to the 
north ! If you do, jest take a seat with me, and I'll 
carry you from Pineville to Quebeck, and back agin in 
a little or no time. I don't know as I can offer quite 
sich inducements to travelers, as is offered by some of 
the pop'lar writers of the day ; but if I can't promise 
you sich elegant style nor sich instructive and enter- 
tainin gossip by the way, I can carry you over the 
route as cheap as most of 'em, and with as little dan- 
ger to your morals. 

We will travel in steamboats, ralerodes, stage-coaches, 
and canal-boats, over rivers, lakes and mountains. We 
will visit cities, towns, and country, and see every kmd 
of scenery, and make the acquaintance of all sorts of 
people ; but if the trip should prove dull and uninte- 
restin to you, you can sleep over the long stretches, and 
if you should git cumpletely out of patience with your 
auther, you can stop on the way and git aboard of the 
next book that cums along. 

But in sober yearnest : this little sketch of my perry 
grinations among the big cities of the northern states, 
was rit with no higher aim than to amuse the idle hours 
of my frends, and if it fails to do that, its a spilt job. 
If I had made a bigger book, I'd tuck up too much of 

17 



1^ PREFACE. 

the reader's time with sich unprofitable nonsense, ana 
the strait jacket imposed on me by the limits of my 
volume, made it difficult for me to accomplish what 1 
sot out to do. To git over so much ground even bj 
the shortest route I could find, tuck a good deal of room, 
and if I stopped to introduce a incident or describe a 
interestin scene now and then, I found my letters gittin 
so long that my book wouldn't hold 'em. 

I don't want to be understood, though, as makin a 
apology for my book — not by no means. Sich as it is, 
I'm responsible for it. But with this brief explanation, 
them what waste the time to read what I have rit about 
my travels, will understand why these pages aint no 
more deservin the compliment they thus pay to 

Ther frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 



ILLUSTRATIONS. 



rortrait of Major Joseph Jones on his travels Title Cut. 

" Old Moma was «ittin' in the door when Major Jones went to her, and she 
raised her old dim eyes, almost white with age, and looked at him. 'Why, 
Massa Joe, God bless you ; you gwine away widout tellin pore old Moma good 
by?'" PageZi. 

"Then cnm the kissin bisness. I took the worst job fust, and kissed old 
Miss Stallins and mother, and then kissed the galls two o* three times a 
piece, all round." Paff^ 35. 

"It tuck the breth clean out of me, my tongue felt as if it was full of nee- 
dles, and I drapped the glass and spurted the rest out of my mouth quicker'n 
lightnin, but before I could git breth to speak to tie chap, he ax'd me if I 
wasn't well." Page 87. 

" With that, the little ragged cuss sot up a big laugh, and put his thumb on 
his nose and wiggled his fingers at me. 'Do yju see anything green?' ses 
he, ' eh, hoss ? '" Page 91. 

" When I was reddy to start, I went to the door to see my trunks put on 
the waggon, and when I cum back thar be stood in the same place, deaf and 
dum, with his hands down by his side, and his hed up, lookin me rite in the 
face." Page 95. 

"Says she to Major Jones, I'm a poor woman, my husban's sick, won't yon 
hold this bundle for me till I go in the drug-store for some medicin'. I did 
so, got tired of waiting, and walked down to the lamp-post to see what it was. 
•It was a live baby,' and the sweat poured out of me, I tell you, in a 
stream." .• j Page 128. 

" I soon seed what she was up to, and so I started to p, but the fust thing 
I know'd she had the yarn round my neck, and the next minit 'bout five 
hundred of 'em was pullin at me, all singin, 'Cum with me, my dear.'" 

Page 148. 

(19) 



MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS. 



LETTER I. 

Pineville, Geo., May 5, 1845. 

To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — I have almost giii 
up writin intirely, sense you quit editin the Southern 
Miscellany ; but I spose I'm like other peeple what's 
got the kakoethis skribendy^ as they call it, and never 
will git cumpletely cured of it as long as I live. Dr. 
Mountgomery ses it depends a grate deal how peeple 
take it, whether they ever git over it or not ; sumtimes, 
he ses, when they catch it at school they git cured of it, 
when it comes out, by a few doses of judishus kriticism. 
But he ses he thinks it's a constitootional disease with 
me, and I better jest let it take its course. 

Well, sense my book* has been printed and so many 
thousand copies of it has been sold all over the country, 
I've felt a monstrous curiosity to see a little more of the 
world and the peeple in it, than what a body can see 
out here in the piny- woods ; and as the crap is pretty 
well laid by now, and things is considerable easy with 
me, I've made up my mind to make a tower of travel 
to the big North this summer, jest for gi'eens, as we say 
in Georgia, when we hain't got no very pertickeler 
reason for any thing, or hain't got time to tell the real 

• Major Jones's Courtship, with 21 Engravings. Price 75 cts. 

21 



22 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

one. I'm gwine to take Maiy and little Henry Clay 
fwho's a mazin smart little feller now, I can tell you,) and 
go to New York, and Filadelfy, and Washington City, 
and Baltomore, and Boston and all about thar, and 
spend the summer until pickin time, nockin round in 
them big cities, mong them peeple what's so monstrous 
smart and religious and refined, and see if I can't pick 
up sume idees what'U be worth rememberin. I've got 
a first-rate overseer to take care of the plantation, and 
every thing's fixed for the trip. Mary's tickled to deth 
ai the idee of seein New York, and gettin a new bonne* 
rite from the French milliner ; and the galls is all gwine 
to send for new frocks to be made in the very newest 
fashion. 

Old Miss Stallins, who you know is one of the 
economicalist old wimen that ever lived, hain't got much 
notion of no such doins. She ses its all down-right 
nonsense to spend so much money jest for nothing but 
to travel away off among people what we don't know 
nothin about, and maybe won't never see agin if w^e 
was to live to be as old as Methusleum. The fact is the 
old woman hain't got no notion of them northern people 
no how. Ever sense that feller Crotchett tried to git 
round her for one of her daughters, she can't bear the 
name of the north ; and jest talk to her about water 
privileges, and it puts her in a passion in a minit. She 
ses, Lord knows she wouldnt' give a thrippence to see 
all the bominable Yankees in the world, and as for 
seein the country, she ses ther's as many fine plantations, 
and handsum towns, as many big mountains and rivers, 
and as many cataracks and sulfer springs in Georgia, as 
she wants to see, 'thout gwine away otf on the sea to 
git shipracked maybe, or blowed up by some everlastin 
steamboat bustin its biler. Besides, she ses, it's no won- 
der the southern people is always complainin about hard 
times, when they go to the north every summer and 
sp'^'nd al] ther money in traveiin and byin fineries and 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 23 

northern gigamarees of one kind another what theji 
mought jest as well do without. 

Mother's a little more reasonable 'bout it. She ses 
thatbein as I'm a literary caracter I ought to see something 
of the world, and as it's monstrous troublesome to travel 
with children, w^e better go now, when we hain't got but 
one. She ses it's fashionable to go to the north, and she 
ion't see w^hy I haint as good a right to be like other 
folks, as sum people she knows, what goes to the Sarry- 
togy springs every year, when they can't hardly make 
out to live at home. All she don't like about it is, takin 
little Henry so far from home. She ses if he was to git 
sick at the north then she couldn't be thar to nurse him, 
and Lord only knows what w^ould come of the child. 
But she's bundled up a whole heap of things to make 
yarb tea for the baby when it gits sick, and told Mary 
all how to do, and Prissy's one of the best nurses in the 
world ; so ther ain't no fear about that. Lord knows, 
she ses, old misses needn't trouble herself 'bout little 
massa Harry, for she nussed Miss Mary through all her 
croops and measels and hoopin-coughs, and all manner 
of ailments, and she reckons she ought to know how to 
take care of sick children by this time. I never did see 
sich a proud nigger before in all my life as she is 'bout 
gwine to the north. The galls has been makin some 
new frocks for her, and Mary ses she really does believe 
the creeter's head is turned ; for she can't stand still long 
enufi' to try 'em on. She don't think of nothing else but 
carryin her little massy Harry 'bout New York to look at 
the stores, and she's promised every nigger on the planta- 
tion to bring 'em sumthing from the north. Ned wants 
to go too, but I don't think it's hardly w^orth while to 
take him along for all the use he'd be to us, and then it 
would add to the expense. 

We're all in a muss now gettin ready for the journey, 
and sich other fixin and packin you never did see. I do 
believe old Miss Stallins and mother has packed up 'bout 



24 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

seven trunks full of plunder of one kind and another, ana 
the more we tell 'em that ther ain't no use in takin»so 
much, the more they say we don't know any thing about 
it. Do you think old Miss Stallins hain't put in a heap 
of quilts and pillar-cases! and I do believe if we had a 
trunk big enuff to hold 'em, she'd make us carry a 
eather-bed or two. She ses people never does know 
what they want til they find themselves without it, and 
the best way is always to be on the safe side. She tried 
her best this morning to git Mary to let her put in 'bout 
twenty pounds of country soap. She ses she don't 
care how cheap it is at the north, she knows ther ain't 
no better in the world than her own make ; and she 
don't see any sense in people gwine and spendin ther 
money for things what they've got at home. She's a 
monstrous clever old woman, and I try to humour her 
all I can in her notions, but I can't stand the soap. 

We expect to start day after to-morrow, if nothing 
don't turn up to prevent, and if you think my letters is 
worth the postage, I'll give you my impressions of mat- 
ters and things now and then, whenever I meet any thing 
in my travels worth noticin. 

Hopin you will be alive and able to keep off the 
muskeeters when I cum back this fall, I must bid you 
good-by for the present. So no more from 

Your friend til de.C.i, 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 25 



LETTER II. 



Pineville, Georgia, May 10, 1845. 

To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — This is a world of 
isappintment, shore enuff. All my plans is busted up, 
and I don't know if any thing ever sot me back much 
worse before. You know I had evry thing fixed for a 
journey to the North this summer, with my famly. 
Well, last nite, bein as we was gwine to start the next 
mornin, we had a little sort of a sociable party at our 
nouse, jest by way of makin one job of biddin good 
by to the nabours. 'Mong the rest of 'em, old Mr. 
Mountgomery come to see us and wish us good luck on 
our journey. 

Mary and all of 'em was in a monstrous flurryment, 
and had little Harry all dressed out in his new clothes, 
to let the nabours see how pretty he looked before 
he went away. Old Mr. Mountgomery's monstrous 
fond of children, and always makes a heap of little 
Harry, cause he's so smart ; and the old man tuck him 
up on his knee and ax'd him whose sun he was, and 
how old he was, and a heap of other things what the 
little feller didn't know nothing about. 

" Don't you think it'll improve his helth to take him 
to the North ?" ses Mary to him. 

" 0, yes!" ses he ; "no doubt it'll be a great deal 
of sarvice to the little feller ; but he'll be a monstrous 
site of trouble to you on the road, Mrs. Jones." 

a Yes !" ses Mary ; " but Prissy 's a very careful 
nurse ; and she's so devoted to him that she won't 
hardly let me touch him." 

" O, yes!" ses the old man; "if you could jest take 
Prissy 'long with you, then you'd do very well. But 
there's it, you see — " 



26 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

" What ?" ses Mary ; " you didn't think I was gwme 
to the North without a servant, did you, Mr. Mount- 
gomery?" 

The old man laughed rite out. "Ha, ha, ha!" ses 
he ; " taint possible you is gwine to take Prissy with 
you to New York, is it? Why, Majer," ses he to me, 
" haint you got no better sense than to think of takin 
sich a valuable nigger as that with you, to have her fall 
into the hands of them infernal abolitionists?" 

" The mischief take the abolitionists," ses I ; "I 
reckon they haint got nothing to do with none of my 
niggers." 

The old man shuck the ashes out of his pipe, and 
laughed like he would split his sides. 

" Why, bless yer soul, Majer," ses he, "you couldn't 
keep her from 'em a day after you got to New York. 
No, no!" ses he; "not sich a likely gall as that. 
They'd have her out of yer hands quicker'n you could 
say Jack Robinson." 

Prissy's eyes looked like sassers, and Mary, and 
mother, and all of 'em stared like they didn't know 
what to say. 

" Why, Massa Gummery!" ses Prissy, " um wouldn't 
trouble me if I was long-a' Massa Joe, would dey?" 

"To be sure they would, nigger!" ses Mr. Mount- 
gomery ; " they'd take you whether you wag willin 
or not, in spite of yer Massa Joe, or anybody else." 

" But," ses Mary, " Prissy wouldn't leave us on no 
account — she knows as well as anybody when she's well 
treated ; and Pm sure she couldn't be better taken care 
of no whar in the world." 

" That don't make no manner of difference," ses the 
old man. " They wouldn't ax her nothing about it. 
The fust thing you'd know she'd be gone, and then you 
mought as well look for a needle in a haystack, as to 
try to find a nigger in New York." 

Then he took a paper out of his pocket and red whai 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 27 

A gentleman had his nigger tuck from him, somewhar 
in Providence, and carried rite off and put in jail. 

^' Ki," ses Prissy, lookin like she was half scared out 
of her senses, *' den I aint gwine to no New York, for 
dem pison ole bobolitionists for cotch me." 

" But aint thei no law for nigger stealin, at the 
north?" ses old Miss Stallins. 

"Law!" ses Mr. Mountgomery, "bless you, nol 
They've sold all ther niggers long ago, and got the 
money for 'em — so the law don't care whose niggers 
diey steal." 

Mary sot and looked rite in the fire for 'bout a minit 
without sayin a word. I jest saw how it was. It wan't 
no use for me to think of her gwine with me, 'thout 
Prissy to take care of the baby ; and after what Mr. 
Mountgomery had sed to her, I raought jest as well try 
to git her to stick her hed in the fire as go to New 
York. I never thought of them bominable abolitionists 
before, and I never was so oudaciously put out with 
'em. It was enough to make a man what wasn't 
principled agin swearin, cus like a trooper. Just to 
think — every thing reddy to start, and then to have 
the whole bisness nocked rite in the head by them 
devils." 

" Well," ses Mary, " thar's a eend to my jurney to 
the north. I couldn't think of gwine a step without 
Prissy to take care of the child ; and spose I was to git 
sick, too, way off 'mong strangers — what would I do 
without Prissy ?" 

"Oh! it wouldn't never do in the world," ses old 
Miss Stallins. 

" But," ses Mr. Mountgomery, you could git plenty 
Df servants at the north when you git thar." 

"What!" ses Mary; "trust my child with one of 
\hem good-for-nuthin free niggers ? No, indeed ! I 
wouldn't have one of 'em about me, not for no con- 
wderashun. I never did see one of 'em what had any 



28 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

breedin, and they're all too plagy triflin to take care 
of themselves, let alone doin any thing else." 

" No ! but," ses the old man, " they've got plenty 
of white servants at the north, what you can hire foi 
/ittle or nothing." 

" Goodness gracious !" ses old Miss Stallins ; " white 
servants ! Well, the Lord knows I wouldn't have none 
of 'era 'bout me." 

" Nor me neither," ses Mary. " It may do weli 
enufffor people what don't know the difference between 
niggers and white folks ; but I could never bear to see 
a white gall toatin my child about, and waitin on me 
like a nigger. It would hurt my conscience to keep 
anybody 'bout me in that condition, who was as white 
and as good as me." 

'^ That's right, my child," ses old Miss Stallins; "no 
Christian lady could do no such thing, I don't care who 
they is." 

I know'd the jig was up, and I was like the boy what 
the calf run over — I didn't have a word to say. 

" But," ses Mr. Mountgomery, '' the're brung up 
to it." 

" Well," ses Mary, " the more sin to them that brings 
'em up to be servants. A servant, to be any account 
as a servant, is got to have a different kind of a spirit 
from other people ; and anybody that would make a 
nigger of a white child, because it was pore, hain't got 
no Christian principle in 'em." 

" But," ses Mr. Mountgomery, " you know, Mrs. 
Jones, when you're in Rome, you must do as Rome 
does. If the northern people choose to make niggers 
gentlemen, and their own children servants, you can't 
help that, you know." 

" Yes ; but," ses Mary, " niggers is niggers, and 
white folks is white folks, and I couldn't bear to see 
neither of 'em out of ther proper places. So, if I've 
got to have "white servants to wait on me, or stay at 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 29 

home, I'll never go out of old Georgia long as I live, 
that's what I wont." 

" Then, Mary," ses I, " is our journey to be busted 
up, shore enuff ?" 

" no, Joseph ; you can go, and I'll stay home with 
mother. Maybe I won't have many more summers to 
be with her, and I'd feel very bad afterwards, to think 
I neglected her when she w^as with us." 

The old woman put her arms round Mary's neck, and 
squeezed her til the tears come into her eyes. 

" My sweet, good daughter," ses she ; " bless your 
dear hart, you always was so kind to your pore old 
mother." 

That made Mary cry a little ; and little Harry, thinkin' 
something was the matter, sot up a squall, too, til his 
mother tuck him and talked to him a bit, and then 
Prissy come and carried him in tother room. 

I didn't know what to do. I always hate terribly to 
be backed out of any thing what I've sot my mind on ; 
but to go to the north without takin' Mary along, w^as 
something I didn't like to think about. But then, after 
all my 'rangements was made, and I'd shuck hands and 
bid good-by to 'most everybody in Pineville, it was too 
'bominable bad to be disappinted thataway. But after 
a while I told Mary I'd stay home, too, and go some 
other time. 

*' No, no, Joseph," ses she ; " I know you want to 
go, and I want to have you go, cause it'd do you good 
to see the north and git acquainted with the world. 
When little Harry gits big enuff so he can take care ot 
himself, then we can take a journey together in spite of 
the old abolitionists; and then you'll know all about 
the country, and it'll be a great deal pleasanter for 
us all." 

" That's a fact ; Mrs. Jones is right, Majer," ses Mr 
Mountgomery. " You'd better leave your famly ai 
home this time. You wont be gone more'n a month 



30 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

or so, and I reckon Mrs. Jones ain't afraid to trust you 
that long 'mong the Yanky galls." 

Mary blushed terrible. 

'' But," ses I 

'* ! you ain't 'fmid of her runnin off with anybody 
fore you git back, is you?" ses he. Then the old feller 
aughed like he would die. 

" Ain't you 'shamed, Mr. Mountgomery, to talk that 
a-way ?" ses Mary. 

" You needn't be 'fraid of that, brother Joe," ses 
sister Calline, " for me and Kizzy '11 watch her mon- 
strous close while you're gone." 

" Shaw," ses I ; "you can't make me jealous." 

" Nor me, neither," ses Mary. 

Then old Mr. Mountgomery laughed till he knocked 
the fire out of his pipe all over himself, and that sot the 
galls and all of 'em to laughin worse than ever. 

But I tell you what, Mr. Thompson, (and you're a 
married man and will blieve what I say,) I didn't feel 
much like laughin myself. I never did like this Yanky 
way of married people livin' all over creation without 
seein one another more'n once in a coon's age ; and 
the idee of 'gwine off and leavin' Mary, for a whole 
month, tuck all the rinkles out of my face whenever I 
tried to laugh. But the difficulty was, I couldn't help 
myself. If I staid home, I couldn't be contented 
about it, and all the fellers would be rigin me^ 'cause I 
could'nt leave my wife long enough to go to the north. 
So I made up my mind to go anyhow, and make the 
best I could of it. 

Bimeby old Mr. Mountgomery 'lowed it was time 
to be gwine home ; so he bid us good-by, and promised 
to come and see me off to-morrow mornin. 

After the old man was gone we all sot round the fire 
and talked the thing over in a family way. Mary looked 
monstrous serious, but she's got too much good sense 
to make a fuss 'bout sich things. She ses I must ritf 



MAJOR JONES*S TRAVELS. 31 

to her every day, and I must be very careful and nt., 
git shipracked or bio wed up in any of the steambotes; 
or rail-rodes, and I must take care and not ketch no 
colds by exposin myself in the cold weather at the north, 
whar people, she ses, dies off with the consumption like 
sheep does with the distemper. 

All our trunks has got to be overhauled and my 
fhings put by themselves, so I can't start til to-morrow 
inornin. I'm gwine as far as Augusty in my carriage, 
t\nd then take the rail-rode to Charlston. If no other 
botherment don't turn up to pervent, you shall hear 
from me on my Travels pretty soon. So no more from 
Your frend, til deth, Jos. Jonfs. 

P. S. Prissy's raised a perfect panick 'mong the nig- 
gers on the plantation 'bout the abolitionists. Pore 
creeter, her hart's almost broke cause she can't go to the 
north wdth her misses and little massa Harry ; and I do 
bheve she's as fraid of the abolitionists as she is of the 
very old Nick himself. You ought to hear some of the 
niggers' descriptions of 'em. When Prissy told old 
Ned w4iat Mr. Mountgomery sed — how they carried off 
all the niggers they could ketch, and put 'em in jail so 
thev couldn't never go back to ther white folks, ses he 
to her — " Ki, gall, youna no tell dis nigger nulfin bout 
dem catde ; cus 'em, me hear ole massa tell bout 'em 
fore you born. Aligator aint no suckemstance to 'em. 
'Em got horns like billy-gote, and big red eyes like ball 
ob fire ; and 'em got grate long forkit tail like sea-sai 
pent, and jes kotch up pore nigger, same like me hook 
cm trout. Ugh, chile, dey wusser'n collerymorb\is.' 
2 



32 MAJOR Jones's travels. 



LETTER III. 

Augusty, Georgia, May 12, 1845. 

To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — This far I have tra- 
velled in the bowels of the land without any diffikilty, 
as Mr. Shakespeer ses ; but whether I'm gwine to git 
safe to my jurny's eend, or find myself Hke Jony m the 
bowels of a whale's belly before I git home agin, is a 
bisness what opens a fine field for speckelation, as the 
cotton byers ses. 

But that's neither here nor thar. I sot down to tel) 
you 'bout my jurny to this city. Well, this mornin all 
the famly was up Ijefore the crack of day gettin reddy 
for me to start. Evrything was reddy three or four 
days ago, but it seemed like the nearer the time come 
to start, the more ther was to do. Thar was old Miss 
Stallins in the kitchen raisin a harrycanc among the 
niggers 'bout gettin breckfust for me — the niggers was 
all crazy 'bout my gwine away — Ned ^^as rairin ana 
pitchin 'bout the lot cause one of tiie little niggers 
let the horses git out of the stable- -some of the har- 
ness was lent — old Simon had tuck the tar-bucket 
off with him, so ther wasn't no way to grease the car- 
rige — Piissy upsot the tea-kittle, gittin some water for 
me to shave — Fanny tripped up and spilt all the biskits 
in the yard — the galls was lookin for the kee of my 
trunk, what couldn't be found no whar — little Harry 
was squallin like blazes cause he couldn't have on hi> 
new hat and cote and go with me in the carrige — anc 
in the middle of the everlastin rumpus, I like to cut my 
nose off with the razer ! 

Bimeby though, things all settled down into a pretty 
considerable calm. Ned cotcht the horses — the harness 
was brung home — the wheels was greased — th*» kee 



MAJOR JONESES TRAVELS. 33 

was found rite whar Mary had put it herself— little 
Harry stopped cryin — my nose stopped bleedin, and 
breckfust was sot ; but after all ther wasn't one could 
eat a mouthful, spite of all the 'swadin old Miss Stallins 
could do. 

Mary tuck on considerable, pore gall ; though she 
tried to hide it all she could. She didn't have much 
to say, but she looked monstrous droopy; and when- 
ever I tried to cheer her up by tellin her I wouldn't 
stay no longer than I could help, her lips would sort o' 
quiver, and she'd turn round to tend to the baby or 
something ; but when she looked at me agin, her long 
eyelashes was damp with tears. Ah ! Mr. Thompson, 
me and you know how to predate the deep pure fount- 
ing irom whar them tears flowed — we married men 
know how to vally the ever-gushin feelins of a true 
woman's hart, which, like the waters of the spring what 
no summer can't dry up and no winter freeze, is cool- 
est when the day is hottest and grows warmer when the 
world grows cold. I felt monstrous bad myself, but it 
wouldn't do to let on, for I know'd it would only make 
her worse. 

By this time old Mr. Mountgomery, and cousin Pete, 
and a heap more nabors, and all the niggers on the 
plantation, was come to bid me good-by. Old Termi- 
nation, my driver, was mounted on the box, with his 
clean clothes on, and a bran new lash to his whip, the 
proudest nigger you ever did see. He couldn't notice 
none of the rest of 'em for his shirt collar, but if any 
of the little niggers come too close to his team, axin 
him to by 'em something in Augusty, he was monstrous, 
apt to anser 'em with a little tetch of the lash. 

When the trunks was tied on, and old Miss Stallins 
was sure ther wasn't nothin forgot — which she sed slie 
tnow'd ther would be — I went through the shakin hands 
with the nabors. 



34 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

'* Good by, Majer," ses old Mr. Mountgnmery, " 1 
wish you a plesant jurny and a safe return." 

" Thank you," s.is I. 

" Good by, Joe," ses Pete — " don't you git in no 
ass witk them abolitionists — if you do, old feller, you 
won't find no frends thar, mind I tell you." 

" Don't you fear for me," ses I — ^' Good by, and 
take care of yourself." 

" Good by, Majer," ses all of 'em, as they shuck my 
hand. 

Then here come all the niggers. 

*^ Good by, Massa Joe," ses all of 'em. 

" Good by," ses I, '' and be good niggers till I come 
bark " 

'' Don't let none of dem pesky old bobolitionists kotch 
you, Massa Joe," ses Prissy. 

" Massa Joe, massa Joe, ant Moma say cum da!" 
ses one of the little niggers. 

Pore old Moma was the fust nigger my father ever 
owned. She's more'n a hundred years old now, and 
her bed's as white as the cotton she use' to pick for us 
when she was a gall. She's been monstrous porely this 
winter, and hain't been able to go out of her little house 
in the yard, whar she's lived ever sense she was too old 
to do anything on the plantation. She was 'fraid I was 
gwine off without bidden her good by, and that's the 
reason she sent for me. She was settin in the door 
when I went to her, and she raised her old dim eyes, 
almost white with age, and looked at me. 

" Why, Massa Joe, God bless you; you gwine away 
widout tellin pore ole Moma good by? — ole Moma 
what use to nuss you, when you was leetle baby like 
leetle massa Harry. Moma no able run after Massa Joe 
now — maybe ole Moma neber see you gin. Pore ole 
Moma, lib too long — make trouble for white fokes ; Init 
Moma's time mose come." 

" No, no, Moma," ses I, " you mustn't talk that* 




" Old Moma was sittin' in the door when Major Jones went to her, and she 
raised her old dim eyes, almost white with age, and looked at him. ' Why, 
Massa Joe, God bless you; you gwine away widout telliu' poor old Moma 
good-by ?' "—Letter Vn.p. 34. 



MAJou Jones's travels. 35 

Away. Y'^u know you aint no trouble to us, and you 
was always a good servant." 

The pore old creeter brightened up, and tried to 
smile. 

'' Good by, Moma," ses I, as I tuck her pore old 
hand in mine; "take good care of yourself till I cum 
home, and let your young misses know w^henever you 
want any thing. Good by, old nigger." 

" Bless ye, bless ye, Massa Joe — bless Miss Mary 
and leetle massa Harry. God bless you all — good 
by." 

The faithful old creeter tried to press my hand, but 
she was too weak, and when I let go her hand it drapt 
into her lap, and she follered me with her eyes as far as 
she could see me through her tears. 

Then cum the kissin bisness. I took the worst job 
fust, and kissed old Miss Stallins and mother. I didn't 
mind kissin mother, cause it seemed all right and 
natural; but I always did hate to kiss old wimmin 
what hain't got no teeth, and I was monstrous glad 
old Miss Stallins had her handkerchef to her face, for 
in the hurryment I kissed it, and the old woman was 
in such a flustration she didn't know her lips from any 
thing else. I kissed the galls two or three times a 
piece, rite afore cousin Pete, who smacked his lips, 
and looked sort o' cross-eyed every time. But when 
I cum to look for Mary, she was gone in the house. 
Thar she was, sittin in her rockin chair, leanin her face 
on her hand, and the tears runnin down her cheeks 
in a stream. When I got close to her she riz up and 

put her arms round my neck. 1 can't tell you what 

she sed, nor how many, nor how long, nor how sweet 
them kisses was. Them's famly aflairs, and ain't for 
nobody to know. After she dried her eyes as well 
as she could, she went with me to the carrige. Prissy 
was holdin little Harry reddy for his kiss. I tuck the 
little feller in my arms and gin him one good lor 



36 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

squeeze, and then got in. Termination poppea his 
whip and away he went, leavin Mary and all of 'era 
cryin cause I was gone, and the baby kickin anc' 
squaUin like rath cause he couldn't go too. 

Separashuns is monstrous tryin things to peeple what 
ain't use to 'em, and I couldn't help feelin very sollum- 
colly all the way to Augusty. The rode is one of 
the lonesummest in the world, and I never was so 
put to it to keep my sperits up. Ther was nothin 
new or interrestin to attract my 'tention, and whenever 
I thought bout home the worse I felt. Mary's partin 
injunkshuns was still soundin in my ears, and when- 
ever I shut my eyes I could see her standin on the 
piazzy lookin after me, with the grate big tears runnin 
down her cheeks, and sparklin like dimonds in her 
curls, that was hangin in disorder 'bout her sweet 
face ; and then thar was little Harry puttin out his dear 
little arms and cryin like his hart would brake, cause 
he couldn't ride in the carriage with me. It wouldn't 
do to think of fhem things, so I tried to sing, and 
the fust thing I know'd, 1 was hummin the song what 
begins : 

Ther's meetins of pleasure and partins of grief, 
But a inconstant loveyer is worse nor a thief; 
A thief he will rob you, and steal all you have, 
But a inconstant loveyer'U take you to the grave. 

You mustn't think that song was suggested by any 
jellous fears on ray part ; no indeed, not by a jug 
full : but you know how wimmin will talk sumtimes on 
sich occasions. They say a heap, jest to see what 
you'll say. 

I got here about noon and stopped at the Globe 
Hotel, and sent Termination back home with the car- 
rige. Pore feller, he hated to leave me monstrous, 
and when he shuck hands with me, he couldn't hardly 
Boeak, and his eyes looked like two peeled unions 




" Then cum the kissiu' business. I took the worst job fust, and kissed old 
Miss Stallins and mother, and then kissed the gals two or three times a-piece, 
all around." — Letter \n.p. 3'). 



swimmin in their own juice. " Good bye, Massa Joe," 
ses he, " but don't stay away from Miss Mary long, if 
you spec to see her live when you cum back." 

After dinner I tuck a walk down the street to set 
the town. Augusty's a monstrous pretty city, but i< 
ain't the place it used to was, not by a grate site 
It seems like it was rottin off at both eends, and ain't 
growin much in the middle ; and the market-houses 
what a few years ago you couldn't hardly see for the 
wagons, looks more like pretty considerable large mar- 
tin-boxes standin in the middle of the grate wide 
street, than places of bisness. The peeple that laid 
out the city must been monstrous wide between the 
eyes, and made very large calculations for bisness ; 
for they've got it stretch'd out over ground enuff to 
make two or three sich towns, and Broad street, whar 
the stores is, is wide enuff for the merchants to charge 
exchange from one side to tother. I see by the papers 
that they're gwine to dig a big canal, as they call it, 
and turn the river up stream into the common, so 
they can go into the mannyfacterin of cotton. That's 
a sort of bisness I don't know nothin about, and I can't 
say how it'll turn out, but there's one thing very cer- 
tain, and that is, if the Augusty people don't do some- 
thing to start bisness agoin agin, all the houses in the 
city won't rent for enuff to feed 'em. The fact is, if 
the people of Georgia don't take to makin homespun 
and sich truck for themselves, and quit their everlastin 
fuss 'bout the tariff and free trade, the fust thing they'll 
know, the best part of their popilation will be gone 
to the new States, and what'll be left won't be able 
to raise cotton enuff to pay for what they'll have to buv 
from the North. 

The fust man I met in Broad-street was Mr. Peleg. 
" Why, hellow, Majer Jones," ses he, " what's brung 
you to town?" 

I told him I was gwine to the North. 



38 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

" Well !" ses he, " Majer, you must spend a day 
with us, enny how, and I'll interduce you to some of 
my friends here. They're all admirers of your's, and 
would be very glad of a oppertunity to make youi 
acquaintance." 

Well, I walked along with Mr. Peleg to his storo, 
and on the way he interduced me to 'bout twenty gen- 
tlemen, most all of 'em Pelegs. 'Mong the rest, Mr. 
Peleg introduced me to Doctor Klag, perfesser of ho> 
ticulteral science in Augusty. Mr. Peleg told me that 
die doctor was the greatest man in his line in them 
parts, for he could make trees g7'ow twice in two places. 
Dr. Klag certainly looks like he might be a genus of 
"•ome sort, and seems to be very much tuck up with his 
perfession, for the fust thing he sed to me was some- 
thing 'bout cedars and arbor-vites, what he sed he'd 
warrant not to dy. Ther was some mistake about 
it, which wasn't very clearly explained by Mr. Peleg. 
The Doctor's got one very curious sort of a oyster- 
lookin eye, and tother one has a kind of sky-rakin look, 
so you can't tell what upon yeath he's lookin at. He 
sed he'd call agin, and Mr. Peleg and me stepped 
into a watch store whar ther was some more Pelegs, 
and then, rite next door, we went in whnr ther was a 
lot more of 'em. They was all very gidd to see me, 
and invited me to come up to Mr. Lampblack's that 
evenin, to hear a lecture on the moon, by some great 
[)erfesser, whose name I've forgot. They all seemed 
like monstrous clever fellers, but I couldn't see how 
upon yeath they was all named Pelegs, for they didn't 
look no more alike than any body else. But jest be- 
fore tea, my old frend Whiskers, what scared Mary so 
up to Athens, you know, (would you beiieve it, Mr. 
Thompson, every bit of his sorrel hair drap't out when 
he read that Athens letter of mine, and now it's grow'd 
all out as black as your hat!) come round to see me 
and told me aP about the Pelegs. 



89 



Well, they is the devilishest set of feiiers for piaym 
tricks on peeple ever was trumped up any whar, ycm 
may depend. Every now and then they're ketchin 
up some green feller, and puttin him tliroo, as they 
call it. I'll jest give ycu a instance. T'other day 
one of General Kittledrum's lutenants come over from 
South Carolina to git up a singin skool in Augusty. 
He brung his commishun from the Guvernor as a 
recommendation. That was enuff for the Pelegs, who 
tuck him in hand and soon got up all sorts of a skool 
for him. He had 'bout a hunderd of 'em down on 
his list, at twenty-five dollars a quarter, in no time. 
The feller was almost out of his senses at the idee of 
makin his fortin so soon, and was willin to do any 
thino- the Pelegs sed was necessary to stablish his 
repetation as a music-master. In the fust place, they 
tuck him into a back room and made him put his 
hands on the globes, and swore him 'bout his faith 
in certain doctrinal pints which they sed was very 
imfc/lant in a singin master. One of 'em red out, 
in a very solem voice, bout the rain fallin upon the 
yeath forty days and forty nites ; and then another one 
sed to him, "Lutenant Odin, with your rite hand 
on the celestial globe and your left hand on the 
terestial globe, do you swar to that?" Ses he, *'I 
do." Then they swore him bout Samson kilhn the 
Fillistines with the jaw-bone of a jackass, and bout 
Faro and his host gettin swallered up in the Red Sea, 
and a heap of other things. Then, after puttin^ him 
throo the manuel exercise for bout two owers, nte m 
the brilin sun, they sed he must give 'em a specymen 
of his vokel powers at the theati 5, before all his skollers. 
Well, they rigged him out on the stage, and had him 
howlin all manner of meeters and kees, and givin ex- 
pianashuns, afore a whole theater full of Pelegs, tdJ 
they got tired of the fun, when the fust thing the feller 
knowd, a man stepped on the stage, and rested him 



40 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

for hos steelin, rite in the middle of Old Hunderd, or 
a high kee. The pore feller was skared almost tc deth^ 
and swore he never tuck a horse nor nothin else what 
didn't belong to him, in all his born days — he tuck out 
his comishun and show'd the guvernor's hand-ritin. 
But all he could do or say didn't signify nothin. The 
constable tuck him to a room whar the Pelegs hold their 
courts, and thar they put him throo a reglar trial, and 
made a convicted hos theaf out of him by the strongest 
kind of testimony. Some of the Pelegs was his frends, 
and done all they could for him; but it was no use — he 
was condem'd to be hung according to Carolina law, 
and was to be sent to jail to wait till the day of execu- 
tion. The pore feller trembled so he couldn't hardly 
stand, and the swet started out of his face like he'd 
been mawlin rails all day. His frends told him his 
only chance was to escape when they was takin him to 
jail, and promised that they'd try to git him loose from 
the constable, and then he must run across the bridge 
into Carolina as if the very old Harry was after him. 
Shore enuff, when they got him near the bridge, his 
frends got him away from the constable, and a straiter 
coat-tail than he made across that old bridge, was 
never seed in Georgia. And that's the last that's 
ever been seed or heard of Lutenant Odin, the singin 
master. 

1 spected something wasn't rite when I seed so many 
of 'em ; but they know who to project with. They 
didn't git me to go to none of their lecters on the moon, 
mmd I tell you. 

I'm gwine in the morning to Charleston. It's mon- 
strous late, and the rale-road starts before day-light 
So no more from 

Your frend til deth, Jos. Jones. 



MAJOR jo:jes's travels. 



41 



LETTER IV. 



Charleston, S. C, May 15, 1845 
To Mr. Thompson:-! arriv here last evenin 'bout 
three o'clock, rite side up, all safe and sound Fore day- 
Lht yesterday mornin the nigger at the hotel m Augusty 
nicked me up, and told me the omnibus for the ra.lrode 
was waitin forme. I wasn't no time gettin reddy, and 
in a few minits I was ridin over the bndg what Luten- 
ant Odin clared so quick when he got loose from the 
Pelet's, on my way to the Carolma railrode. 

I Sever was in die knd of shivelry before and .. had 
a good deal of curiosity to see what kind of a place it 
wfs whar the people lived what they say all sneezes 
everv time Mr. Calhoun takes snuft— and whar (ge- 
neral Kittledrum's men was born "with arms in ther 
hands," reddy and termined to take Texas from the 
Mexicans, whether or no. Well, my opinion is if Mr- 
Dickens was to see Hamburg he wouldn't find the same 
fault with it that he did with Boston The white an 
red paint in Hamburg wouldn't hurt his ej-es much and 
when he went to sleep at night he might be monstrous 
certain that he'd find it thar in the mornin. he fact s 
Hamburg is like the Irishman's horse-.t is little but s 
"id It was bilt long before the flood, and is got the 
marks of antickuty in evry old rotten shingle evry un- 
nailed clapboard, and in evry broken pane "' g'^'^^- 

Don't misunderstand me, Mr. Thompson ; I ain t hkc 
some travellers into foreign parts, ^^1;^' takes pains to 
humbug ther readers 'bout evry grate city they visit, jest as 
ifnoboly was ever thar before. Not by no means. When 



42 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

I say Hamburg was bilt before the flood, I don't mom 
the flood what drownded out all creation cept old father 
Noey and his cargo of varmints, but I mean the flood 
of 1840, what overflowed the whole country from 
Shoolts's Hights to the Sand Hills in Georgia, settin the 
fences and gin-houses a shassain and dancin hands-all- 
round with the pig-pens and chicken-coops of a thou- 
sand river plantations. The oldest inhabitants of Ham- 
burg is all antydeluvians. and some of 'em is sposed to 
be amfibious. History don't give any satisfactor} ac- 
count of whar they cum from, but it's generally blieved 
that the illustrious founder of the city is one of the same 
Dutch of what tuck Holland. He's a monstrous man in 
his way, and though he didn't bild a ark — cause he had 
no warnin beforehand — he bilt a bridg what's stood a 
thousand thunderstorms and freshets, and all the floods 
.sense the days of Noey couldn't tear it up. It was very 
early in the mornin when we druv through the city to 
the depo, and I couldn't form much of a opinion 'bout 
the bisness of the place. At that time o' day it was 
monstrous still and looked very much like a barn yard 
does when ther's hawks about. 

Jest before we got to the depo, ses the man what's 
captain of the omnibus, ses he, " Major, I'll take your 
fare, if you please." Cum to find out, he meant a half 
a dollar, for carryin me and my baggage to the railrode. 
He's a monstrous clever little man, but a terrible politi- 
shan — so I paid him, and he soon sot us down on the 
platform by the cars. 

Ther was a considerable bustle and fuss bout the depo, 
gettin reddy to start. The passengers was gittin ther 
tickets and ther checks for ther baggage, what some fel- 
lers was nockin about like they would tear the hide off 
evry trunk ther was thar, stowin 'em away in the cars — 
some people was runnin about biddin good-by with ther 
frends, and tellin 'em not to forgit a heap of things, and 
sum was kickin up a rumpus cause they couldn't see ther 



MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS. 



43 



hunks after they was put in the cars Bimeoy evry 
thin<^ was fixed, and here cum old Beelzebub, with his 
fire,%moke, sutbags and thunderations, to carry us to 
Charlston. When I saw that everlastin, black, ugly 
thing cum chug up agin the cars for 'em to Jackie it on 
fizziS and fryin, and smokin like a tar kill, I thought 
how if I was a hos or a mule, I'd take my hat off to it 
If ther ever was a thing what deserves a vote of thanks 
from all the pullin generation of animals, I think it sthe 
locomotive ingine. Jest to think, the amount of hos flesh 
it has saved sense it tuck to carryin the mails. A loco- 
motiv always seems to me to cum nearer a livm ammal, 
than any other machine invented by man, specially sense 
they've ffot to hollerin at the cows when they git on the 
tr^ck. It's a monstrous fractious, spiteful, headstrong 
sort of a creeter, and sumtimes it takes it mto its hed to 
run off the track, but generally speakin it's jest about as 
governable as any other team, and don't take no more 
to feed it accordin to its size and strength. I can t help 
but have a sort of feelin for 'em, and I wouldn't no more 
think of makin 'em go without givin 'em plenty of wood 
and water, than I would of makin my horses work with- 
out ffivin 'em plenty of corn and fodder. 

Lino-! ling! went the bell. "All aboard," ses the 
captaiS, and the next minit away we went with the thun- 
derinest rattlin, puffin and snortin I ever did hear. In 
a few minits Hamburg was out of sight, and the pine 
trees went dancin along behind us, as if ther roots 
couldn't hold 'em in the ground when they saw us 
comin among 'em. 

Ther ain't nothin much to interest the traveller on the 
railrode from Hamburg to Charlston ; and if a man 
can't find no company in his thoughts, he's monstrous 
apt to be lonesome. Along at the fust ther wasn t many 
passengers, and most of them was preachers what 
had been up to Augusty to tend a convention Ihey 
was the dryest set of old codgers I ever met with, ul the 



44 

joltin of the cars shuck up ther idees a little, and then 
they fell to disputin about religion like all rath. After 
awhile one old feller, what had his hed tied up with a 
red cotton handkerchef, and didn't belong to the same 
church with the rest of 'em, mixed in with 'em, and in 
about five minits they got into one of the hottest kind 
of argyments 'bout sprinklin and dippin. The old hard- 
shell laid about him like rath, and the louder the racket 
and the more dust the cars made, the louder the old 
feller fired away at 'em, and whenever he stopped for 
breth, two or three of the others was down on him like 
a Yankee thrashin-machine. They kep up one everlastin 
string of argyment about forty-five miles long, and to 
them what sot a little ways off from 'em, and could only 
hear a few words now and then, it sounded zactly like a 
reglar cussin match ; and sumtimes they'd look at one 
another like they meant jest what they sed. Bimeby the 
old hardshell caved in for want of breth, and all the rest 
of the way he was hockin and hemin, and tryin to git the 
dust and sinders out of his wind-pipe. 

Evry now and then we stopped and tuck in moie pas- 
sengers. 'Bout halfway to Charlston we tuck in two 
ladys and a little baby. One was a old lady, and she 
held the little boy, w^hich was a butiful little feller, 'bout 
the size of my little Harry, in her lap. The other was 
a handsome young gall, and she was cryin. You know 
how butiful a pretty woman looks when she's cryin, but 
you know that's the very time no gentleman ought to 
stare at 'em. Well, she tried to dry her eyes as fast as 
she could, but every now and then the tears would bust 
out agin in grate big draps, and then she'd put her hand- 
kerchef to her face. Sumtimes she would look at a 
ring she had on her finger, and then the tears would 
come agin. I felt monstrous sorry for lier, but I tried 
not to let her see me lookin at her. Bimeby a sort of 
skimmilk-lookin feller cum and tuck a seat rite close by 
Uer, and looked her rite spang in the face, like he was 



MAJOR JONES*S TRAVELS. 45 

gwine to eat her up. The poie gall hadn't a very strong 
stummuck, I spose, and turned away fromi him. He fol- 
/er'd her, and she turned back again, and thar he was 
agin, with his everlastin sheep's eyes, lookin her rite in 
the face. Thinks I, drat your imperence, I wish tha< 
gall was my cousin. Just then she looked up to me 
as much as to say. Sir, did you ever see such insurance ? 
and I looked back to her, as much as to say, No, Miss, 
I'll be drat if I ever did ; and the next minit I gin the 
feller a sort of a cross-cut look, as much as to say be 
was a infernal imperent puppy. He looked back that 
he begged my pardon, he didn't know she w^as any 
thing to me ; then I looked a kickin at him, if he didn't 
look out, and he looked tother way a little while, and 
then tuck himself off into another car. The young lady 
sot thar a minit or two, then looked the sweetest kind 
of a thank you, sir, to me, and went and tuck a seat by 
the side of the old lady. They talked together, and 
looked over now^ and then tow^ards me. 

Nothing didn't turn up of interest on the way, and 
biraeby I begun to see signs of town. The closer we 
got to Charlston, the thicker the plantations and houses 
begun to git. Biraeby I could see the steeples ; and in 
a few minits more we was rollin along among the little 
old frame houses, til we got to the depo. And now 
the fuss commenced. Sich a everlastin rumpus I never 
^eed before. Soon as the gates w^as open here cum a 
{ang of fellers with whips in their hands, poppin and 
baappin about 'mong the passengers, axin us to go here 
and go thar, and whar's our baggage, and if we was 
gwine to the boat, and more'n twenty thousand other 
questions before we could answer the fu5>t one. The 
fust thing I know^d a feller, had one of my trunks one 
way and another one had tother carryin it off in another 
direction, while two more was pullin the life out of my 
carpet bag to see which should have it. I shuck the 
two fellers off my trunks monstrous quick, and was jesl 



46 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

gwine to tackle the chaps what had my carpet bag 
when who should I see but my old frend, Bill Wiley, 
what used to live up to the old Planters' Hotel, ih 
Madison, you know. 

*' Why, hellow, Majer," ses he, " is that you?" 

" I blieve it is, Mr. Wiley," ses I, " but thar aint no 
"fellin how long I'll last, if I don't git away from these 
oudacious scamps." 

*' Well," ses he, '' Majer, jest pint out your baggage 
to Patrick here, and then foller me." 

I show'd 'em to Patrick, and then went with Mr. 
Wiley and got into the omnibus, what tuck me, with a 
whole lot of other passengers, to the Charlston Hotel. 
When I got thar, they axd me to put my name down 
in a big book, and then it tuck me 'bout a ower to git 
the dust and smoke off my face. As soon as I w^as 
done washin here cum three or four niggers with little 
short-handled brooms, and begun to sweep the very life 
out of me. I hollered at 'em and ax'd 'em what in the 
mischief they meant ; but they jest thrashed away as 
hard as they could lick it — first at me and then on their 
hands — keepin up the devlishest drummin I ever heard ; 
and the more I twisted and turned to try to git out of 
ther way, the harder they kep at it. Bimeby I sent one 
of 'em a lick aside of his bed, what put a stop to his 
fun, and the rest tuck the hint ; but one tall yaller feller, 
what wanted to make a few extra flourishes, got a kick 
jest as he was leavin, that raised him right off" the floor. 
I never did see the like of 'em in all my born days. I 
do blieve they'd have a brush at a man if they had to 
tlirow him down and hold him. Mr. Wiley said it was 
all right, and that they was only tryin to git the dust 
off' me. That all mought be, but I don't see no sense 
m brushin the breth out of a man if he is got a little 
dust on his clothes. 

In tlie afternoon I tuck a walk over the city to look 
*t the fine bildins and the ships. I tell you whatj 



MAJOR JONES's TRAVELS. 47 

Charlston aint no fool of a city. Meeting street, and 
King street, and Market street, is very fine, and has got 
sum monstrous handsum bildins in 'em. The best part 
of the streets is too narrow and crooked, but Meeting 
street is a butiful width, and from the Charlston Hotel 
down to the bay, has got sum as pretty views as I ever 
seed in any picter. After tea I went down to the place 
tiiey call the Battery. The wind was blowin monstrous 
still', and the waves from i\n. sea cum rollin in and 
slashin the nasty salt water all over me. It was a very 
lonesum place, and smelled like a old shot-gun what 
hadn't been cleaned out for a long time. They tell me 
here it's nateral for the sea to smell so, and that people 
soon gits use to it, so they don't mind it. The place 
made me feel sort o' sollemcolly, and I started to go to 
the Hotel. It was sum time before I could find the 
way, and as I was walkin along in the moonlight, 1 
passed lots of ladies and gentlemen. I heard sum 
sweet female voices and saw sum butiful faces which 
made me think of Mary, and by the time I got to the 
Hotel I was homesick as the mischief. I went to my 
room and tried to go to sleep ; but ther was a company 
of midshipmen and navy officers in the next room what 
had jest cum home from a long voyage, and they was 
drinkin wine and singin " we wont go home til moi- 
nin," and makin speeches, and breakin glasses, so I 
couldn't sleep a bit ; and the merrier they was the worse 
1 felt. 

This mornin I tuck another walk to look at the sol- 
diers. They had a general musterin of the shivelry 
here to bury a officer, and I tell you what's a fact, 
Charlston can parade a pretty respectable showin of the 
nation's buUworks. There was sum fust rate com- 
panys and a good many fine lookin officers among 
'em. The Guvernor was thar in his regimentals, but I 
could'nt see General Kittledrum. Ther was one little 
officer thar what had so much military sperit in him, 
3 



48 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

tliat it put him cumpletely out of shape. He didn't 
stick more'n 'bout three feet out of his boots, and he 
looked like a jack-knife that was opened so far that it 
bent over back. Its a terrible pity that he couldn't 
grow a little bigger, or simmer down his sperit a little 
more, for the sword is certainly too much for the skab- 
bard. They say he's a fust rate officer, only he's a 
little out of proportion. The fact is, we may say what 
we please, and laugh as much as we've a mind to, 'bout 
Carolina shivelry, but ther ain't no mistake about it, 
Carolina is a gallant little state, and every sun she's 
got's a soldier. 

I'd like to stay in Charlston two or three days, but 
I hain't got time now. When I cum back from New 
York I'll know more about cities, and then I can make 
up my mind better about Charlston. I'm gwine to 
Wilmington in the steamboat this afternoon. Pervidin 
she don't bust her biler, nor git blow'd to ballyhack by 
sum bominable harrycane, you will hear from me agin 
soon. So no more from 

Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 

P. S. I've jest bought me a hickory stick what I'm 
p-wine to toat, and it won't be well for these fellers to 
come pullin and haulin 'bout my baggage and brushin 
all the buttons off my clothes, wharever I stop in futer. 
You know I'm a peaceable man, but I can't stand evry 
♦hing. 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 49 



LETTER V. 

Washington Cily, May 18, 1845. 

To Me. Thomi'son^: — Dear Sir — I left ofl^ my last 
letter to you only a fe'v minits before the omnibus cum 
to take me from the Hotel to the steambote. Well, I 
was a little behind the administration in gettin my trunks 
packed agin, and cum monstrous nigh gettin left. But 
Patrick got me down to the wharf jest as the last ring 
was dyin out of the bell, and in a few minhs I was 
afloat on salt water for the fust time in my life. You 
must know I fell in a mill-pond once when I was a boy, 
and was pulled out by old nigger Ned, jest when I had 
'bout tuck my last swaller, and I spose it's that what's 
always made me have sich a mortal dred of water whar 
I can't tetch bottom ever sense. I felt monstrous jubus 
'bout gwine aboard, and if ther was any possible way 
of gettin round it I w^ouldn't a run no sich risks you 
may depend. 

It was a butiful afternoon, and the passengers was all 
as lively as crickets, talkin and laughin and lookin at 
the city as the steambote went spankin along with her 
flags a flyin, and her wheels turnin the sea into soapsuds, 
and leavin a white track in the water behind us. Ther 
was a heap of ships and steambotes all about — sum 
standin still, sum gwine out and sum cumin in ; and 
little boats not bigger than a feedin-trough was dodgin 
all about, with ther white sails a shinin in the sun like 
sand-hill cranes in a rice-field. The city kep gettin 
smaller and smaller, til bimeby Fort Moultry, whar you 
know ihe Carolina boys licked the British so in the revo- 
lution, didn't look no bigger than a fodder-stack. I 
looked around for the shore, but the sky seemed to cum 



50 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

down to the water on every side, til it looked jest like 
tlie crystal of my watch, 'thout a spot of yeath to put 
one's foo| on as far as my eyes could see. I begun to 
feel monstrous skary, and' I don't blieve I ever did draw 
sich long breths before in all my born days. I do I lieve 
I thought of all the ship-racks I ever red of in my life, 
and I would a gin ten per-cent. of all I had in the world 
to had my life insured. I held on to the side of the 
boat with both hands, and kep as fur off from the biler 
as I could. But the ladys and the little children didn't 
seem to mind it a bit, and after we was out of sight of 
land about a ower I got a little over my skeer. 

Bimeby a nigger feller commenced ringin a bell as 
hard as he could ring, and hoUerin out — "Gentlemen 
what hain't paid ther passage will please to walk up to 
the captin's office and settle !" As soon as I could git 
a chance I paid for my tickets, and pretty soon after that 
the bell rung agin for supper. We had a fust rate sup- 
per, but sumhow it didn't seem natural to be swimmin 
and rockin about in the sea, and eatin at the same time, 
and I didn't eat much. Besides, ther was a sort ot 
sickish feelin cum over me in the supper room, and I 
went up on the roof agin as quick as I could to smoke 
a segar, thinkin it mought make me feel better. 

By this time it was night, but the moon and stars was 
shinin above and below — the only difference in the sea 
and the heavens bein that the stars and moon in the 
water was dancin and caperin about like they was out 
of ther senses, while them in the sky was winkin and 
twinklin in ther old places as quietly and sober as ever. 
I got a light for my segar and was jest beginnin to smoke 
when a nigger feller cum up to me, and ses he : 

" Massa, no smokin lowed aft the machinery." 

" The mischief ther ain't!" ses I, and I went away 
back to the hind eend of the boat and tuck a seat, and 
commenced a right good smoke to myself. But I hadn't 
been thar more'n a minit before here cum the nigger 
feller agin. 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 51 

" Yoj musen't smoke aft the ncuchinery," ses he. 

*' Well," ses 1, " I ain't near yer machinery." 

'*" No ; but," ses he, '^ you is aft." 

'•^ Aft what?" ses I. 

"The phce for gentlemen to smoke is forard," 
ses he. 

" Well," ses I, "my buck, I don't understand your 
gibrish, but if you'll jest show me whar I can smoke 
'thout any danger to your machinery, I'll go thar." 

With that the bominable fool begun to snicker, til he 
seed my cane was takin the measure of his hed for a 
nock down, when he straitened up the pucker of his 
face and sed — 

"Cum this way, sir ; this is the forard deck, massa." 

I follered him over to the fore eend of the boat, whar 
sum more gentlemen was smokin. I hadn't tetched a 
drap of licker in a coon's age, but I was never so put to 
to walk strait in my life. Sumhow I couldn't make no 
sort of calkelation for the floor — one minit it was up to 
my knee, and the next step I couldn't hardly reach it — - 
and my legs kep gittin mixed up and tangled so I didn't 
know one from tother. All the passengers seemed like 
they was tite — sum of 'em looked monstrous serious, 
and one or two was caskadin over the side of the boat 
into the sea with all ther might. I felt a little sort o' 
swimmy in the hed myself, and I begun to spicion I was 
gettin sea-sick, so I tuck a seat by the side of the boat 
and smoked my segar to settle my stummick. 

Well, thar I sot and smoked til all the passengers went 
down into the bed-room to sleep. It was a butiful night, 
and the scene was jest the kind to set a man's brains a 
thinkin. The sea is a roomy place and ther's nothin 
thar to prevent one's givin free scope to his imagination 
— it's a mighty thing, the sea is, and if a man don't feel 
some sublime emotions in its presence, it's because riis 
hed works is on a monstrous small scale. Thar it was, the 
great, the everlastin ocean, dressed out in its star-bespan* 
gled night-gown, dancn to the soft music of the sighin 



52 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

winds, and the liquid caden(;e of its ever-splasLn 
waves ; while down deep in its coral caverns the whales 
and porpoises was spoutin then love ditties to ther 
sweetharts, and the maremaids was puttin ther hair in 
curl to break the harts of the young sea-hoses. It was 
monstrous still — the monotonous splashin of the wheels, 
the gruntin and groanin of the ingine, the rushin of the 
foam, and the rumblin and squeakin of the timbers of 
the boat, all keepin time together, made a sort of noisy 
silence that fell negatively on the ear. I leaned over 
the side and looked at the fiery foam, as it rolled spark- 
lin away from the bow : but it faded from the face of 
the sea while I looked at it, and a few yards behind 
as ther remained no track of our passage. I felt alone on 
che vast ocean, and a feelin of isolation cum over me, 
which, fore I got rid of it, made the boat seem no big- 
ger than a teapot, and myself about the size of a young 
seed-tick. I could preached a sermon on the sublimity 
of creation, and the insignificance of man and his works, 
but 1 had no congregation then, and it's too late now. 
I don't know what made me think of home — but sum- 
how I felt like I'd gin a heap to be thar. I thought of 
the butiful bright eyes that was closed in sleep on my 
pillar, and the dear little cub that was nestled in my 
place. Bless ther dear souls — perhaps they was dreamin 
of me that very minit — perhaps I was never to see 'em 
in this world again. These thoughts made me feel mon- 
strous bad, and the more I reflected about it, the worse 
I felt, til I blieve I would gin all I had in the world jest 
to be sure I wouldn't die before I got back. 

Bimeby, I thought, I'd try to go to sleep, so I wen 
down into the bed-room, and tried it. But it was no 
go. I got into one of the little boxes, what they call 
berths, but I couldn't stay born no way I could fix it. 
In the first place I couldn't git stowed away no how, 
and in the next place, whenever I shut my eyes, it 
seemed like the boat was whirl in round and round like 
a treaa-wheel. I got up agin, and went up stairs, and 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 53 

smoked another segar, til I got pretty tired, and then 1 
went in the gentlemen's parlor, and stretched mysell en 
one of the seats. I fell asleep thar sumLime between 
that and daylight, and never waked up til most breck- 
fust time the next mornin, when they sed we was in 
Cape Fear, gwine right up to Wilmington. 

Cape Fear is a very fine river, and ther's some fine 
plantations and houses on the banks when you git near 
to Wilmington. Pretty soon after breckfust we got in 
sight of the city, and a few minits afterwards we was 
long side the wharf, and the niggers was cartin our 
baggage up the hill to the railrode. Wilmington pre- 
sents 'bout as curious a aspect from the river, as any 
other town in my knowins. The fust thing you see is 
everlastin piles of turpentine barrels, piled up on the 
wharf in evry direction, and on the vessels in the river. 
That's the front rank. The next is a plattoon of wind 
mills, enuff to lick all the Don Quicksots in Spain. In 
them they bile the spirits of turpentine out of the gum. 
The rare rank — and that's scattered all over the hill — is 
made up of houses, and old brick walls and chimneys 
of houses what's been burnt down, with here and thar 
a few more barrels of turpentine. They've had two or 
three fires here lately, what's burnt up the best part of 
the town ; but I don't wonder at it, for I would as soon 
think of puttin out a powder-house as a place what's so 
perfectly soaked with turpentine. All I wonder at is, 
that the river don't ketch a fire too. 

We waited about a ower in Wilmington, which 
afforded us a opportunity of lookin about a little. After 
travellin over it, and lookin at sum very handsum bild- 
ins, among which was the new Piscopal Church, a mon- 
strous pretty bildin, we went back to the cars. When 
we got thar, I ax'd a nigger fellar whar I could git sura 
segars, and he told me to go into a house what stood 
rite over a branch, on stilts 'bout twenty feet high, whar 
he sed Lucy Ann would sell 'em to me. Well I went 
into the house, and ses I, "Is Lucy Ann here ^^ 



54 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

** Dat's my name," seel a little outlandish person with 
a coat and britches on. 

" I want to see Lucy Ann," ses I. 

" Dat's me," ses he. " What shall I have the plai 
sure to sell you to day, ha?" 

I looked up at the old feller's whity-brown sort of a 
face, and ses I, " I don't spose it makes any difference, 
but they told me Lucy Ann kep this store." 

"Well, sare, my name be Lucy Ann; I keep dis 
store, and sell you sum vary fine orange, banana, soda- 
water, and so forth." 

I bought sum segars and sum oranges and went out, 
bat I couldn't help thinkin ther was sum mistake about 
it. If Lucy A..nn was a woman, her pearance and dress 
wasn't very flatterin to the North Carolina galls. 

Bimeby the bell rung, and the passengers was all 
aboard agin in the cars. The lokymotive man pulled 
the wire what sot the steam agwine, and away we went, 
licky-teklink, rite among the tar and turpentine what 
was strung all along the road, evry here and thar, for 
most a hundred miles. Like all the southern rodes this 
railrode don't run through the most interestin part of the 
country, so it wouldn't be fair to judge of the old North 
State by what one sees on the railrode. The country 
ain't much else but one everlastin turpentine plantation; 
and all one can see for miles, is millions upon millions 
of pine trees with the bark half off, and the white tur- 
pentine runnin down ther sides, and lookin like so many 
tall ghosts standin in the dark shade, with ther windin- 
sheets on. The rode runs through a very level country, 
and is the straitest in the world — having a single stretch 
of upwards of seventy miles without a single bend in it. 
The cars ain't quite so stylish as them on the Georgia 
Railrode, but the conducters is very obligin, attentive, 
clever men, and git along with as few accidents as any 
other conducters in the world, only they don't low no 
smokin in the cars. 

Wc got to Weldon a little after dark, and thar we 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 55 

tuck a Yfivy good supper. Here we bought tickets agin, 
and tber was a big fat feller thar what seemed termineJ 
to make us all go the Bay route, as he called it, whether 
we would or no. He banged all the fellers to talk I 
ever heard in all my born days. He got ahed of evry- 
body else, passengers and all ; and when I told him Pd 
be very glad to commodate him, only I wanted to go 
by Washington ; he sed, he'd be dad fetched if he 
didn't have the seat of government moved down on the 
Bay, jest for the commodation of the public what travels 
on his line. He's a monstrous good agent, and ought 
to be well paid for his trouble. 

I didn't git much good sleep the night before, in the 
steambote, and by the time we got to Petersburg, I was 
pretty well done over, and I never was so glad in my 
life to go to bed. I remember sumthing 'bout gettin 
up the next mornin fore daylight, and gettin in a omni- 
bus, and then gettin in sum more cars, and whizzin 
along through Virginy like a streak of ligthnin. Towns 
and bridges, and rivers, and mountings went whirlin 
past us so rapid that I hadn't no time to ax any thing 
about 'em. Like Cassio when he got sober, " I re- 
member a heap of things, but nothin very pertickelerly," 
from the time I went to bed in Petersburg, til I found 
myself in the steambote on the Potomac gwine to 
Washington. 

These railrodes play the mischief with a man's obser- 
vations. One mought as well try to count the fethers 
in a pigeon's tail when he's on the wing, as to look at 
the country he's travellin through in the railrode cars. 
He gits a kind of flyin panorama of trees and houses, 
and towns and rivers, and fenses and bridges, all mixed 
up together — one runnin into tother, and another begin 
nin before the last one's left off— so he can't make heu 
Dor tail to 'em. And when he does stop a minit he's 
so pestered with hack-drivers and porters, that he hain't 
hardly got time to buy his ticket or eat his breckfust, le' 
alone doin any thing else. I was anxious to have a 



56 BiAjoR Jones's travels. 

good look at the Old Dominion, for a good many rea- 
sons — I wanted to see the state whar my father and 
mother was born, and what had given birth to the great 
Washington. Bat I had sich a bominable pore chance, 
I don't blieve I'd know any more about Virginy when 1 
see it agin, than Captain Marryat did about America 
when he went home to write his everlastin book of lies. 

The Potomac is a noble river ; and as ther was no 
waves to set the bote a rollin, I had a fust rate chance 
to look at the scenery on its banks. I never shall forgit 
my feelins when the bell rung to let us know we was 
near Washington's grave, at Mt. Vernon. I felt that it 
was a grate privilege to be allowed to look at that 
sacred spot, where the ashes of the father of his country 
was reposin — to look at the mound of yeath that had 
taken to itself the noble form in which had centred so 
much virtue, so much patriotism, so much valor, so 
much wisdom, so much of evry thing that ennobles 
human nater. I remembered how on the bosom of the 
very stream on which I was, a British fleet once floated, 
and that when they passed the grave of our country's 
sainted hero, they lowered ther proud banner, in token 
of respect to the illustrious ded — and when I thought 
of that, it made me half forgive 'em for destroyin the 
city that bore his name. Fort Washington stands high 
up on the bank, and looks down monstrous sassy ; and 
I reckon if the John Bull's was to try that game agin, 
they'd fmd the Potomac sum what rougher navigashun 
now than it was then. 

In a few minits more w^e was in sight of Washington 
city, with the great umbrella top of the Capitol loomin 
up into the heavens, grand, gloomy, and peculiar. We 
wasn't long gettin to the wharf, and after a terrible 
encounter with 'bout five hundred cab-men and porters, 
I made out to git my baggage into a hack and druv to 
Gadsby's hotel, whar I got a good supper and soon 
went to bed. 

I dreamed all night of cog-wheels and steam-inginus 



MAJOR JONES'3 TRAVELS. 57 

--sumtimes my bed was a car, then it was a steamboie, 
and then it was a omnibus, but it was gwme all the 
time, at the rate of twenty-five miles a ower. My 
brains hain't got moreen 'bout half settled yet, so you 
must excuse this monstrous pore letter. I hope to git 
recrelated in a day or two, and then I will tell you sum- 
thme 'bout Washington City and its lyons No more 
(Lqq. Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones, 



58 



MAJOE JONES S TRAVELS. 



LETTER VI. 

^ Washington City, May 19, 1846. 

To Mr. Thompson : — Bear Sir — It was pretty late 
before I got up this mornin, and then it was 'bout a 
ower before I found my way down stairs after I did git 
up. You hain't no idee what a everlastin heap of rooms 
and passages and stair-ways ther is to these big hotels, 
and to a person what aint use to 'em it's 'bout as diffi- 
cult to navigate through 'em as it is to find one's way 
out of a Florida hammock. 

As soon as I got my breckfast I sot out for the Capitol, 
what stands on the hill, at the upper eend of the Avenue, 
as they call it, which is a grate wide street runnin rite 
through the middle of the city. When I looked up to 
it — from the street — it seemed like it wasn't more'n 
twenty yards off, but before I got to it I was pretty tired 
walkin. The gates was open, and I walked into the 
yard, and follered round the butiful paved walks til I 
cum to the steps. The yard, round the bildin, is all 
laid off in squares and diraonds, jest like Mary's flower- 
garden, and is all sot out with trees. Rite in frunt of 
the bildin, on the side towards the city, is a curious kind 
of a monument, standin in a basin of water, with little 
babys and angels, all cut out of solid marble, standin all 
round on the corners of it, pintin up to a old eagle what 
looks like he'd gone to roost on the top of it. It's a 
very pretty thing, and the water what it stands in is full 
of little red fishes, playin all about as lively as tadpoles 
in a mill pond. I looked at the monument sum time, 
and red sum of the names on it, but sum I couldn't make 
. out and the rest I've forgot. 

After gwine up two or three more pair of stone stairs, 
\. cum to the door of the Capitol. I couldn't see nobody 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 59 

about, so I nocked two or three times, but nobody didn't 
answer. I waited awhile and then nocked agin with mj 
stick, but nobody never sed a word. Thinks I, the) 
can't be home. But the door was open — so thinks I, I'l 
go in and see the biklin any how. Well, in I went, anc 
the fust thing I met was two pair of stairs agin, botl 
gwine the same way. I tuck one of 'em, and after gwine 
a little ways I cum to another green door. Thinks I, it 
wont do to be too bold, or I mought git into a fuss with 
the kitchen cabinet, and I knowd a whig w^ouldn't find 
no frends thar. So I nocked agin, louder and louder, 
but nobody answered. Well, thinks I, the government 
can't be to home sure enuff, and I was jest thinkin what 
a bominable shame it was for them to neglect their bis- 
ness so, when here cum a feller, what had whiskers all 
over his face, with three or four galls, laughin and 
gigglin at a terrible rate, and in they went, without ever 
nockin a lick. Well, thinks I, I've got as good a right 
here as any body else w^hat dont belong to the adminis- 
tration, so in I follered into the rotunda. 

I tell you what, Mr. Thompson, this rotunda is a 
monstrous tall bildin jest of itself. Why you could put 
the Pineville court-house inside of it, and it wouldn't 
be in the way a bit. A full grown man dont look no 
bigger in it than a five year old boy, and I cum very 
near nockin a pinter dog in the hed for a rat, he looked 
so little. The sides is all hung round with picters, and 
over the doors ther is some sculptures representm William 
Penn swindlin the Ingins out of ther land, and Columbus 
cumin ashore in his boat, and old Danel Boon killin off 
the aborignees with a butcher knife, and other subjects 
more or less flatterin to the national character. The 
figers is all cramped up like they'd been whittled down 
to fit ther places, and don't look well to my likin at all. 
The places would be a great deal better filled with single 
figers representin our grate generals and statesmen. The 
picters is very good, and it's worth a trip from Georgia 
o W^ashington to see them great national paintuis, the 



60 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

Signers of the Declaration of Independence, the Sui 
render of Cornwallis, Washington givin up his Com 
mission, the Baptism of Pocahontas, and the Pilgrim 
Fathers on board ther ship. I could looked at 'em a 
whole day, but I had so much to see and so little time 
to spare, that I only gin 'em a passin examination. 

Bimeby I went up to a chap w^hat was sitin by the 
door with a book in his hand, and ax'd him whar the 
government was. 

" Who ?" ses he. 

" The government," ses I, — " Polk and Dallas." 

" Oh, ses he, the President is at home at his house, 
1 believe, but I don't know whar Mr. Dallas is." 

" Don't the President live here?" ses I. 

" No 5z>," ses he. " He lives in the White House 
at the other eend of the Avenue. This is the CapitoJ 
whar Congress sets, but it aint in session now\" 

" Beg your pardon sir," ses I, '* I thought the govern- 
ment all hved at the Capitol." 

" Your a stranger here then, it seems," ses he. " My 
business is to show strangers over the Capitol. Do you 
wish to see it?" 

" That's jest what I cum here for," ses I, " and I'd 
like very much to see whar Congress makes the laws." 

"Very well," ses he, "jest foller me." 

Well, he led the w^ay and I follered up stairs and 
down, through passages and round pillars and corners, 
under arches and over roofs, through the Senate Chamber, 
the Hall of the Representatives, and ever so many offices 
and committee rooms, til he brung me out on the top of 
the dome. I never was so high up in the world before. 
Thar was the " city of magnificent distances," litteraly 
stretched out at my feet, and I looked down upon the dig- 
nitaries of the land. I was indeed elevated above Presi- 
dents and Cabinets, and Ministers of State. Houses looked 
hke martin boxes, men looked no bigger than seed-ticks, 
and carriages and horses w^ent crawlin along over the 
ground like a couple of ants draggin a dead blue bottle. 



MAJOR Jones's travels. G1 

The eye ranges over haif the nation ; Vir^iny and 
Maryland comes into the ten miles square, and .the Po- 
tomac looks like a liitle branch riinnin through a mearlo w 
of trees ; while the Tiber don't look no more like " the 
angry Tiber chafing with its shores" in which Julias 
Caesar and Mr. Cassius went a swimmin with ther clothes 
on, than our duck pond does like the Atlantic Ocean. 

Well, after takin a good look from the dome, Ifollered 
the man what keeps the Capitol, down agin into the Ro- 
tunda, and ax'd him what was to pay for his trouble. 
" Nothing at all," ses he, and then he told me whar 
the statues was on the eastern Portico, and pinted out 
the place whar they kept Mr. Greenough's Washing- 
ton. 

I went out on the portico, and what do you think, 
Mr. Thompson ! the very first thing I seed was a woman 
without so much as a pettycoat on ! Not a real live 
woman, but one cut out of marble, jest as nateral as life 
itself. Thar she was, sort of half standin and half 
squattin by the side of a man dr':;ssed off in armour and 
holdin a round ball in his hand. At first I never was 
so tuck aback in my life, and I looked all round to see 
if anybody was lookin at me. I couldn't help but look 
at it, though it did make me feel sort o' shamed all alone 
by myself. Every now and then somebody would cum 
by, and then I would walk off and look tother way. 
But sumhow I couldn't go away. The more I looked 
at it the handsumer it got, til bimeby I seemed to forgit 
every other thought in the contemplation of its beauty. 
Ther was sumthing so chaste, and cold, and pure about 
that beautiful figure, that I begun to be in love with it, 
and I couldn't help but think if I was Columbus and 
wasn't marble myself, I'd be tempted to give her a hut 
now and then, if she was a squaw. I went down ofi 
the portico and took a front view of it — and then i 
looked at it sideways — and then I went up the steps and 
looked at it thar agin, and every way it presented a image 
of beauty to dream of years to come. Bimeby the galb 



62 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

what I sa^'^ when I was nockin at tlie door, cum up with 
that chaf with the whiskers and I backed out. 

Ther is two other statues standin on the east frunt of 
the Capitol, one representin the godess of Peace, and 
the other General Mars, the god of War. They are 
both very handsome. Mars carrys his hed like a gen- 
ewine South Carolina militia captain, and Peace looks 
like she wouldn't hurt anybody for the w^orld ; but ther 
is something tame about 'em — they look somehow like 
they was cast in a mould. 

After lookin at them a while, I w^ent out to the bildin 
what stands in the yard, and tuck a look at Mr. Green- 
ough's Washington, and to tell you the truth, I never 
was so disappinted in my life. This statue has some 
terrible bad faults, and on first view, before one has time 
to study and understand the design of the artist, creates 
any thing but a favorable impression. In the fust place 
the position is out of keepln with the character of Wash- 
mgton ; in the second place, the costume is worse than 
the position, and in the next place, the mouth is not good, 
and destroys the character and expression of the face. 
Ther ain't nothing Washington about it, to my notion. 
The idea of puttin a Roman togy on Gen. Washington, is 
ridiculous ; as if he wasn't jest as much entitled to be a 
type of his age and generation, as Julius Caesar or any 
other Roman hero is of the age when ther was no tailors 
to make coats. It made me feel bad when I looked 
up and saw^ Washington's bare busum. The veneration 
which Americans feel for the character of Washington 
is shocked at the exposure of that noble breast, w^hose 
every throb was for his country. It seems like a de- 
secration to represent him in any other way than as he 
was, when he was alive ; and though ther is something 
iraposin and grand in the artist's design, the effect is 
uestroyed by the want of fidelity to the character of the 
man. I tried my best to overcum my prejudices agin 
the Washington, because it was a American work, but 
t was no go, and I went back ind tuck another look at 



MAJOR JONES's TRAVELS. 63 

Columbas ai.d his Ingin gall, before I went down to my 
hotel. 

After dinner, I went to see the President, up to the 
White House as they call it, what stands at the other 
eend of the Avenue. All along the way the hack-men 
kep settin at me to ride in one of ther carriages. It 
looked like only a little ways, and I wanted to see the 
city as I went along ; but if I stopped for a rainit to ex- 
plain to one of 'em, I was sure to have a dozen of 'em 
round me at once, all pullin and haulin at me, and cusin 
one another for every thing you could think of Wash- 
ington's so bominably scattered all over creation, that 
most every body rides, and these fellers think it's a out- 
rage on ther rights to see a gentleman walkin in the 
street. I cum mighty nigh gettin into three or four fights 
with 'em fore I got half way to the President's house. 
It was a monstrous long walk, and I was terrible tired 
fore I gotthar. Wliat makes it so deceivin is, the Capitol 
at one eend, and the White House at the other eend of 
the wide street, is so large that one loses all idee of 
distances and proportions. 

When I got to the house, I nocked at the door, and 
a gentleman opened it and told me to cum in. 

" Good evenin, Mr. President," ses I, " I hope your- 
self and famly is all w^ell," ofTerin him my hand at the 
same time. 

" Good evenin, sir," ses the gentleman, givin me a 
real Georgia shake by the hand. " It's not JMr. Polk 
your spakin too, ses he, but no offence, sir, walk in." 

«' Why,'' ses I, " don't the President live here," 
beginin to think I never would find him. 

" To be sure, sir; this is the Prisident's house, but it's 
Cabmet day , and his excellency can't be seen by strangers." 

" Well, I'm very sorry for that," ses I. 

'' And so am I," ses the gentleman. " But," ses he, 

" since you can t see his excellency, you can have the 

honor of taking a pinch of snufl" wid his lagal ripre- 

sintative," and with that, he poked his snufl-box at me 

4 



64 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

and I tuck a pinch of his Irish blackguard, that liked to 
put my neck out of jint a sneezin. 

As soon as I got over it a little, ses he : " walk this 
way, sir, and Pll show you through the public rooms if 
you would like to see them." 

After walkin about awhile we cum into the great 
East room, which is a real stylish place you may de- 
pend, with gold chairs, and marble tables, and the 
richest kind of carpets, with lookin-glasses clear down 
to the iloor. I knew that was the room whar pore old 
General Harrison lay before he was buried, so I ax'd 
the man if he knowd General Harrison. 

" To be sure I did," ses he ; " I cum here in General 
Jackson's administrashun, and I've bin here iver since. 
Ah, sir!" ses he, "General Harrison was a great and 
good man. He was a tru^ dimocrat, he was. We 
waked him here two days in this room, sir, and I shall 
niver, til the day of my deth, forgit that melancholy 
sight. The gineral was none of yer blarneyin poli- 
ticians, but a true man, sir. When he cum to the 
White House I wint to him, and ses I — ' Gineral, I'm 
a dimocrat, and if I'd had a vote I'd voted agin you, 
and now I'm reddy to give up my place.' ' Don't think 
of it, Martin,' ses he ; * I'm tould yer attentive and 
faithful in the discharge of yer duties. I'll need such 
a man about me, and it's not myself that'll discharge 
any man for his political opinions.' I kep my place, 
sii, but the pore ould gintleman, rest his sowl, wasn't 
spared to keep his. He was kind to ivrybody 'bout 
him, from the highest to the lowest ; I used to walk out 
wid him whin he was sick; and if you'd seen us togither 
you couldn't a tould which was the best dimocrat, the 
Prisident of the United States, or his Irish futman." 

" Giv me yer hand, Martin," ses I ; " I'm a Georgia 
vrhig, and I'm glad to hear you speak well of the man 
I loved so much." 

" Dimocrat or whig," ses he, " the truth's all the 
same But are ye all the way from Geoigia-^" 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 65 

" I am/' ses I ; " my name is Jones, Joseph Jones 
of Pineville.'* 

*' Majer Joseph Jones ?" ses he. 

^' That's my name when I'm at home," ses I. 

*' Then giv me yer hand agin, Majer," ses he, " an*d 
teli me, how did you lave Mary and the baby — how is 
little Henry Clay Jones, and the good wafe ? Faith, 
I've red yer book, Majer," ses he, " and I'm rite glad 
to make yer acquaintance. Will you take another pinch 
of snufT?" ses he. 

" No, I thank you, sir," ses I ; *' I ain't much used 
to snuffin." 

" Well, no matter for that, Majer," ses he ; " if it 
don't agree wid you — I know you used to chew tobacco. 
But you see I'm a bit of a litterary man myself, and I'm 
WTitin a jurnal of my life in the White-house, for these 
last fifteen years. Now what do you think of the idee, 
Majer.?" 

Then he went into a description of his book, and 
you may depend it's gwine to be one of the most 
interestin books ever published in this country. You 
know Martin's bin jest as familiar as a mushstick with 
the Kitchen Cabinets under Gen. Jackson, Mr. Van 
Buren, Capt. Tyler, and Mr. Polk — he knows evry 
politician in the country, and all ther tricks and in- 
trigues ; and it'll be monstrous strange if a man of as 
much natural smartness as Martin, with sich opportuni 
ties, couldn't pick up enufT materials in fifteen years 
to make a interestin book. I told him I thought he had 
a fortune by the tail, if he'd only hang on to it, and not 
let anybody git it away from him. He gin me a Irish 
wink, as much as to say, he wasn't quite so green, and 
after a little more chat 'bout literature, politics, and 
matters and things in general, I bid him good by and 
went back to my hotel. And here I must drap my pen 
for the present. So no more from 

Your friend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 



66 MAJOR Jones's travels. 



LETTER VII. 

Baltimore, May 21, 1845. 

To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — I left off my la& 
letter whar I went to my hotel. Well, after tea I red 
the papers a little while, and then went out and tuck a 
walk by moonlight to see the city. I straggled round 
all over the place without payin much attention whar I 
went, lookin at the public bildins and fine-dressed ladies 
and gentlemen what was in the streets, til the fust thing 
I know'd I found myself at the gate in frunt of the 
Capitol. Thar it was agin with its stupendous whito 
walls, and its monstrous high, dark dome, standin in 
the bright moonlight, loomin up agin the heavens, vast, 
majestic, and sublime, like the stone mountain inDeKalb 
county. It didn't seem possible sich a everlastin pile 
could be bilt with hands ; and I could almost imagine 
it was sum inchanted castle, and that the goblins and 
fairys was caperin and dancin in the rotunda at that 
very minit. 

I tuck a seat on the stone steps and looked up at it 
as it stood out agin the blue, star-bespangled sky. 
Thinks I, this is the hed of the nation, the place whar 
Uncle Sam does his thinkin ; and with that I got to 
ruminatin 'bout the falibility of national wisdom as well 
as individual judgment. Public men, thinks I, is like 
idees : sumtimes they's good, and sumtimes they's 
monstrous bad — and when they git into the Capitol at 
Washington, they're jest like thoughts in a man's hed, 
and make the nation do a monstrous silly thing or a very 
sensible thing, jest as they happen to be wise or foolish. 
If ther's any truth in the science of frenology, it must 
efiect the Capitol in the same way it does a man's skull, 
and I don't doubt that a rite scientific Yankee professoi 



67 

could discover the bumps by feelin the walls of the 
bildin, and could tell what organ was developed the 
most. Lately the organ of secretiveness has been pretty 
strongly developed, and sense we've pocketed Texas, 
ther ain't no tellin whar we'll stop. Combattiveness, 
too — which is very prominent, if you notice the projec- 
tions on the north and south side of the dome — is very 
active ; and I wouldn't be much surprised if we was to 
lick sum nation like blazes before long. If it wasn't 
for the excess of veneration which is indicated by the 
fullness of the dome on the top, we'd been monstrous 
apt to pitch'd into John Bull before now. Too much 
veneration is a very bad fault, but maybe it's all the 
better whar ther's so much combattiveness. I ain't 
much of a frenologist myself, or I'd go on and give you 
a full description of Uncle Sam's knowledge-box. I 
think ther ought to be a scientific committee appinted 
evry session to make out a complete chart of its bumps, 
so the people might know what to depend on. 

I couldn't leave the Capitol 'thout gwine round and 
takin one more look at the Ingin gall on the East 
Portico. Like all butiful wimen, she looked handsumei 
in the soft, pale moonlight, than she did in the daytime. 
The outlines and shadows was not so hard ; ther was 
sumthing dreamy and indistinct about her form, and 
the 'magination was allowed a freer scope in givin the 
finishin touches to the picter. You know all that is 
necessary to create in the mind a image of buty, is the 
mere idee of a woman, with a object for the 'magina- 
tion to work on. Ther are certain times when a man's 
'magination will make a angel out of a bed-post. 
Well, as I gazed at her, she seemed to becum livin 
flesh and blood ; and, as she looked at Columbus, 
rtoopin over, with her hands raised in a attitude of 
wunder, I almost fancied I could hear her say — ^' Chris- 
lofer! why don't you speak to me?" I tuck a long, 
long look at her, and then went to the hotel to dream 
of Mary. 



68 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

In the mornin, as soon as I got my breckfust, I went 
to see the Nashunal Institute, whar they told me the 
government kep all its curiosities. Since as they hadn't 
the politeness to tell me to cum in when I nocked at the 
dore of the Capitol yesterday, I tuck it for granted the 
government was too democratic republican to stand on 
ceremony; so I didn't nock this time, but jest walked 
rite in. Well, when I got up stairs, the fust room I got 
into was the patent-office, whar, the Lord knows, I seed 
more Yankee contraptions of one kind and another, 
than ever I thought ther was in the known world. 
Ther was more'n five hundred thousand models, all 
piled up in great big glass cages, with ther names writ 
on 'em, rangin from steam saw-mills down to mouse- 
traps. Ther was ingines, wind-mills, and water-wheels; 
steam-botes, ships, bridges, cotton-gins, and thrashin- 
machines ; printin-presses, spinnin-ginnies, weavin- 
looms, and shingle-splinters — all on a small scale. But 
it would take a whole letter to give you the names of 
one half of 'em. I didn't understand much about 'em, 
and so I w^ent into another room whar they had a ever- 
lastin lot of shells, and stones, and ores, and fish, and 
birds, and varmints, and images, and so forth, what 
was brung home from the North pole, by the explorin 
expedition. I spose, to sum people, what can find 
'' sermons in stones and good in any thing," these 
things, what cost the government so much to git 'em, 
would be very interestin ; but I hain't got quite fur 
enufi' in the ologies for that yet — so I went into another 
apartment, whar they keep the relics of the revolution 
and other curiosities. This is the most interestin part 
of the show, and contains a heap of things that must 
always be objects of the deepest interest to Americans. 
'Mong the rest is Gen. Washington's military cote ; the 
same cote that has been gazed on by so many millions 
of adorin eyes, when it enveloped the form of the great 
father of his country. It made me have very strange 
fc<;lins to look upon General Washington's, clothes — it 



V 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 69 

caused in my mind the most familiar impression of that 
great man I had ever felt, and which no paintin or statue 
could ever give. I was lookin upon what had been a 
portion of the real, livin Washington ; and I almost felt 
as if I was in his presence. Close by hung the sword, 
and below was the camp-chest w^hat he used in the war 
of the Revolu4:ion. What a sight! to behold in one 
glance the garment that sheltered his sacred person, the 
provision-chest, cracked and shattered in the great con- 
flict, and the sword with which he won for us the bless- 
ings of liberty, which we enjoy. How many thou- 
sands, in centuries to come, will look upon the remains 
of these sacred relics, and bless the memory of the 
great and good man. 

Not far from Washington's cote, in a case by itself, 
is the cote what General Jackson wore at the battle of 
New Orleans. I stopped and looked at it with feelins 
of sincere veneration. Few would suppose the victory 
of New Orleans was won in sich a coarse cote — but it is 
like the lion-harted hero who wore it — corse, strong, 
and honest, without tinsel or false gloss. It looks like 
the General, and will be preserved as a priceless relic 
of the brave old patriot, whose days are now drawin to 
a close. I never voted for General Jackson, cause I 
thought" his politics was wrong ; but I always bdieved 
him to be a honest man, and a true patriot, and I don't 
blieve ther's a lokyfoky in the land that's prouder of his 
fame, or will hear of his deth with more unfeigned 
sadness. 

Ther's a heap of other curiosities in this part of the 
bildin, that is well w^orth the attention of the visiter. 
Among the rest is Gen. Washington's Commisshun, and 
the original Declaration of Independence, besides trea- 
ties in all sorts of outlandish languages, and guns and 
pistols and swords, all covered with gold and diamonds, 
that have been made presents to our government from 
foreign powers. Ther's a heap of Ingin picters, and 
among 'em some portraits of the Seminole chiefs, what 



MAJOR JONES S TRAVELS. 



fit US SO hard a few years ago. I seed old Alligator 
settin up thar, as dignified as a turky-cock in a barn- 
yard, and I couldn't h^lp but think of the time I seed 
the old feller fall off a log into the St. Johns with all 
his fancy rigins on, and a jug of rum in his hand. 
Ther's sum very good likenesses among the Ingin por- 
traits, but they've got sura of the triflinest fellers in the 
whole nation settin up thar as grand as Mogulls. 

After lookin at the other picters, and busts, and 
statues, (and ther's sum butiful things among 'em,) I 
went down into the lower story, and thar I saw the grate 
Sarcofagus what Com. Elliott brung over from Egypt 
to bury Gen. Jackson in. I don't blame the old General 
for backin out from any sich arrangement. In the fust 
place, I don't think it in very good taste for to be in too 
big a hurry to provide a coffin for a man before he's 
ded ; and in the next place, I've got no better opinion 
of old second-hand coffins than I have of second-hand 
boots. I'd a grate deal rather walk in the footsteps of 
a dozen livin, illustrious predecessors, than to fill the 
coffin of one ded King Fareo. No, indeed ; the old 
hero is too much of a proud-spirited republican for that 
— he's not gwine to lay his bones in a place whar sum 
bominable old heathen King has rotted away before, and 
I glory in him for it. Such men as Jackson finds a 
sarcofagus in every true patriot's heart, that will pre- 
serve his memory, from generation to generation, to the 
eend of lime. 

After gettin out of Uncle Sam's curiosity shop, I 
went out into his flower garden, what is kep in a long, 
low house, with a glass roof. It's got about five hun- 
dred kinds of cactuses in it, and that's about all. True, 
ther's a good many little bushes and weeds, with mon- 
strous hard names, and sum few with flowers on 'em, 
but Mary's flower-garden at home would beat it all 
holler for buty and variety. 

I tuck a walk round by the Post-Office and up to the 
War Department, and the President's house. The new 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 71 

Post-Offiee, the National Institute, and the War Depart- 
ment is most magnificent bildins, of grayish, coarse 
stone ; and if they don't paint 'em like they have the 
Capitol and the President's house, they'll look ancient 
enuflfto suit the fancy of Mr. Dickens, or anybody else, 
who never saw a new country before, and who think 
none of the rest of the world ain't fit to live in, cause it 
ain't as old and musty as London. 

By the time I got down to Gadsby's I was pretty 
tired ; and after eatin a fust rate dinner, I got reddy to 
go to Baltimore. I^aid my bill, \vhich was very little, 
I thought, for sich comfortable livin, and got my trunks 
all packed and reddy sum time before the cars started. 

Bimeby long cum the omnibus and tuck my trunks ; 
but the depo was so close that I jest fit my way through 
the hack drivers to the cars, without any serious acci- 
dents. It was a very plesant afternoon, and ther was 
ever so many ladys and gentlemen in the cars, gwine 
to Baltimore, and among 'em sum of the most outland- 
ish specimens of human nater I ever met w^ith. I 
thought I'd seed whiskers and bustles before, but I find 
the further north I git, the bigger they grow. After a 
while the bell rung and away we went, the houses, 
Capitol and all waltzin round behind us, til we was out 
of sight of the city ; and the posts of Professor Morse's 
Telegraph, as they call it, gettin closer and closer to- 
gether the faster we went. 

But now the scene is very different from what it is on 
the Carolina, or even the Virginy rodes. The w^oods is 
in little patches, and the fields is smaller, and the houses 
and towns is thicker. The country is more uneven, 
and evry mile changes the scenery, and gives one sum- 
thing new to look at. The track, too, is even as a die, 
and the cars go like lightnin and as easy as a rockin- 
chair. One minit -we w^as whirlin along betw^een butifuJ 
farms, in the next we darted into a cut whar the banks 
shut out the view, and perhaps the next we was crossin 
over sum butiful valley on a bridge, with mills, and 



72 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

houses, and people far below us. We passed lots of 
hoses and cattle, and sum of 'em would twist up ther 
tails and giv us a race, but we went so fast that nothin 
couldn't keep up with us but the wire lightnin conduc- 
tors of the telegraph, "which kep us cumpany all the 
way. It's only 'bout forty miles from Washington to 
Baltimore, and 1 hadn't begun to git tired before the 
iconuments and steeples and towers of the city begun 
to show thetnselves in the distance, gittin nearer and 
nearer, til we was rite in among 'em. 

When we got to the depo in the edge of the city, 
they unhitched the lokymotive and hitched on sum 
hoses that pulled us away down into the center of the 
city to the railrode office. I could find enuff for twenty 
pair of eyes to do, lookin at this butiful city. I hadn't 
no idee it was half so large or half so handsum. But 
I had no time to give it more'n a ghmpse before we 
was at the stoppin place, and in the middle of another 
regiment of whips, all pullin and haulin, and axin me 
to go this way and to ther, til I didn't hardly know 
which eend I stood on. 

Bimeby one very civil little man with a piece of 
painted lether on his hat ses to me, ses he— "Sir, giv 
me yer checks for yer baggage, and I'll take ye to the 
Exchange Hotel, a very good house, sir." It was Hob- 
son's choice with me, for I didn't know one house from 
tother, so I jest handed him over the tins, and he went 
to look out for my baggage. While I was waitin for 
him a reinforcement of hackmen got round me, and 
insisted on takin me to the Exchange. Weil, I was 
like the gall what married the chap to git rid of him, 
and I got into the fust hack and druv off. I wasn't 
more'n seated, fore we was at the dore of a grate big 
stone house, with a dome on the top of it like the 
Capitol a+ Washington, what the feller sed was the 
Exchange Hotel After I got out I ax'd the driver 
now much was to pay. "A quarter," ses he. I pulled 
out my parse an^ paitl hiin^ but if I'd know'd it was 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 73 

no further, I'd seed him to Bullyhack fore I'd got into 
his hack, that's ceriain. 

Soon as I got in the hotel the man in the office laid a 
big book out before me and gin me a pen. I know'd 
what he ment, so I put my name down — Jos. Jones, 
Pineville, Geo., as plain as a pike-staff. I hadn't 
more'n finished writin my name before here cum the 
man with my trunks, and in a minit after I found my- 
self up stairs in No. 27, whar I am now writin to you, 
and whar I expect to remain for a day or two. I mean 
to go to bed early to-night, and take a fresh start in the 
mornin to look at Baltimore. So no more from 

Your frend til deth, 

Tos. JONE? 



'^4 MAJOR Jones's travels. 



LETTER VIII. 



No. 27, Exchange Hotel, 
Baltimore, May 21, 1845. 

lo Mr. Thompson:— De«r Sir—I waked up this 
mornin bright and early, but I felt so monstrous tireo 
Oiat I didn't git rite out of bed. Well, while I was 
layin thar lookin round the room at the fine furniture— 
at the splendid mahogany burow and wardrobe, the 
marble-top'd washstand and the cast-iron fire-place and 
a heap of other curious fixins-I seed a green cord with 
a tosse on the eend of it, hangin down by the hed of 

M^ l' ; 1 Au^'r^^^^'^ ^"^^'^ ^' ^^ P^ll the winder 
t .1 '^ u Vh^ ^'?^^ ?' '^^ ^' '^ ^^^' ^^Jther dark, I 
tuck hold of It and pulled it easy two or three times, 
but he thing seemed to be hitched sumwhar, and the 
blinds didn't move a bit. I wasn't more'n done pullin 
It, before sumbody nocked at my dore, and as I didn't 

V^Cum in -'""^''"''^ ^'' ^ "''^"'''^ "^ ^°^^' '"^ '"' 

A nigger feller opened the dore and stood thar for 

bout a mmit, lookin at me like he wanted sumthing, 

'thout say in a word. ^' 

- Well, buck," ses I, - what's the matter," beginnin 

to think he had a monstrous sight of imperence 
u' wT^ '^T ^^^^the gemmen wants," ses he. 
"Well," ses I, "I don't want nothin." 
He looked sort o' sideways at me and put out. 

vpI 'ur ' ^^^ ^^ ^'^ ^° ^^^^^ «^t what upon 
yeath could brung h,m lo my room, I put my hand out 
and tried the curtains agm; and the fust thing I know'd 
here cum. the same chap back agin 

r* wk!. ^'""^ ^ ^"''u'^ ^^ ^^^ P^"^"3^ «harp, and ses I- 
What upon yeath do you mean .?" 



MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS. 75 

With that he begun bowin and scrapin and scratctiin 
ais hed, and ses he — "Didn't you ring, sir?" 

" Ring what?" ses I. 

*' Your bell," ses he. 

I was beginnin to git pretty considerable riled, and 
ses I — " I don't carry no bell, but I can jest tell you 
what it is, my buck : if you go to cumin any of ycr 
free nigger nonsense over me, I'll ring yer cussed neck 
off quicker'n lightnin." 

And with that I started to git out of the bed, but ther 
was no nigger thar wdien my feet tetched the floor. 

It was too dark to dress, so I tuck another pull or two 
at the blinds ; and while I was pullin and jerkin at 'em, 
here cums another big nigger, to know what I wanted. 
By this time I begun to spicion thar was sumthing rong; 
and shore enuff, cum to find out, I'd been pullin a bell- 
rope all the time, what kep up a terrible ringin down 
stairs, though I couldn't hear the least sign of it myself. 
I'd seed them things hangin round in the rooms at the 
Charleston Hotel, and at Gadsby's, but I never know'd 
what they was before. Well, thinks I, live and larn — 
I'll know a bell-rope ^^hen I see it agin. 

After findin my way down stairs I went in the barber's 
room and got shaved, and I do blieve if it hadn't been 
so early in the mornin, I should went spang to sleep 
while Billy was takin my beard off. That feller's a real 
magnetiser; and he goes through the bisness so easy, 
that you can't hardly tell whether he's usin the brush or 
the razor ; and by the time he's done, your face is so 
vsmooth that it takes a pretty good memory to remember 
whether you ever had any beard or not. After brushin 
and combin a little, I w^ent out into the readin-room and 
coked over the papers til breckfust. 

I was settin on the sofa readin in the National Intelli- 
gencer, when the fust thing I know'd I thought the 
whole roof of the bildin was cumin down on top of my 
hed — whow ! row ! whow-wow ! went sumthing like 
the very heavens and yeath was cumin together. I 



76 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

couldn't hear myself think, and I was makin for one 
of the winders as fast as I could, when the everlastin 
rumpus stopped. I ax'd sumbody what in the name 
of thunder it was. " 0, you needn't be larmed," ses 
he, " it's nothin but the breckfust gong." I was jest 
about as wise then as I was before, but I know'd it had 
sumthing to do with breckfust, and my appetite soon 
cum back to me agin. 

You know I always used to drink coffee, and I'm 
monstrous fond of it yet ; but bein as I didn't feel very 
well this mornin, when the waiter ax'd me which I'd 
have, I sed " tea." 

"Black or green ?" ses he. 

I looked at the feller, and ses I—" What?" 

" Will you have black or green tea?" ses he. 

I didn't know whether he was projectin with me oi 
not, so ses I, "I want a cup of tea, jest plain tea, with- 
out no fancy colerin about it." 

That settled the bisness, and in a minit he brung me 
a grate big cup of tea that looked almost as strong as 
coffee ; but it was monstrous good, and I made out a 
fust rate breckfust. 

After breckfust I tuck a walk out to see the city, and 
shore enufT it is a city! Gracious knows, I thought 
Charleston, and Richmond, and Washington was big 
enuff, but Baltimore lays 'em all in the shade. It ain't 
only a long ways ahed of 'em all in pint of size, but 
it's a monstrous sight the handsumest. The streets is 
wide enuff, and then ther ain't no two of them alike, 
and evry corner you turn gives you a new view, as 
diflferent from the other as if you was in another city. 
Monuments and steeples, and minarets and towers, and 
domes and columns, and piazzas and porticos, and pil- 
lars of all orders, sizes, and heights, is constantly 
changin before you ; and the ground rises and falls in 
Dutiful hills and hollers, as if it tried to do its share 
towards givin variety and biity to the view. Baltimc^re 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 77 

?iieet is the principal street, and you may depend it's 
got a heap of fine stores on it. , i t 

After takin a good stretch on Baltimore street, lookm 
at the picter-shops and show-winders, I struck out mto 
Calvert street, whar the monument stands what was 
raised to the brave fellers what licked the British at the 
Batde -of North Pint, in the last war. It's a good deal 
bicrcrer than the Naval Monument at Washington, and, 
^o my notion, it's a grate deal handsomer Its propor- 
tions is good, and the design is very butiful. 

After takin a good look at the monument, I walked 
aloncr down by sum fine large brick houses with marble 
portit-os to 'em, and winder-glasses so clean you mought 
see yer face in 'em, lookin back now and then at the 
woman on top of the monument, when the tust thmg 1 
know'd I got a most alfired skeer, that made me jump 
clear off the side- walk into the street, before I know d 
what I was about ; " Get out !" ses I, at a cussed grate 
bis tierce-lookin dog upon one of the porticos that 
looked like he was gwine to take rite hold of rne. 
"Seize him, Tiger!" ses a chap what was gwme by, 
laughin, and I raised my stick quicker'n ightnm but 
the^dog never moved a peg. Cum to find out, it was 
nothin but a statue of a dog made out of stone or iron, 
put up thar to watch the dore and keep off house- 
brakers, I spose. I got over my skare and went along 
but I couldn't help thinkin it was monstrous bad taste 
to have sich a fierce-lookin thing standm rite before a 
body's dore thataway. If he was lyin down asleep he d 
look iest as natural, and wouldn't be apt to frighten any 
body out of ther senses fore they know'd what )t wa^' 

Bimeby I cum to a open place with a butiful little 
temple standin back in the yard, under the trees, and 
over the gate was a sign what sed "City Springs 
Well, as I felt pretty dry by this time, I thought I d gc 
in and git sum water. When I got to the house wha 
was standin over the spring on butiful round P^/l^rs and 
was gwine down the white stone steps, I seed a whole 



78 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

heap of galls down thar playin and dabblin in the water, 
and sprinklin and splashin one another, and laughin and 
carryin on like the mischief. I'd heard a grate deal 
about Bahimore buty, and I thought Fd jest take a peep 
t 'em while they didn't see me, and when they wasn't 
suspectin anybody was lookin at 'em. Well, thar they 
;vas, five or six of 'em, all 'bout sixteen and seventeen, 
with ther butiful faces flushed up, and ther dark eyes 
sparklin with excitement, while ther glossy ringlets, in 
which the crystal water glittered like dimonds, fell in 
confusion over ther white necks and shoulders. They 
was butiful young creters; and as I leaned over the 
wall, lookin down on 'em as they was wrestlin and 
jumpin and skippin about as graceful as young fawns, I 
almost thought they was real water-nymphs, and I was 
'fraid to breathe hard for fear they mought hear me and 
dart into the fountains. Bimeby one of 'em that was 
scufflin for life to keep two more of 'em from given her 
a duckin, happened to look up. The next minit thar 
was a general squeelin and grabbin up of sun-bonnets, 
and away they went up tother flight of steps. I didn't 
want 'em to think I'd been watchin 'em, so I went rite 
down to the spring, like I had jest cum for a drink of 
water. ^ Ther was three fountains all in a row, and on 
each side of the fountains was two iron ladles hangin 
chained to the wall. I tuck up the one on the right, 
and was holdin it under the spout on that side, when I 
heard the galls gigglin and laughin up on the steps, 
whar they was rangin ther dresses. I couldn't help but 
look round, when I saw one of the pretty est pair of 
sparklin eyes lookin over the wall at me, that I have 
seed sense I left home. '' The middle fountain's the 
Lest, sir," ses one of the sweetest voices in the world. I 
didn't wait to think, but jest cause she sed so, I jerked 
the ladel what was already runnin over, towards the 
middle spout, when kerslosh went the water all over m> 
feet, and the ladel went rattle-teklink agin the wall whai 
it was chained. Sich another squall as they did give ] 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 79 

never heard before, and away they all scampered 
Imcrhin fit to die at me. The fact was the cham wasn t 
lonS enuffto reach to the middle fountain no how, even 
if the water was any better, which I ought to know d 
was all gammon. I felt a little sort o' flat but thinks I, 
frails if you only knowM the buties I seed when 1 was 
ookin down over your beds, when you was rompin, 
Tou'd think we was pretty near even, after all. _ 
^ From the City Springs I went to the Washmgton 
monument, what' stands at the ^ed of Char es stre • 
This is another butiful structure which, while it com- 
memorates the fame of the greatest man what ever lived 
on the face of the yeath, reflects ^^onor on the patriot 
ism and liberality of Baltimoreans. At the dore ther 
was a old gentleman, who ax'd me if I wanted to go 
up on the monument. I told him I'd like to very well, 
if ther was no danger. He sed ther wasn't the east m 
the world ; so, after^ayin him a seven-pence and writin 
my name in a big book, he gin me a lamp and I started 
up the steps, what jest kep runnin round and round like 
a screw-auger. Up, up I went, and kep a gwine til I 
thought my legs would drap ott^ me. Evry now and 
then I stopped and tuck a blow, and then pushed on 
agin, til bimeby I got to the top, whar ther is a dore to 
p;o out on the outside. i •. i r^. 

From that place I could see all over the city, and tor 
miles round the country ; and, to tell you the truth, 1 
couldn't hardly bheve my own eyes, when 1 saw so 
many houses. The ground seemed to be covered with 
bricks for miles; and every here and thar some tall 
steeple or lofty dome shot up from the dark mass ot 
houses below. Streets was runnin in every direction 
and carriages and hoses and peeple was all movin about 
iu 'em, like so many ants on a ant-hill. Away ofl to 
the south-east I could see the dome of the Exc-hange 
Hotel, and a little further was the blue arms of the 1 a- 
tapsco, covered whli white sails, gwine m and out ot 
llie harbor; while the naked masts of tlie vessf^.s at tl^e 
5 



80 



MAJOR JONES S TRAVELS. 



wharves and in the basin, looked like a corn-field jest 
after fodder-pullin time. I could see " the star-spangled 
banner" on the walls of old Fort Mackhenry, still wavin 
" over the land of the free and the home of the brave," 
as proudly as it did on that glorious night, when 

" The rocket's red glare, and bums bustin in air, 
Gave proof through the night that our flag was stil) thar." 

and I couldn't keep from singin, " long may it 
wave !" &c. 

By the time I got down from the Monument it w^as 
two o'clock, and I begun to have a pretty good appetite 
agin. I made out to git back to the Exchange, by en- 
quirin the way 'bout twenty times ; and pretty soon after 
I got thar that eveilastin gong rung agin, and we all 
went in to dinner. I never seed sich a hjindsum table 
in all my life before. It was long enuH tor a fourth of 
July barbacue, and all dressed out like a weddin-supper. 
Evry thing lookrd in order, like a army formed in line 
of battle. The plattoons of ivory-handled knives, and 
silver forks, and cut-glass goblets, and wine-glasses, was 
all ranged in two long columns on each side, with a 
napkin stand in at each place like a file-closer, crimped 
up as handsum and lookin as wiiite and fresh as a water- 
lilly. In the middle was the baggage-train, which wag 
made up of a long row of bright covers, whh elegant 
silver casters and tureens, large glass vases full of sal- 
lary, and lots of other dishes. I felt jest hke I was 
gwine into battle ; and whether Mr. Dorsey, like Lord 
Nelson, expected every man to do his duty or not, I 
wiis termined to do mine. Well, the table was soon 
surrounded, and then the attack commenced. It was a 
terrible carnage. The knives and forks rattled like 
small arms, the corks popped like artillery, and tlie 
shampane flew like blood at evry discharge. General 
Jennings raanoovered his troops fust rate — carryin off 
Ihe killed and wounded as fast as possible, and supplyin 
iher places with reinforcements of fresh dishes. He 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 81 

had a regular Wellington army, made up of English, 
French, American, German, Itallian, and all kinds of 
dishes ; but, Hke Napoleon at Waterloo, he was doomed 
to come out second best, and in a short time his splendid 
army was cut to pieces, routed, dispersed, and demol- 
ished, horse, foot, and dragoons, or rather roast, boiled, 
and stewed. 

You know I've fit the Ingins in Florida, and can 
stand my hand as well as the next man in a bush-fight, 
but I never was in jest sich a engagement before, and I 
made rather a bad job of it in the beginnin. I hadn't 
more'n swallered ray soup when here cums a nigger 
pokein a piece of paper at me, which he sed was a bill. 
Thinks I, they're in a monstrous hurry 'bout the money, 
so I told him I hadn't time to look it over then. The 
feller looked and grinned like he didn't mean no offence, 
and ax'd me what Fd be helped to. Well, I know'd 
they didn't have no bacon and collards, so I told him 
to bring me a piece of roast beef. By the time I got 
fairly gwine on my beef, Mr. Dorsey cum in and tuck a 
seat at the eend of the table not far from me, and ax'd 
me how I was pleased with Bahimore. I told him very 
"vvell, and was passin a word or two with him, when t}je 
fust thing I know'd my plate \\^xs gone, and when I 
turned round to look for it, the nigger poked the bill at 
me agin. I begun to think that was carryin the joke a 
leetle too fur, and ses I — 

" Look here, buck ; I told you once I hadn't no time 
to tend to that now, and Fd like to know what in the 
devil's name you tuck my plate away for?" 

*' What'll you be helped to?" ses he, like he didn't 
understand me. 

" I ax'd for sum beef," ses I, " but " and before 

I could git it out he was off, and in a minit he brung 
roc another plate of roast beef. 

Well, by the time I got it salted to my likin, ani^ 
while I was taken a drink of water, away it went agin 
[ jest made up my mind I wouldn't stand no such non- 



82 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

sence any longer, so I waited til he bning me a clean 
plate agin^ and ax'd me what I wanted. 
" Sum more beef," ses I. 

I kep my eyes about me this time, and shore enuff, 
he moment I turned to nod to sum gentlemen what 
Mr. Dorsey introduced me to, one of the niggers made 
a grab at my plate. But I was too quick for him that 
dme. 

"Stop!" ses I. 

" Beg pardon, sir," ses he ; " I thought you wanted 
another plate." 

'' I've had enuff' plates for three or four men already, 
ses I ; " and now I want sum dinner." 

" Very well, sir," ses he ; " what'll you have.?" 
" What's your name ?" ses I. 
" Hansum, sir," ses he. 

Thinks I, you wasn't named for yer good looks then, 
that's certain ; but I never let on. 

" Well, Hansum," ses I, "I want you to jest keep a 
eye on my plate, and not let anybody grab it off' til I'm 
done with it, and then I'll tell you what I want next." 
Jest then Mr. Dorsey called him to him and sed sum- 
thing in his ear, and here he cum with Mr. Dorsey's 
compliments and a bottle of shampane, and filled one 
of my glasses, and then tuck his stand so he could watch 
my plate, grinnin all the time like he'd found a mare's 
nest or sumthing. 

■ The plan worked fust rate, and after that I got a fair 
showin at the beef. Then I ax'd Hansum what else 
ther was, and he brung me the bill agin, and told me 
I'd find it on thar. Shore enuff, it was a bill of things 
to eat, insted of a bill of expenses. Well, I looked it 
over, but I couldn't tell the rari de pouhts a la Lnlienne, 
or the Pigeons en compote^ or the JJiiguelles a la Tartare 
from any thing else, til I tasted 'em, and then I didn't 
hardly know the chickens from the eels, they was cooked 
so curious. Ther was plenty that I did know though, 
10 make out a fust rate dinner, and long before the\ 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 83 

brnng in the custards, and jellies, and pies, my appetil-^ 
was gone. I was jest gwine to leave the table, when 
Mr. Dorsey ax'd me if I liked Charlotte Roose. I toVJ 
him I hadn't the pleasure of her acquaintance. " Well, 
Majer," ses he, '' you better try a little ;" and with that 
he sent me a plate with sumthing on it made out of 
pound-cake and ice cream 'thout bein froze, which was 
a little the best thing I ever eat in my life. 

Two or three more sich dinners as this would lay mt 
up, so I couldn't git away from the Exchange in i 
month. No more from 

Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 



84 MAJOR Jones's travels. 



LETTER IX. 

No. 27 Exchange Hotel, 

Baltimore, May 23, 1845. 

To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sii' — I've always found 
that it was the best way to make " good digestion w^ait 
on appetite and helth on both," as Mr. McBeth ses, to 
stir about a little after eatin a harty bate. So after 
eatin the excellent dinner at the Exchange, what I told 
you about in my last letter, I tuck another turn round 
through the city. By this time I begun to git the hang 
of the place a little better, and wasn't so fraid of gettin 
lost. I turned up South street as they call it, wharther's 
more tailors than would make a dozen common men — 
even if the old maxim is true, w^hich I never did 
blieve — and went up Baltimore street agin, whar the 
fine stores is kep, and whar the galls all go a shoppin 
and perminadin in the afternoons to show ther new 
dresses. 

Well, sir, I can tell you what's a positiv fact, it would 
«ake a French dancin master to git along in Baltimore 
street without runnin aginsumbo?ly, and even he couldn't 
shassay his way round through the troops of galls with- 
out runnin a fowl of one now and then, or rakin his shins 
all to pieces on the pine boxes what is piled all along 
the sidewalk, after you git above Charles street. I done 
the very best dodgin I could, but every now and then I 
run spang agin sumbody, and then while I w^as bowin 
and scrapin a apology to 'em, ten to one if I didn't 
knock sum baby over in the gutter what was cumin along 
with its ma, behind me, or git my cole-tail fast in among 
the crates and boxes so tite that I run a monstrous risk 
of losin it bowdaciously. But I wasn't the only one 



MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS. ' 85 

what got hung-two or three galls got ther dresses 
hitched up, on the nails and hoops, so they blushed as 
red as fire, and a old gentleman with a broad-brunmed 
hat, and his stockins over his trowses, tumbled over a- 
wheel-barrow rite into a pile of boxes and tore his clothes 
dredful. It tuck the old man sum time to gether him- 
self up, and git out of the jam he was in ^^^^^^ ^e 
got out he never cussed a word, but he fetched a -roan 
that sounded like it cum from way down below his 
waistbands, and went on. 

I thouc^ht, at fust, that the store-keepers must be doin 
a terrible^sight of bisness, to be shure, to be sendm ott 
and receiviS so much goods, but I knocked on sum of 
the boxes with my cane, and they sounded as holler as 
a old empty bee-gum. I spose the city gits a fust rate 
rent for the pavement, but if the merchants was to keep 
ther empty boxes in ther sellers, it would be a great deal 
more convenient for the people to pass along and 1 
should think it wouldn't hurt ther contents a bit. ihe 
fact is a body can't git into the stores to buy nothing, 
for the piles of boxes round the doors. I wanted a 
piece of tobacker myself, but I couldn't see no store 
what I could git into without runnin the risk of breakm 
my neck or tearin my trowses. .,,.., • _• 

You may suppose I seed a heap of butiful wiramm 
in Baltimore street. Well, so I did ; but, to tell you 
the truth, I seed some bominable ugly ones too. ine 
fact is Mr. Thompson, wimmin's wimmm, all over the 
world ; and the old sayin, that '' fine feathers makes 
fine birds," is jest as true here as it is in Georgia, i m 
a married man, you know, and can speak my sentimenta 
about the galls 'thout givin offence to "obody ; or at 
least, 'thout bein spected of selfish motives. Well then, 
I say Baltimore needn't be ashamed of her wimmin, so 
far as buty's concerned. '^ Handsum is as handsum 
does," is a old and true sayin: and if the Baltimore 
galls is only as amiable and good as they is butiful, 
they'll do fust rate, take 'em on a average. But, hke 



S6 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

every other place, ther's some here that needs a mon- 
strous sight of goodness to make up for ther ugliness. 

I know it used to be a common opinion, that the Balti- 
more wimmin was the prettyest in the world ; and I've 
heard people what had been here before, advise the young 
merchants what was gwine to New York to buy goods, 
that if they didn't want to lose ther harts, they'd better 
go round this city. But that was a good many years 
ago, and you know time alters circumstances as well 
as circumstances alters cases, and this is the way I ac- 
count for the change. Then the Baltimore galls was 
most all natives, and come from the same stock, and they 
was so universally handsum that nobody could help but 
notice it. But the city is growed a monstrous sight since 
them days — a great many people from all parts of the 
world have come into it — and what was the buty of Balti- 
more, has been mixed up with and distributed about 
among sich a heap of ugliness, that a great deal of it is 
spilt altogether ; and what does remain pure and un- 
adulterated, aint more'n half so conspicuous now as it 
used to be. But not withstandin, ther's some monstrous 
handsum wimmin in Baltimore, some butiful creaters 
with dark hazel eyes, bright auburn ringlets, Grecian 
noses, coral lips, and plump, graceful forms, that is 
enough to melt the ice from round the heart of a old 
bachellor who had been cold as a lizzard for twenty 
years ; and its my positiv opinion, that a man what 
couldn't find a gall handsum enufT in this city, would 
stand a monstrous poor chance of gittin suited short of 
gwine to Georgia, where the galls, you know, take ther 
temperments from the warm Southern skies, ther buty 
from the wild flowers that grow in our fields, and ther 
voices from the birds that sing in our groves. 

After gwine up as far as Youtaw street, I crossed ove 
and cum down on tother side of the street, lookin along 
at one thing and another til I got most down to Charles 
.street. By this time I begun to be monstrous dry, and 
as I'd heard tell a good deal about the sody water what 




" It tuck the breth clean out of me: my tongue felt as if it was full of nee- 
dles, and I drapped the glass and spurted the rest out of my mouth quicker 'u 
lightnin', but before I could git breth to speak to the chap, he ax'd me if I 
wasn't weU."— Letter ix. p. 87. 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 87 

they have in the big cities, I thought I'd try a little at 
the fust place whar they sold it. Well, the fust docter's 
shop I cum to had a Sody water sign up, and in I went 
to git sum. 

Ses I, " I want a drink of yer sody water." 

'' What kind cf syrup will you have ?" ses he, puttin 
Us hand on a bottle of molasses. 

" I don't want no syrup," ses I, " I want sody water.' 

" Ah," ses he, " you want extra sody." 

And with that he tuck a glass and put sum white stuff 
in it, and then held it under the spout til it was full, and 
handed it to me. 

I put it to my hed and pulled away at it, but I never 
got sich a everlastin dose before in all my life. I got 
three or four swallers down before I begun to taste the 
dratted stuff, and you may depend" it liked to killed me 
right ded in my tracks. It tuck the breth clean out of 
me, and when I cum to myself, my tons-up f^lt like u 
was full of needles, and my stummick like I'd swallered 
a pint of frozen soapsuds, and the tears was runnin out 
of my eyes in a stream. 

I d rapped the glass and spurted tho rest out of my 
mouth quicker'n lightnin, but before I could git breth 
to speak to the chap what was standin behind the counter 
starein at me with all his might, he ax'd me if I wasn't 
well. 

" Well! thunder and lightnin," ses I, '^ do you want 
to pisen me to deth and then ax me if I'm well ?" 

" Pisen !" ses he. 

'* Yes," ses I, " pisen ! I ax'd you for sum sody w\^ter, 
and you gin me a dose bad enough to kill a boss." 

'' I gin you nothin but plain sody," ses he. 

" Well," ses I, " if that's what you call sody water 
I'll be dadfetch'd if I'll try any more of it. Why, it' 
worse nor Ingin turnip juice stew'd down six gallons 
into a pint, cooled off in a snow-bank and mixed with 
a harrycane." 



88 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

Jest then some bilin hot steam come up into my throte, 
that liked to blow'd my nose rite out by the roots. 

Ses he, " Maytie you ain't used to drinkin it without 
syrup." 

"No," ses I, '' and what's more, I never will be." 

" It's much better with sassypariller, or gooseberr} 
syrup," ses he. " Will you try some with syrup ?" 

" No, I thank you," ses I, and I paid him a thrip fo 
the dose I had, and put out. 

I wanted some tobacker monstrous bad : so I stepped 
into a store and ax'd for sum. The man said he didn't 
sell nothin but staples, but he reckoned I'd find some a 
little further down, at Smith's. Well, I went along 
lookin at the signs till I cum to Shaw, Smith & Co. 
Thinks I this must be the place. So in I went and ax'd 
a very good lookin man with whiskers, what was standin 
near the door, if he had any good chewin tobacker. 

" No sir," ses he, " we haint got any more of that 
article on hand than we keep for our own use ; but we 
would like to sell you some carpets to-day." 

" Carpets ?" ses I ; and shore enuff, come to look, 
ther wasn't another thing but carpets and oil cloths, and 
mattins and rugs and sich things in the store ; and I do 
blieve ther was enuff of 'em of all sorts and figers to 
furnish all the houses in Georgia. 

After a litlle explanation he told me the Smith I wanted 
was J. C. Smith, down opposite to the Museum. He 
said I'd find lots of tobacker and segars thar, and I'd 
know the place by a big Ingin standin out before the 
door. Shore enutf, when I went thar I got some fust 
rate segars and tobacker, and a box to put it in. 

That's the way they do bisness here. They dont 
keep dry goods and groceries, calicoes, homespun, rum, 
salt, trace chains and tobacker all together like they do 
m Pineville, but every kmd of goods has a store to 
itself. If you ever come to Baltimore and want some 
tobacker or segars, you must go to the stores what's got 
little painted Ingins or Niggers standin out by the doors ; 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 89 

for you moiight jest as well go to a meetih house to 
borrow a hand-saw, as go to any of the stores here for 
any thing out of ther Ime. I spose, like the sody water, 
it's well enuff to them that's used to it, but it's monstrous 
aggravokin to them what aint. 

As I hadn't been down in the lower part of the city, 
I thought I'd git into one of the omminybuses and ride 
over to Fells' Pint, and see how it looked. Well, it's 
a good long stretch from one eend of Baltimore to the 
other I can tell you, and after you cross over Jones' falls 
what runs through to the river and divides the old Town 
from the new one, you're monstrous apt to think your 
gettin into another city, if not in another nation. 1 
lik'd to put my jaws out of jint tryin to read sum of the 
signs. Sum of 'em was painted in Dutch, so I couldn't 
make out the fust letter, and sum of the people looked 
so Dutch that you mought almost feel it on 'em with a 
stick. 

I noticed when anybody wanted to git out they jest 
pulled a leather strap and the omminybus cum to a halt. 
So when we got down to Fell street, I tuck hold of the 
strap and gin it a jerk, but the bosses went on fast as 
ever, so I jest laid my wait on the strap to stop 'em. 
" Hellow !" ses the driver outside, *' do you want to pull 
me in two ?" Cum to find out the strap was hitch'd to 
the man insted of the bosses, and I liked to draw'd 
him through the hole wharhe tuck his money. He was 
mad as a hornit, but when he looked in and seed who it 
was, he had nothin more to say. 

I expect some parts of Fells' Pint would suit Mr. 
Dickens fust rate. It's old as the hills, and crooked as 
a ram's horn, and a body can hear jest as much bad 
English thar as he could among the cockneys of London 
and can find sum fancy caracters, male and female, that 
would do honor to St. Gileses or any other romantic 
quarter of the British metropolis. 

After lookin about a little while at the sailors that 
was drinkin toasts and sin^jin songs in the taverns, J 



90 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

^' 
went down on one of the wharves whar therwas a ship 
jest cum from Liverpool. The sailors was singin " All 
together, oh, heve oh !" and pullin her in to the wharf. 
Poor fellers, they had been out thirty days, workin hard, 
in all kinds of weather, and now they was cumin ashore 
to giv ther money to the sharpers that was lookin out for 
'em like sharks for a ded body. I couldn't help but 
feel sorry for 'em, when I thought how in a few days 
thay would be without money and without frends, and 
would gladly go back to the perils of the ocean, to escape 
the treachery that beset 'em on shore. 

I went and tuck a seat on some logs what was layin 
on the wharf, and smoked a cigar and looked at the 
vessels sailin about in the harbour. While I was settin 
thar thinkin of ships and sailoi's, and one thing and an- 
other, a little feller come along with a baskit on his arm, 
and ax'd me if I w^anted to buy some matches. I told 
him no I didn't want none. 

" You better buy some, sir," ses he, " I sell 'em very 
cheap." 

The little feller looked so poor and pittiful that I 
couldn't help feelin a little sorry for him. 

" How much do you ax for 'em?" ses I. 

" Eight boxes for a levy," ses he. 

They was jest the same kind of boxes that we git 
two for a thrip in Georgia, and though I didn't want 
none, I thought I'd buy some of him jest to patronize 
him 

'' Well," ses I, " give me two boxes." 

The little feller handed me two boxes and I gin him 
a sevenpence. 

" You may keep the change for profit," ses I. 

" Thank you, sir," ses he, and his eyes brightened up 
ds he put the money in his pocket. 

" I like to encourage honest enterprize," ses I. " Be 
honest, and never lie or cheat, and you'll always find 
friends^," ses I. 



(3e 




his nose and wiggled his fingers at me. Do you see anyu g b 
' eh, hofes?' ''—Lttter ix. p. 91. 



MAJOR JONES S TRAVELS. 91 

"Yes sir," ses he, "I never steals nor cheats no 
body." 

" That's right," ses I. That's a good boy." 

I went on smokin, and in a few minits, when I thought 
he was gone, I heard the httle feller behind me agin. 

" What," ses I. 

*' My sister died last week," ses he, " and we're very 
poor, and my mammy's sick, and I can't make money 
enough to buy medicine for the baby " 

" Well," ses I, " I don't want no more matches, but 
here's a quarter to add to your profits to-day." 

" Thank you, sir," ses he, and he went off agin 
thankin me, for the quarter. 

Poor little feller, thinks I, how much better to give 
him that quarter of a dollar than to smoke it out in 
segars. He'll go home to his poor mother, happy, and 
if he has fell any temptation to be a rogue, the recol- 
lection of my kindness will give him courage to be 
honest. I hadn't got done thinkin about him before 
here he was, back agin. 

" Daddy died last week," ses he, " and sister Betsy 
got her foot skalded, and we haint had no bred to eat 
not for a week — ever sense daddy died — and 

" Look here," says I, "you better go before you kill 
off all your relations : 1 begin to think you're a little 
imposter." 

" Oh, no sir, daddy is ded," ses he, " and mammy 
arid sister lives all alone, and mammy told me to ax 
you if you w^ould come and see her and give her some 
money." 

I begun to smell a rat, and ses I, " I'll see your 
mammy to the mischief fust, and if I'd had the same 
opinion of you that I have now, I'd never gin you the 
fust red cent." 

With that the little ragged cus sot up a big laugh, and 
put his thum on his nose and wiggled his fingers at me. 

" Do you see any thing green," ses he, " eh, hos ? 
What do you think of me now, eh ? Would you like 



92 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

to buy another levy's worth of matches ? You see," 
ses he, " I'm one of the b'hoys! — a out and out Fell's 

Pinter, by J ;" and then he ripped out a oath that 

nade the hair stand on my hed, and away he went. 

I felt like I was completely tuck in, and I never sed 
another word. But I made up my mind when I gin 
another quarter away to encourage honesty, it would be 
to a different sort of candidate ; and, throwing the 
stump of my segar into the water, I left the place and 
tuck the fust omminybus for the Exchange. I'm done 
with Baltimore, and shall start to-morrow for the city 
of Brotherly Love. So no more at present from 

Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 



MAJOK JONES's TRAVELS. 93 



LETTER X. 

Filladelfy, May 23, 1845. 

To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Si?' — You may be sure I 
was tired when I got back to the Exchange after my 
visit to Fell's Pint, last night. I couldn't help but 
think how I had been tuck in by that bominable little 
match seller, and I felt rite mad at myself for bein sich 
a fool. 

I had a fust rate appetite for my supper, and by the 
politeness of Mr. Dorsey — who, tween you and me, is 
one of the cleverest fellers I've met with sense I left 
Georgia — I got a invitation to take tea in the lady's 
supper room. You know when the grand caraven was 
in Pineville last year, the manager charged a thrip extra 
for admittin people when they was feedin the annimals. 
Well, it was worth the money ; and if Mr. Dorsey had 
charged me double price for eatin at the lady's ordinary 
as they call it, I wouldn't grumbled a bit. Ther was a 
heap of ladys at the table, rangin from litde school galls 
up to old grandmothers, all dressed out as fine as a fiddle, 
and lookin as pleasin and happy as the Georgia galls do 
at a Fourth of July barbycue ; and sich a gabblin as 
they did keep I never heard before. Jest over opposite 
to me was a bridle party from Virginny, what had jest 
been gettin married and had come to Baltimore to see 
ther honey-moon. It was really a interestin party, and 
it almost tuck my appetite from me to look at 'em, they 
was so happy and so lovin. They was only married 
'bout a week, and of course the world was all moonshine 
and hummin-birds and roses to them. They felt like 
ther was no other inhabitants in creation, and that all 
that was beautiful and bright and good on earth, was 



94 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

made for their enjoyment alone. They had ther brides- 
maid and groomsman along, and two or three more 
young ladys and gentlemen. The galls was all mon- 
strous handsum, but the bride was the handsumest of 
'ern all. Pore gall, she looked sort o' pale and couldn't 
eat much supper for lookin at her husband, and he 
drunk his tea 'thout any sweetenin in it, just cause she 
looked in his cup with her butiful soft eyes. 

They put me in mind of the time when I was married, 
and of Mary, and by the time supper was over I was 
as homesick as the mischief. Segars is good for the 
blues sometimes, and I smoked til my hed whirled 
round so I couldn't hardly hold my hat on, but it didn't 
do me not the least bit of good ; so I went to my room 
and tried to find in the arms of Morfyus a substitute for 
the arms of her who is a great deal dearer to me th?n 
any thing else in this world. 

I didn't git much time to sleep for dreamin all night, 
and when I waked up in the mornin, Hansum sed the 
second gong was rung, and if I was gwine to Filiadelfy 
in the cars I better git up rite off. Well, out I got, and 
dressed and went down to breckfust. After eatin a 
good breckfust I ax'd for my bill, and Hansum brung 
down my baggage. Every time I looked at Hansum he 
was grinnin, but as soon as he seed me lookin at him 
he straitened up his face and sort o' pretended to scratch 
his hed. I couldn't think what was the matter with the 
feller ; and when I looked at him pretty hard he grinned 
as much as to say, it was the strangest thing in the world 
to him w^hy I couldn't understand his meanin. Bimeby, 
when I was puttin my change in my purse, I spected what 
was the matter. " That's it ; aint it, Hansum," ses I, 
handin him a quarter. " Yes, sir, thank you, sir," ses 
he, and he grinned more'n ever, and if you ever seed 
a ugly nigger he was one. 

When I was reddy to start, I went to the door to see 
if they had put my trunks on the waggon to take them 
to the cars, and rite in the middle of the hall I met a 



MAJOn JONES's TRAVELS. 95 

cliap standin with a big painted tin label on his buzzum 
what had on it, " Boot Black," in big yaller letters. 
Thar he stood like a sentinel on quarter gard, as stiff as 
a post, and as I walked by him he kept turnin round, so 
his sio;n was all the time in view. When I cum back 
thar he stood in the same place, with his hands down by 
is side, and his hed up, lookin me rite in the face. 
Thinks I, he must be a deaf and dum man what blacks 
the boots of the establishment, and he want's me to giv 
him sum change. Well, I didn't know nothin about 
the deaf and dum language, and as I didn't have no slate 
and pencil handy, I begun to make signs to him, by 
pintin at my boots, and then at him, and then doin my 
hands like 1 was brushin a boot. He nodded his hed. 
Then I tuck out my purse and made a motion to him as 
much as to say, do you want sum money, and he nodded 
his hed agin, twice. Poor feller, thinks I, he can't dun 
nobody, and must lose many a debt whar people's al- 
ways gwine away in a hurry so. So I handed him a 
half a dollar. When it fell in his hand he opened his 
eyes and started like he was tuck by surprise. " Thank 
ye, sir," ses he, scrapin his foot and bowin his hed like 
a snappin turtle. " Thank ye, sir," ses he. 

You may depend that sot me back like the mischief. 

" If you ain't dum," ses I, " why didn't you speak 
before," ses I. 

" I had nothin to spake of," ses he. 

" Couldn't you sed you was the boot-blacker," ses [. 

" I'd tould ye that," ses he, " but I thought you 
could rade; " ' and where's the use of keepin a dog and 
doin one's own barkin,' " ses he. 

Tuck in agin, thinks I. If I hadn't thought he was a 
dum man I wouldn't gin him but a sevenpence, nohow. 

It was nine o'clock, and I was seated in the cars on 
my way to Filladelfy. The road runs rite along in the 
edge of the city, near the wharves, and gives a body a 
pretty good idee of the heavy bisness part of Baltimore 
from the basin clear out to Fell's Pint, in Old Town. 



96 MAJOR JONESES TRAVELS. 

After we got out of the city, they took . ut the horses 
and hitched in the old steam Be?zebub, and away we 
went, rattle-te-klink, over embankments and through 
cuts, across fields and over bridges, until we was soon 
out of site of Baltimore. The mornin w^as dark and 
cloudy and the ground was wet ; so if we lost any thing 
by not havin brighter skies and a better view of the 
scenery, we made up for it by not havin no dust to choke 
us to deth. This is a butiful railroad, and the cars is 
as comfortable as a rockin chair with arms to it. You 
haint got to be bumpin and crowdin up together in the 
seats like you do on some roads, for every man has a 
comfortable seat to himself; and another thing that I 
liked very much was, that the sparks aint always dartin 
about your face, and lightin down when you aint spectin 
nothin and burnin your clothes off of you. 

I begin to find it a great deal colder here than it was 
in Georgia when I left home. We had summer in 
Pineville more'n a month ago, and everybody had gardin 
vegetables on their tables, and my corn was more'n knee 
high long before I left. Here ther aint hardly a English 
pea to be seen, and the cornfield malitia is still on duty 
to skeer the birds from pullin up the sprouts. But in 
that line of bisness they can beat us all holler, for I've 
seed two or three skeercrows standin about in the corn- 
fields here that wouldn't only skeer all the birds in Geor- 
gia to deth, but they wouldn't leave a nigger on the 
plantation in twenty-four hours after they wer put in the 
field. They looked more like the old boy in regimentals 
than any thing I can think of. 

The road passes thiough a rather thinly popilated 
country most of the distance, til it gits to Haver-de- 
grass, whar it crosses the Susquehanny river. After that 
it goes through a country that keeps gettin better and 
better til we git to Wilmington, Delaware, which is a 
butiful town on the Brandywine river, 'bout thirty miles 
%m Filladelfy. Between Baltimore and the Susque- 
oanny we crossed over several rivers, on bridges, som 



MAJOR JONES 3 TKAVELS. 



97 



of 'em more'n a milt long, butther aintno chanGjin, only 
at the Susquehanny, which we crossed in a butifui steam- 
boat to the cars on the other side. From Wilmington 
all the way to Filladelfy, we w^er in site of the broad 
Delaware on our right, on the banks of which, and as 
far as we could see on the left, is one of the handsumest 
agricultural districts in the country — the houses lookin 
like palaces and the farms like gardens. * 

When the cars got to the depo, they was surroninded 
as usual by a regiment of whips. But the Filladelfy 
hackmen behaved themselves pretty w^ell for men in 
ther line of bisness. Ther wasn't more'n twenty of 
'em at me at one time, and none of 'em didn't 'tempt 
to take my baggage from me whether I would let 'em 
have it or not. Soon as I got so that I knowed which 
eend I was standin on, I took a hack and druv to the 
United States Hotel in Chestnut street, rite opposite 
the old raw head and bloody bones, the United States 
Bank. 

After dinner I tuck a walk up Chestnut street to the 
old State House, whar the Continental Congress made 
the Declaration of Independence. The old bildin stands 
whar it did, and the doorsills is thar, upon which the 
feet of our revolutionary fathers once rested ; but whar 
are they now ? Of all the brave hearts that throbbed 
m them old halls on the 4th of July, 1776, not one 
now is warmed by the pulse of life ! One by one they 
have sunk down into ther graves, leavin a grateful pos 
terity to the enjoyment of the civil and religious blessms 
for which they pledged ther " lives, ther fortins and thei 
sacred honors." I felt like I was walkin on consecrated 
ground, and I couldn't help but think that if some of our 
members of Congress was to pay a occasional pilgrimage 
to this Mecky of our political faith, and dwell but for a 
few hours on the example of the worthy men who once 
waked the echoes of these halls with ther patriotic 
eloquence, they would be apt to go back wiser and 
better politicians than they was when they cum, and that 



98 MAJOB Jones's travels. 

we would have less sound and more sense, less for 
Buncum and more for the country in ther speeches in 
our Capitol at Washington. 

After lookin about the old hall, I went up stairs into 
the steeple, whar the bell still hangs what was cast by 
order of Congress, to proclaim liberty to the world. It 
is cmcked and ruined, and like the w^alls in w^hich it- 
hangs, the monuments and statues and paintins, aad 
every other relic of them days, it remains a silent 
memento of the past, and as such it should be preserved 
as long as the metal of which it is made will stick to- 
gether. 

After takin a good look at it and readin the inscription 
on it, I went up higher in the steeple, and tuck a look 
at the city. Well, I thought thar was brick and morter 
enough under my eyes at one time when I w^as on the 
Washington monument in Baltimore ; but, sir, Balti- 
more, large as it is, ain't a primin to Filladelfy. I could 
see nothin but one eternal mass of houses on every side. 
On the east, I could see the Delaware, what divided the 
city from the houses on the Jersey side, but on the north 
and south, it was impossible to see the eend of 'em. 
They stretched out for miles, until you couldn't tell one 
from another, and then the confused mass of chimneys, 
roofs and steeples, seemed to mingrle in the gray obscure 
of the smoky horizon. The streets run north and south, 
east and west, at right angles, as strait and level as the 
rows in a cotton patch. The fact xs, I can't compare 
the city to any thing else but one everlastin big chess 
board, covered with pieces. The churches with steeples^ 
answerin for castles, the State-house. Exchange and 
other public bildins, for kings, the Bank.s for bishops, 
the Theatres and Hotels for knights, and so on down til 
you cum to the private houses, which would do to stand 
for counters. The only difficulty in the comparison is 
that ther ain't no room to move — the game bem com- 
pletely blocked or checkmated every whar, excepi round 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 99 

the edges, and whar ther is now and then a square left 
for a public walk. •, . .1 

I was standin thar ruminatin and wonderin at the great 
city that was stretched out at my feet and thinkin to 
myself what a heap of happiness and misery, wealth 
and poverty, virtue and vice it contamed, and how if 1 
was a Asmodeus what a interestin panorama it would 
afford me, when the fust thing I know'd I cum in a ace 
of jumpin spang off the steeple into the tree-tops below. 
Whano- ! went something rite close by me, with a noise 
louder^'than a fifty-six pounder, that made the old steeple 
totter and creak as if it was gwine all to pieces. I 
grabbed hold of the railins and held on to 'em with all 
my might, til I tuck seven of them allfired licks, every 
one of°which I thought would nock my senses out of 
me. It jarred my very inards, and made me so deaf I 
couldn't hear myself think for a ower afterwards. Come 
to find out it was the town clock strikin in the steeple 
rite over my head. It was a monstrous lucky thing for 
me that it wasn't no later, for I do believe if it had been 
ten or leven o'clock it would been the deth of me. 

As soon as I got able to travel I cum down out of 
that place and went through Independence Square, 
what's right in the rear of the State House, to Wash- 
ington Square. This is said to be the handsumest public 
square in the world— it certainly is the handsumest I 
ever seed, and I do blieve that on this occasion ther 
wasn't that spot of earth on the whole globe that could 
compare with it. I don't mean the square itself, though 
that is handsum enuff in all conscience, with its butiful 
gravelled walks, its handsum grass-plats, its shady trees, 
and ellegant iron fence, that would cost more itself than 
all the hviuses in Pineville— but what I mean is the scene 
what I saw in the square. 

If there was one I do blieve ther was fifteen hundied 
to two thousand children in the square at one time, ah 
rano-in from two to seven and eight years old, and all 
drelsed in the most butiful style. Thar they was. little 



100 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

galls and boys, all playin and movin about in every 
direction — some jumpin the rope, some rollin hoops, 
nere a party of little galls dancin the polker, and thar 
another playin at battledoor or the graces — some runnin 
races and some walkin, some of 'em butiful as little 
Coopids, and all as merry and sprightly as crickets. It 
was a kind of juvenile swoiree, as they call 'em here, 
and I never did see any little creaters that seemed to 
enjoy themselves so much. I never seed so many 
children together before in all my life, and it seemed to 
me ther wasn't a sickly one among 'em. Perhaps the 
sickly ones couldn't come out when the wether was so 
cool. But if they was a fair specemen of the children 
of Filladelfy, then I can say there aint a city in the 
world that can beat her for handsum, clean, well-dressed, 
healthy-lookin children. Ther was lots of nurses among 
'em to take care of 'em, and now and then you could see 
a pair of little niggers tryin to mix in with 'em ; but it 
was no go, and the pore little blackys had to sneak 
round the corners and look on like pore folks at a froi- 
hck, the little children not bein sufficiently edicated yet 
to enable them to discover their equals in the sable de- 
scendants of Africa. 

While I was lookin about in the square who should 
I see but the famous Count Barraty, what was out to 
Pineville you know about two years ago lecturein on 
Greece. Thar he was with the same old shaggy locks 
and big moustaches, standin near a groop of servant 
galls, with his arms folded, lookin on in the attitude of 
Bonaparte at St. Helleny. Poor old feller I couldn't 
help but pity him, when I thought what terrible vicissi- 
tudes he has passed through sense he was in Georgia. 
You know when he left Pineville he told us we would 
hear from him in the papers, and in less than a month 
we did hear from him shore enufT in the Pickyune, what 
gin a account of that terrible encounter he had with a 
cowhide in the hands of sum gentleman in New Orleans, 
whose lady didn't understand Greek enufT to enable her 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 101 

to appreciate his foreign manners. The count don't wear 
so much jeweh-y now as he use to in Georgia, and his 
clothes look a little seedy. But he's the same old Count 
in every other respect. As soon as he seed me he re 
laxed the austerity of his moustaches and went out of 
the square. 

Bimeby the swoiree was over, and the nurses begun 
to gether up ther charges and prepare for gwine home. 
The merry laugh and song soon died away, and troop 
after troop of little people filed out of the gates in every 
direction, until the square was entirely deserted. 

It was tea time and I went to my hotel. Sense tea 1 
have rit you this letter, informin you of my arrival here. 
I'm gwine to bed early to-night, and if it don't rain to- 
morrow I'm gwine to take a early start and see what 
FiUadelfy's made out of before nite. So no more from 

Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 



102 MAJOR Jones's trayels. 



LETTER XI. 

Filladelfy, May 24, 1845. 

To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — You know it's the 
fashion now-a-days for young people at the south, when 
they git married, to start rite off to the north before the 
preacher has hardly had time to bless 'em. Well, 1 
never could make out what they done so for — I never 
could see why they couldn't stay at home til they got 
rite well acquainted with one another before they went 
whar they wouldn't see nothing but strangers. One 
thing I do know though, and that is, they nor nobody 
else don't come to these big cities to sleep ; for if the 
seven sleepers themselves was to put up in one of these 
northern hotels, they'd have to take a dose of lodnum 
to save ther reputations. The omnibusses and carriages, 
and drays and carts, seems all the time like one evtr- 
lastin harrycane, roarin and rattlin, and crashin and 
smashin along over the stones from mornin til night, 
and from night til mornin ; and I don't care if they put 
you seven stories high, you can hear 'em all the time, 
and you can't sleep a wink, if you're ever so tired, til 
you learn to sleep with your ears open, and to dream 
'bout bein in sich a infernal racket that you can't hear 
yourself snore. 

I aint very certain whether I waked up at all or not 
this mornin, but I got up to breckfast, and after sprucin 
up a little, I went out to see the city. Gwine along up 
to Sixth street, who should I meet but Mr. ^lore, what 
you know was out to Pineville winter before last, tra- 
vellin for his helth. You remember he was almost ded 
with the consumption, and looked like he was bleeged 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 103 

to carry rocks in his pockets to keep the wind from 
blowin him away. Well, would you blieve it, he's a 
sound and well man, and looks this day as if he mought 
live to be a hundred years old. I never seed such a 
alteration in any body in my life, and I wouldn't have 
know'd him from Adam if he hadn't spoke to me fust. 

" Why, Major Jones," ses he, " how are you — how 
d'ye do ? I'm so glad to see you. How's Mrs. Jones 
and the baby, and all of 'em ?" 

I looked at him right hard while he was shakin my 
hand, and ses I, *' You've got the advantage of me, 
sir." 

" Why, don't you know me, Major — More's my 
name — don't you remember More, what used to come to 
your plantation after ?" 

" To be sure," ses I. " But is it possible ? Why 
you don't look like the same man. I never should 
have know'd you agin in the world. What upon yeath 
has brung you out so ?" 

" Why, major, when I cum back almost ded last 
Bummer, I tuck to drinkin " 

" Taint possible, Mr. More ; is you bloated up so ?" 
Bes I. 

" Oh no," ses he, " I didn't take to drinkin licker. 
[ drunk 'bout fifteen bottles of Schenck's Pulmonic 
Syrup, and you see what it's done for me." 

"Is it possible ?" ses I. 

'' Yes," ses he, " I weigh a hundred and thirty-five 
pounds now, and I'm indebted to Schenck's Syrup for 
nil but my bones. But no more about that," ses he 
' Whar are you gwine, and what can I do for you. Is 
per famly along ?" 

" No," ses I, " I'm jest on a little trip of observation 
to the north, and am only gwine to stay a day or two to 
look at your city." 

" Well," ses he, " then you'll jest walk with mc to 
die Exchange. When I git through a little bisness I'vt* 



104 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

got thar, we'll take a drive, and I'll show you the won- 
ders of this part of the world." 

Well, we went down to the Exchange, a butiful white 
marble bildin, with columns and porticos, and two mon- 
strous grate big lions layin upon the side of the steps. 
Its a very handsum bildin, and like all the public bildins 
in Filladelfy, is as clean and white as a Georgia bred- 
tray after a hard scrubbin. I looked round the big 
Change room, at the angels painted on the ceilin, and 
the other curiosities, til Mr. More got through his bis- 
ness, and then we went to the hotel, whar I waited til 
he could go home and git reddy. 

Bimeby here he cum in his carriage, with two splended 
match greys, and a couple of frends who was gwine with 
us. After introducin me to Mr. Wiggins and Mr. Hunter, 
we got in and druv out to Fairmount Water Works on 
the Skoolkill. 

I've seed picters of this place before, but I didn't 
have no idee it was so handsum, or that it was sich a 
grate curiosity. I can't take time to describe it to you 
now, but I can jest give you a idee of it. Well, you 
must know the river Skoolkill is a grate big river, almost 
as big as the Savanna or the Chattahooche in Georgia, 
that runs down by the city til it empties into the Dela- 
ware. It used to go sweepin along on its journey to 
the sea as free as any other river in the nation, til some 
years ago, when the city authorities tuck it into therheds 
that they'd dam it, and set it to work. So they did ; 
and now it don't only furnish the water that the people 
use, but it is compelled, its own self, to throw that water 
up into the basins on the hill, so it can run down in the 
pipes all over the city. Ther is some of the biggest 
water wheels thar in the world, what make a noise like 
distant thunder, and remind one of the groans of old 
Ixion, as ther grate ponderous forms turn gloomily on 
ther never-resting axis. The house whar the works 
is, is a dark ug y place, and made me feel bad to be 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 105 

tiiar, but when I cum out and looked at the butiful 
basin of water between it and the hill, and seed the 
statu of a gall standin on a rock jest above, holdin a 
goose by the legs, with its neck stretched up and squirtin 
out of its mouth a stream of crystal water, that shot 
up into the bright sunshine and come down in sparklin 
dimonds all over her white marble shoulders, and seed 
the handsum bildins and statues and fountains, and the 
butiful scenery all around, I thought it was one of the 
most delightful places I ever seed in ray life, and if I'd 
had time to spare I could spent a whole day looking 
round it. 

After lookin about awhile at the Wire Suspension 
Bridge and other curiosities, we went to the Girard 
College, what we've heard so much about for the last 
fifteen years. You know Mr. Girard was a monstrous 
rich man, what died in Filladelfy a long ^ime ago, and 
left a heap of money to bild a college for 'he edication 
of the pore orfan boys of Pensilvany. The money was 
left in the hands of directors, who was to see that it was 
put to the proper purpose. Well, they're bildin a college, 
sure enuff, but I have my doubts whether it will ever be 
any benefit to the pore orfans for whom it was intended. 
It aint done yet, and thousands of pore children have 
growed up to be men sense it was commenced. When 
it is done, it will be one of the most aristocratic lookin 
institutions in this country, and I'm of the notion that 
if any pore boy ever does go through it, it will be like 
I did : in at the door and out at the roof, if he don't git 
kicked out before he gits so high. 

They tell me it aint nothin like the bildin Mr. Girard 
wanted it to be, and all the money has been used up in 
bildin a palace that wont have nothin to support it after 
it's bilt. I spose then it'll be seized for its debts and 
sold to some rich corporation for 'bout half what the 
ground is worth that it stands on, after which it wih be 
come a school whar no pore boy can ever learn his A 



106 MAJOR JOXES'S TRAVELS. 

B. C's. One thing is certain, it will be the handsumesl 
school house in creation when it is done ; but I think 
if I had Ihe money what one of its white marble pillars 
cost, I could do more good to the pore orfans of Pensil- 
vany with it than the whole bildin will ever do. No- 
body can look at this magnificent pile without bein filled 
with admiration ; but every true frend of the pore orfan 
would rather see it tumbled to the ground, if the money 
it has cost could be used to bild log free schools where 
they're needed, and pay teachers that w^ould edicate the 
poor children of the country. The greatest wonder to 
me is, how a man what had sense enuff to make so much 
money, and filanthropy enuff to give it for such a object, 
could allow'd himself to be so bamboozled in the man- 
agement of it. It convinces me of one thing, and that 
is, if a man really wants to do good in this w^orld with 
his money, he better be at it when he's on the top of the 
ground himself. 

We went through the bildin from the bottom to the 
top. It's all solid brick and marble, even to the roof, 
what is covered with marble shingles on brick rafters. 
Fire can't git hold of wood enuff to raise a blaze, and 
the walls is so thick and strong that nothin short of 
Florida lightnin or a South American yeathquake couldn't 
knock it down. 

While w^e was standin lookin at its lofiy proportions, 
its white marble walls, and its massive Corinthian cO' 
lumns, two little ragged boys come up to us and ax'd 
us to give 'em some money. " Please, sir, give me a 
cent to buy some bred for my mammy," sed one of 'em. 
He didn't have no matches to sell, and I gin himathrip, 
but I couldn't help but think how much more real inte- 
rest he had in that thrip, than he had in the magnificent 
edifice that was erectin for him. The old maxim ses, 
that charity covers a heap of sins, but when the amount 
of money that is misapplied by Ui.? ostentation of the 
rich, in the name of charity, is deducted from the sum 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 107 

total that is given, ther wouldn't be enufT left to save 
many souls, I reckon. 

The next place we went to, was the Laurel Hill 
cemetary, a butiful berryin ground what stands on the 
banks of the Skoolkill, about a mile above the water 
w^orks. The fust thing we seed after we got in the gate 
was a butiful group of sculpture in coarse brown stone, 
representin Walter Scott the great novelist, settin down 
with his hat in his hand, holdin a interview with " Old 
Mortality," who is in the act of repairin a old tomb-stone, 
while his donkey is standin by with his bag of tools on 
its back. The figures looks like life, and made me feel 
very solemn, as I recollected the character of that odd 
old man. It is a great pity that the artist didn't use 
better materials. Such a work should last as long as 
the fame of the great author, what will endure til the 
eend of the granite hills themselves. Mr. More tuck 
me all through the grounds, and showed me a heap of 
handsome monuments, and tombs of great statesmen 
and generals, and rich people, among which was some 
that cost more than enuff to bild a fine house to live in. 
It is a butiful place, whar rich people moulder in good 
society ; but whether they rest any better beneath ther 
costly marble monuments, than the pore people who sleep 
on the only spot of yeath they ever occupied without 
payin rent, and who have not even a slab, to perpetuate 
ther memories, is a circumstance what depends on the 
character of the lives they led in this w^orld. The 
monuments of wealth is gratifyin to the pride and grate- 
ful to the feelins and affections of the livin, but it is only 
the wealth of virtuous actions that avails us any thing 
when we are laid in the grave. A pure unspotted heart 
in the grave is worth all Jhe costly marble that could be 
piled upon it. 

We looked round and red the inscriptions til we got 
tired, and then we went to our carriage. It was pretty 
aear rlinner time, and the company proposed to go to 



108 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

Evan's Tavern, at the Falls, and git a dinner of Catfish 
and Coffy. Well, Mr. More's greys soon brung us to 
the place, and we had a dinner in no time, and a fust 
rate dinner it was. I never drunk better CoiTy nor eat 
better Catfish, and we had lots of other good things be- 
sides. If you're ever in these parts, you must be sure 
o take a dinner at the Falls Tavern. 

After dinner we went on til we cum to the Wis- 
sahicken, and druv along on its banks for about a mile, 
through some of the prettyest scenery I ever seed in my 
life. The stream runs along between rocky banks that 
rise into bold and broken hills on both sides, and are 
covered with trees that looks as fresh and wild as if they 
didn't stand in sight of the smoke of one of the largest 
cities in the world. • Every now and then we met parties 
of boys and galls Avho was out boat-ridin and gatherin 
flowers, and once we came across a whole skool of galls 
who was out on a May frolick, with music and banners, 
carrying ther armsfull of flowers, and laughin and singin 
like so many wood nymphs. This is the place whai 
Fanny Keml)lc WTit sich butiful poetry, and I don't 
wonder at it, for I do blieve a wheelbarrow would squeak 
in measured melody if it was rolled along on the bank 
of this butiful stream without grease. But poor Fanny 
fives no longer in a w^orld of poetic dreams. She has 
proved the sad realities of this wicked world, and her 
eyes, that no longer look upon the lovely Wissahicken, 
would now see more to make her sad than happy in 
scenes that was once so delightful to her contemplation. 

Turnin away from the Wissahicken, we crossed over 
to Germantown, the place whar you know the great 
battle was fit in the revolution. We undertuck to go 
the whole length of it, but after we got up as far as 
Chew's House, w^har the British made sich a obstinate 
resistance, I begun to feel sorry for the horses, and told 
Mr. More w^e had better turn back. It's a monstrous 
curious, ancient looking town, with houses all bilt of 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 109 

stone, and looking like the great gran d-d adies of all the 
bouses in the world. I would liked to seed tother eenJ 
of it, but I'm told it's so long that when people from the 
Filladelfy eend want to go to tother, they take the steam- 
boats on the Delaware and go round byway of Burling- 
ton or Trenton, New Jersey. The inhabitants is most 
of 'em people who do bisness in Filladelfy and have 
their residence out thar. Mr. Wiggins pinted out to 
me the residences of a good many of his acquaintances, 
and among the rest that of Mr. C. Alexander, the Alex- 
ander the Great of the Filladelfy press. 

We wasn't long gwine to the city, but it was some 
time before we got to the United States Hotel. As we 
druv along through the streets I couldn't help but notice 
how strait and clean they was, and every now and then 
we met people what they call Quakers — the stiffest, 
starchiest, mealy-mouthed lookin people I ever seed. 
The men had on broad-tailed snuff-colored coats and 
broad-rimmed hats, and looked as sober and solemn as 
if butter wouldn't melt in their mouths. The wimmm, 
most all of 'em, had on drab colored dresses and wore 
silk bonnets what sot rite down over ther faces like cala- 
bashes, so you couldn't hardly see whether they waf 
nandsum or not. But every now and then I got a glims( 
of a monstrous pretty face from under them bominabh 
wagon-cover lookin bonnets. Ther's a grate many Qua 
kers in Filladelfy, and they're monstrous good people 
only they will meddle with what don't consarn 'em, anC 
keep all the time botherinthe Southern people 'boutthei 
niggers. I don't want to say any thing agin the Quaker; 
— I know that as a class ther aint a more honest, re 
spectable body of people in the country. But then 1 
really do think that people what claim so much liberty 
of conscience as to exampt 'em from the discharge of 
ther duty to ther country, by whose laws they are pro- 
tected in all the privileges of citizenship, ought at least 
to allow the people of the South liberty of conscience 



\ 

1^0 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

to be the judges of ther own domestic institutions. Peo- 
ple like them who go for non-resistance under all cir- 
cumstances, ought to be the last people in the world to 
make aggressions upon the rights of others. But I 
musent git on that subject or Fll never git done my letter. 
It was most tea-time when we got back. I went to the 
Theatre to see the Opera last night, but I'll tell you aL 
about that in my next. So no more from 

Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 



MAJOR Jones's travels. Ill 



LETTER XII. 

Filladelfy, May 25, 1845. 
To Mr. Thompson -.—Dear Sir— I told you in my 
last letter that I was gwine to the opery, and that Pd 
tell you what I thought of 'em. Well, to tell you the 
truth, I like the opery well enuff, all but the singin. 
The scenery is very handsum, the actin is good, and 
the fiddlin is fust rate ; but so much singin spiles evry 
thing. The opery what I went to see at the Chesnut 
street theatre, was the Bohemian Gall, and the acters 
was the celebrated Segwin Troop, as they call 'em, and 
I spose they done it up as well as anybody else could 
do it ; but accordin to my notion, there's monstrous little 
sense in any such carryins on. If operys didn't cum 
from Paris, whar all the fashionable bonnets and evry 
thing else comes from, and it wasn't considered un- 
fashionable not to admire 'em, I don't blieye ther's 
many peeple in this country what would be wilKn to pay 
a half a dollar a night to hear sich a everlastin cater- 
waulin as they do make. 

As soon as I got my tea, I went to the theatre, what 
ain't a grate ways from my hotel, and after buyin a ticket 
of a man in a little hole outside of the ^reen dores, I 
went in and tuck a seat on one of the cushioned benches 
what they call boxes. Ther was a good many peeple 
in the theatre and ever so many wimmin, all dressed 
out as fine as they could be, and sum of 'em lookin 
monstrous handsum. 

Bimeby one of the fiddlers down in the place they 
call the orkestry, tuck up his fiddle-stick, and rapped 
on his desk, at which evry musicianer grabbed his in- 
strument. Then the man with the fiddle-stick, aftei 



112 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

waviii It up and down three or four times, gin his lidd- 1 
a scrape or two what seemed to set the whole of V^q 
agwine ; and sich another hurra's nest I never did I car 
before. Sumtimes all of 'em stopped but one or wo ; 
then they all struck up agin as hard as they could np it. 
Sumtimes the musick was low and soft as the voit e of a 
sick kitten, and then it w^as loud and terrible, as if all 
the lions, bulls, jackasses, and hiennys in creashun had 
got together, and w^as tryin to see which could make 
the biggest racket. They seemed to have evry thing 
in the world that would make a noise, from a base drum 
to a jewsharp ; and evry feller tried to do his best. 
One old feller had a grate big fiddle of about one hun- 
dred boss power, and the way he did rear and pitch 
and pull and jerk at it, was really distressin. The old 
feller seemed to have the highstericks for fear he 
couldn't make as much noise as the rest of 'em, and 
he rolled his eyes and twisted his mouth about enuff to 
frighten all the ladys out of ther senses. Bimeby they 
all blowed out, and at the ring of the bell up went the 
curtain. 

Then the opery commenced, but for the soul of me I 
couldn't hardly make out bed nor tail to it, though I 
listened at 'em with all my ears, eyes, mouth, and nose. 
The fust thing was a grand singin match by a whole 
heap of Bohemian sogers and wimmin, 'bout nobody 
could tell what. Then thar was a big fat feller named 
Thadeus, what the bill sed was a Polish exile, what 
had run away from his country, cum on and sung a song 
'bout his troubles, but he put so many dimmy-simmy 
quivers in it that nobody couldn't understand what hurt 
him. 'Bout this time ther w^as a gang of Murrelite 
lookin peeple, what they called Gipseys, made ther ap- 
pearance. The bed man among them was a old feller 
named Devil's-hoofT, what had the whitest teeth I ever 
seed in a wdiite man's bed. This old cus sot to robbiii 
thi fat Pomander the fust thing, but his wife, w^ho seemed 
to wear the trowsers, wouldn't let him; and after a little 



MAJOR JOXES'S TRAVELS. 113 

s:ngin the Gipseys agreed to take the fat exile into thei 
gang, and hide him from his pursuers. Then the Gip- 
seys went to whar the Governor of Bohemia and his 
peeple was, and while they was all singin and carryin 
on, sumbody cum in and told them that a wild hog or 
sum other varmint was 'bout to eat up the Governor's 
baby. Then ther was a rumpus — his excellency and 
all his sogers run about the stage and looked at one 
another as much as to say, " Grate Heavens ! what's to 
be done ;" til the fat Polander tuck up a gun what was 
leanin agin the house, and run out and shot the varmint, 
whatever it was, and brung in the baby safe and sound 
to its mammy. Then they had another singin match. 
The Governor was very much obleeged to the fat man 
for savin his baby, and sung to him if he w^ouldn't take 
sumthing to drink. Mr. Thadeus 'lowed he didn't care 
if he did, and the licker was sot out ; but the Governor 
didn't have no better sense than to propose sum political 
sentiment what didn't set well on the stummick of the 
fat Polander, who throwd down his glass and spilled 
the licker all over the floor. Then ther was a terrible 
rumpus agin. The Governor made his sogers grab the 
man what spilled the licker — with that, old Devil's-hooff 
fell to singin and rearin and shinin, tryin to git his frend 
out of the hands of the sogers^— but they sung as loud 
as he did, and tuck him, too, and put him in jail with 
Mr. Thadeus. But while the Governor and his frends 
was singin about it, old Devil's-hooff got out of the jail 
and stole the baby what the fat Polander had saved, and 
run off with it. They saw him with the baby in his 
arms, but th^ sogers was afraid to shoot at him lor fear 
of killin it; and when the old rascal got across the 
bridge he took out his jack-knife or sumthing else and 
cut it down, so they co''ldn't foller him. Then all fell 
to singin agin as hard as they could, like a barn-yard 
full of chickens when a hawk has jest carried off one 
of ther little ones. When they was about out of breth 
they let the curtain down for -em to rest. 



114 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

Well, thinks I, if that's what you call a opery, Vd & 
monstrous sight rather see a genuine old Georgia corn 
Khuckin frollick, what ther's sum sense in. 

Rite close beside me w^as a feller with three or four 
alls, w^hat kep all the time lookin round the house at 
the peeple, wath a kind of double-barreled spy-glass, 
and gabblein and chatterin like a parsel of geese. They 
was all dressed within a inch of ther lives, and the chap 
had a red and blue morocco cap on, what sot rite tite 
down to his hed like a ball-cover. He had a monstrous 
small hed, and when he had the spy-glasses up to his 
eyes he looked jest like a double-barreled percussion 
pistol, and I had half a mind jest to tap him on the hed 
with my cane to see if he wouldn't go off. 

" Now, ladies," ses he, " we've got to wait til that 
baby grows to be a woman before we see any more of 
the opery." 

" Dear me," ses one of the galls, " I hope they won't 
keep us waitin so long 'tween the acts as they always 
do ; for I'm so much delighted with the opery." 

" And me, too," ses another one. " It's so refreshin 
to hear sich delightful melody ; I shall be very im- 
patient." 

" It's exceedingly foin," ses the feller with the per- 
cussion cap, lookin roi^nd the theatre wuth his spy 
glasses. " I nevaw heard Segwin in better tune 
Fwazau is pwefectly delightful. But I must beg the 
ladies to be patient." 

Thinks I, I'll be monstrous apt to be in old Georgia 
agin before that baby grows to be a gall ; but I can set 
up as long as any of you, and, as iive paid my money, 
I'm 'termined to see it out. 

But I hadn't begun to git sleepy before up went the 
curtain agin, and the racket commenced. Shore enuft' 
thai was the baby grow'd to be a grate big gall, and 
Mr. Thadeus, as fat as e\'er, was thar singin love to lier. 

They've both been w^ith the gipseys ever sense, and 
j»hc's fell in love with the fat Polander, The queen ol 



MAJOn JOXES'S TRAVELS. 115 

the gipseys agrees to the match, and the raggymuffins 
ha : a grand frollick and dance on the occasion. 'Bout 
this time a Miss Nancy sort of a feller, what's sum 
relation to the Governor, comes projectin about among 
the gipseys, falls in love with the Bohemian gall, and 
wants her to have him. The gipsey queen, who seems 
to have sum spite agin the pore gall, steals a medal 
from the booby lover, and puts it on her neck ; when 
the feller, findin he can't git her to have nothin to say 
to him, has her tuck up for stealin, and carried before 
the governor. The governor, who^s haa the blues like 
the mischief ever sense he lost his baby, is 'bout gwine 
to punish her, when he finds out by some mark that she 
is his own daughter. Then he sings to her a heap, and 
she sings to him, and he takes her home to his palace, 
and wants her to marry his booby relation. But she's 
got better sense ; besides, she's hard and fast in love 
with Mr. Thadeus, and won't have nobody else Hei 
father won't consent for her to marry a wandtrm gip- 
sey, and thar's the mischief to pay, with singin enufffor 
a dozen camp-meetins, all mixed up so nobody can't 
tell hed nor tail to it. 'Bout this time, Mr. Thadeus 
shows the governor his last tailor's bill, or sumthing 
else, that proves to his excellency that he was a gentle- 
man once, and he gives his consent to the match. Mr. 
Thadeus and the Bohemian gall is monstrous happy, 
and old Devil's-hooff and the governor and all of 'em 
is takin another sing, when the queen of the gipseys 
puts up one of her vagabones to shoot Mrs. Thadeus 
that is to be ; but the feller bein a monstrous bad shot 
misses her and kills the queen, which puts a stop to her 
singin, though the rest of 'em sing away til the curtain 
draps. 

And that's the eend of the opery of the Bohemian 
Gall. I hain't got the squeelin and howlin and screechin 
of them 'bominable gipseys out of my hed yet, and I 
blieve if I was to live to be a hundred years old I 
wouldn't go to another opery, unless it was one that 



116 MAJon Jones's travels. 

didn't have no singin in it. I like a good song as welJ 
as anybody, and have got jest as good a ear for musick 
as tho next man, but I hain't got no notion of hearin 
twenty or thirty men and wimmin all singin together, 
in a perfect harrycane of noisy discord, so a body can't 
tell whether they're singin " Hail Columbia" or " Old 
Hundred. " Ther is sich a thing as overdoin any thing; 
and if you want to spile the best thing in the world, 
that's the surest way to do it. Well, for peeple what 
ain't good for much else but music, like the French, 
Germans, and Italians, a opery full of solos and duetts 
and quartetts and choruses, as they call 'em, would do 
very well, if they would only talk a little now and then, 
so a body could know what they was singin about. 
But to sing evry thing, so that a character can't say, 
"Come to supper, your excellency !" wdthout bawdin 
out — " Co-ho-ho-me to-oo-oo sup-up-up-e-e-er, your-r-r 
ex-cel-len-cy," with about five hundred dimmy-simmy 
quivers, so nobody can't tell whether he was called to 
supper, or whether he was told that his daddy was ded, 
is all nonsense. Let 'em sing whar ther is any senti- 
ment — any thing to sing about — but wdien ther is only 
a word or two that is necessary to the understandin of 
what comes after or goes before ; and whar ther ain't 
words enuff to make a stave of musick, what's the use 
of disguisin 'em so that ther ain't neither sense nor mu- 
sick in 'em. 

A body what never seed a opery before w^ould swar 
they was evry one either drunk or crazy as loons, if they 
was to see 'em in one of ther grand lung-tearin, ear- 
bustin blowouts. Fust one begins singin and makin all 
sorts of motions at another, then the other one sets in 
and tries to drown the noise of the fust, then tw^o or 
three more takes sides w^ith the fust one, and then sum 
more jines in with number tw^o, til bimeby the whole 
crowd gits at it, each one tryin to out-squall the other, 
and to make more motions than the rest. That sets the 
fiddlers a-goin harder and harder — the singers straiten 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 117 

out thcr necks and open ther mouths like so many car- 
pet-bags — the fiddlers scrape away as if they was gwine 
to saw their fiddles in two, wakin up the ghosts of all 
the cats that ever w^as made into fiddle-strings, and 
makin the aw^fulest faces, as if it was ther own entrels 
they was sawdn on — the clarineters and trumpeters 
swell and blow^ like bellowses, til their eyes stick out 
of ther heds like brass buttons on a lether trunk, and 
the drummer nocks aw^ay as if his salvation depended 
on nockin in the hed of his drum. By this time the 
roarin tempest of wind and sound surges and sweeps 
through the house like a equinoctial harrycane, risin 
higher and higher and gittin louder and stronger, til it 
almost blows the roof oflf the bildin, and you feel like 
dodgin the fallin rafters. For my part I shall have to 
go to singin-school a long time, and larn the keys from 
the pianissimo of the musketer's trumpet, up to the 
crashin fortissimo of a clap of thunder, before I shall 
have any taste for a grand opery. 

I've always had a great curiosity to see how the free 
niggers git along in the Northern States. So after 
breckfust this mornin, I ax'd the man what keeps the 
books at the hotel whar w^as the best place to see 'em ; 
for I'd heard gentlemen what had been in Filladelfy say 
that ther was whole squares in this city whar nobody 
but niggers lived. The book-keeper told me if I w^anted 
to see free niggers in all ther glory, I must go down 
Sixth street til I come to 'em. 

Well, I started, and sure enuff, I hadn't gone many 
squares before I begun to smell 'em, and never will I 
forgit the sight I saw down in Small street, and sum 
other streets in that neighborhood. Gracious know^s, 
if anybody wants to git ther simpathies excited for the 
pore nigger, all they have got to do is to go to this part 
of Filladelfy. I've been on the big rice plantashuns in 
Georgia, and I've seed large gangs of niggers that had 
the meanest kind of masters, but I never seed any pore 
creaters in sich a state of retchedness in all my life. I 



118 MAJOR JOI^ES'S TRAVELS. 

• 

couldn't help but feel sorry for 'em, and if I was able, 
I'd been willin to paid the passage of the whole gene- 
ration of 'em to Georgia, whar they could git good 
masters that would make the young ones work, and 
would take care of the old ones. 

Thar they was, covered with rags and dirt, livin in 
houses and cellars, without hardly any furniture ; and 
sum of 'em without dores or winders. Pore, miserable, 
sickly-lookin creaters! it was enuffto make a abolition- 
ist's hart ake to see 'em crawlin out of the damp straw 
of the cellars, to sun themselves on the cellar-dores til 
they got able to start out to beg or steal sumthing to eat, 
while them that was able was cussin and fightin about 
what little they had. You couldn't hardly tell the men 
from the wimmin for ther rags ; and many of 'em was 
diseased and bloated up like frogs, and lay sprawlin 
about like so many cooters in a mud-hole, with ther red 
eyes peepin out of ther dark rooms and cellars like 
lizards in a pile of rotten logs. 

This, thinks I, is nigger freedom ; this is the condi- 
tion to which the filanthropists of the North wants to 
bring the happy black peeple of the South ! Well, one 
of two things is certain : — either the abolitionists is a 
grand set of hippocritical scoundrels, or they are totally 
Ignorant of the condition of the slaves what they want 
to git away from ther masters. Materially considered, 
the niggers of Georgia is as much better off than the 
niggers of Pensylvany, as the pore peeple of America 
is better off than the pore peeple of Ireland ; and, 
morally considered, the advantage is equally as great in 
favor of the slaves of the South over the pore free nig- 
gers of the North. For whar social equallity cannot 
possibly exist, the black peeple are miserable jest in the 
degree that they approach to equality in wealth and 
edication with the whites, and are enabled to under- 
stand their degraded position. What's the use to talk 
about equallity when no such thing exists. Ther is as 
much prejudice agin coler here as any whar else. A 



119 

Dody sees that in ther churches, and theatres, and 
courts, and evrywhar else. Nobody here that has any 
respect for themselves, treats a nigger as ther equal, ex- 
cept a few fannyticks, and they only do it to give the 
lie to ther own feelins, and to insult the feelins of others. 
At the South, the relation between the two races is un- 
derstood by both parties, and a white man ain't at all 
jealous of the pretensions of his servants ; but here, 
ther is a constant jealous enmity existin betw^een the 
whites w^hose occupations brings 'em in contact with 
'em, and the niggers, who is all the time aspirin to a 
social equallity, w^hat they never can attain til ther wool 
growls strait and ther skins fade white. The races is, 
naturally, social antagonists, and it is only in the rela- 
tion of master and servant that they can exist peace- 
ably together. Then, unless the abolitionists can put 
'em back into Africa w^har they come from, in a better 
condition than they was when they found 'em, or unless 
they is w^illin to take ther turn bein servants, they better 
let 'em alone. 

For my part, I've got as much feelin for the niggers 
as anybody can have ; but sense they are here among 
us, and I've got to live with 'em, I prefer bein master 
myself and treatin 'em well, to lettin them be masters 
and takin the chances of ther treatin me well. But 
one thing is monstrous certain, if my niggers wasn't 
better off and happyer on my plantation than these 
Northern free niggers is, I wouldn't own 'em a single 
day longer. My niggers has got plenty of hog and 
hommony to eat, and plenty of good comfortable clothes 
to wear, and no debts to pay, wdth no more work than 
w^hat is good for ther helth ; and if that ain't better than 
freedom, with rags, dirt, starvation, doctor's bills, la\\^ 
suits, and the five thousand other glorious privileges 
and responsibilities of free nigger citizenship, without 
the hope of ever turnin white and becomin eq'-al with 
ther superiors, then I ain't no filossofer. 

After lookin into sum streets that I wouldn't risk my 



120 MAJOR JOXES'S TRAVELS. 

life in gwine through, and seein scenes of destitution 
and misery enuff" to make one's very hart sick, I went 
back to my hotel. T spent the rest of the day lookin 
about over the city with Mr. More, who wanted me to 
go to the opery with him agin. But I coukln't stand 
that, and after tea I paid my bill and got all reddy to 
leave for New York to-morrow mornin, bright and early. 
In a few hours more I will be in the great Gotham. 
No more from Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 121 



LETTER XIII. 

New York, June 2, 1845. 
To Mr. Thompson -.—Dear Sir— I arriv in this city, 
all safe and sound, yesterday afternoon about three 
o'clock, but to tell you the truth, if I had cum up minus 
my coat-tail, or even a leg or arm, aft^r sich a everlastm 
racket as I have been in ever sense I left Fi ladelfy, 1 
wouldn't been much surprised. As for co lectm my 
senses and gitin my mind composed so as to know my- 
self or any thing else certain, I don't never expect to 
do it, as long as I'm in this great whnlpool of livm 

^Tiittle circumstance happened to me last night before 
I had been here only a few hours, that sot me back a 
little the worst. I never was so oudaciously tuck in in 
all my born days, and if you had heard me cus about 
it, you'd thought I was turned a real Hottentot sure 
enuff. But to begin whar I left off in my last letter. 

The porter at the United States Hotel waked me up 
early in the mornin, and I got to the steamboat jest m 
time. It was a butiful bright mornin and the stoi-e- 
keepers was openin ther stores, while the servant galls 
was scrubbin the dore-steps of the houses and washin 
off the pavements in front of 'em. I looked at em as 
I rode along in the hack, and I couldn't help fee in sorry 
to see such butiful, rosy-cheeked white galls, down in 
the dirt and slop in the streets, doin work that is only 
fit for niggers. They say here that they aint nothing 
but slewers-but I seed sum that I would tuck for re 
spectable white galls if I had seed 'em in Georgia. 
Slewers or whatever they is, they is my own color, and 
a few dollars would make 'em as good as ther mistresses. 



122 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

m the estimarion of them that turns up ther noses at 'ei^ 
now. 

The Delaware is a noble river, and Filladelfy is 6 
city worthy to stand on its banks. From the deck of 
the steamboat we had a splendid panaramic view of it, 
as we passed block after block, the streets runnin up 
from the water's edge, strait as a bee line, and affordin 
us glimpses of the fine houses and elegant public bildins 
that makes Filladelfy one of the handsumest cities in 
the world. But, long as it is, we was soon past it, and 
in a few minits its numerous steeples and towers and 
masts faded away in the distance, and we turned our 
eyes on the butiful country on both sides of the river. 

Butiful farm houses and bright-lookin little towns was 
most all the time in site, till we got to the place what 
they call Bristol, whar we tuck the cars to New York. 
The railroad runs along on the bank of a canal part of 
the way, crosses the river on a splendid bridge, and 
passes through Trenton, Princeton, Newark, and a heap 
of other towns in New Jersey, til it gits to Jersey City, 
what stands on the Hudson river, opposite to the cit^ 
of New York. 

Well, when we got to Jersey City, we all got out and 
scrambled through the crowd as well as we could to 
the boat what was thar to take us across the river to 
New York. When we got up to the gate what encloses 
the wharf we could see the hackmen and porters peepin 
at us through the palins, like so many wild varmints in 
a big cage, ready and eager to devour us and our bag- 
gage too. I tuck my cane tight in my hand and kep a 
sharp eye on 'em, determined to defend myself to the' 
last. As soon as the gates was open we rushed for the 
boat and they rushed at us. Sich another hellabaloo I 
never did see before, and I expected every minit to see 
sumbody git spilled overboard into the river. 

I found it wasn't no use to try to keep 'em off with- 
out nockin sum of 'em in the hed, and then I would 
only be like the fox m the spellin book, ready to be 



MAJOR JOXES'S TRAVELS. 123 

worried to deth hy a fresh gang. So \xhen they cum 
round me with "Have a hack, sir?" — ''I'm public 
poorter^ sir." — "•' Shall I take your baggage up, sir?" — 
'' Will you give me }'Our checks, sir ?" — " Take you 
ap for two shillins, sir, to any part of the city," — all of 
'em hundin ther cards to me at once — I jest backed up 
agin the side of the boat and tuck evry card they handed 
to me, without sayin a word, and when they ax'd me 
for my checks I was deaf and dum, and cou?.in't un- 
derstand a word they sed. That sot 'em to pushin and 
crowdin one another, and hollerin in my ear, and makin 
signs to me, til they found they couldn't make nothing 
out of me, and then they started after sum new victim. 
Among the passengers ther was a old sun-burnt lookin 
feller, with green spectacles on, what put me in mind 
of a Georgia steam doctor, and w^ho seemed to think 
he know^'d more than anybody else 'bout evrything. 
He was gabbin and talkin to evrybody all the way on 
the steamboat, and in the cars, and tryin his best to git 
up a argyment 'bout religion with sumbody. One w^ould 
supposed he owned half the baggage aboard, to hear 
him talk about it, and when we got on the ferry boat he 
was the bissyest man in the crowd, rearin and pitchin 
among the hackmen and porters like a blind dog in a 
meat house, and tryin to git into the crowd what was 
gathered all round the baggage like flies round a fat 
gourd. Bimc-by a honest lookin Irishman cum up to me, 
arid ses he, handin his card, " Shall I take your bag- 
gage, sir ?" Ther was sumthing like honest independ- 
ence in the feller's fiice, and I gin him my checks, and 
in he went for my trunks. In a minit he cum out safe 
and sound with one of 'em. " Stand by it, sir," ses 
he, " til I git the other." I tuck my stand, and it was 
jest as much as I could do to keep the devils from carryin 
it off with me on top of it. Ther was sich a everlastin 
rumpus I couldn't hear myself think. The clerks was 
callin out the numbers — evrybody was runnin about and 
ookin after ther baggage, children was cryin, wimmiu 



124 



MAJOR JONES S TRAVELS. 



was callin for ther husbands to look out for ther band- 
boxes — hackmen and porters was hollerin and shoutin at 
the people and at one another — whips was stickin in 
your eyes evry way you turned — and trunks, and carpet 
bags and boxes was tumblin and rollin in every direction, 
rakin your shins and mashin your toes in spile of all you 
could do. In the middle of the fuss thar was old 
Pepperpod, with his old cotton umbereller in his hand, 
elbowin his way into the crowd and whoopin and hollerin 
over evrybody else til he disappeared in the middle of 
'em. In about a minit here he cum agin, cusin and 
cavortin enuff to sink the boat, with a pair of old saddle 
bags in one hand, sum pieces of whalebone and part 
of the handle of his umbrelier in the other, his hat gone, 
and his coat-tail split clear up to the collar. He was 
mad as a hornit, and swore he would prosecute the com- 
pany for five thousand dollars damages for salt and bat- 
tery and manslaughter in the second degree. He cut a 
terrible figer, but evrybody was too bissy to laugh at 
him. I thought to myself that his perseverance was 
porely rewarded that time. 

I sot thar and waited til nearly everybody was gone 
from the boat, and til my Irishman had picked up all 
the other customers he could git, before he come and 
tuck my trunk and told me to foller him to his hack. 
After cumin in a ace of gettin run over three or four 
times, I got to the hack, what was standin in the middle 
of 'bout five hundred more hacks and drays, all mixed up 
with the bowsprits and yards of ships that was stickin 
out over the edge of the wharves and pokin ther eends 
ahnost into the wi.nders of the stores. The hackman 
ax'd me what hotel I wanted to go to. I told him to 
take me whar the southern travel stopped. " That's the 
American," ses he, and after waitin til the way opened 
so \ye could git out, we druv to the American Hotel on 
Broadway, rite opposite to the Pnrk. 

It was 'bout three o'clock when I got to the Hotel, 
and after brushin and scrubbin a Utile of the dust otT, 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 125 

and gittin my dinner, I tuck a turn out into the great 
Broadway, what I've heaid so much about, ever sense 
I was big enuff to read the newspapers, to see if it was 
wliat it's cracked up to be. Well, when I got to the 
door of the Hotel I thought ther must be a funeral or 
something else gwine by, and I waited some time, 
thinkin they would all git past ; but they only seemed 
to git thicker and faster and more of 'em the longer I 
waited, til bimeby I begun to discover that they was 
gwine both ways, and that it was no procession at all, 
but jest one everlastin stream of peeple passin up and 
down the street, cumin from all parts of creation, and 
gwine Lord only knows whar. 

I mix'd in with 'em, but I tell you what, I found it 
monstrous rough traveUin. The fact is a chicken-coop 
mought as well expect to float down the Savannah river 
m a freshet and not git nocked to pieces by the drift- 
wood, as for a person what aint used to it to expect to 
git along in Broadway without gettin jostled from one 
side to tother at every step, and pushed into the street 
a'jout three times a minit. A body must watch the 
c irrents and eddies, and foller'em and keep up with 'em, 
il they don't want to git run over by die crowd or nocked 
oT'thc sidewalk, to be ground into mince-meat by the 
t/erlastin ominybusses. In the fust place, I undertuck 
t») go up Broadway on the left hand side of the pave- 
luent, but I mought jest as well tried to paddle a canoe 
up the falls of Tallula. In spite of all the dodgin I 
could do, sumbody was all the time bumpin up agin 
me, so that with the bumps I got from the men and 
givin back for the wummin, I found I was loosin ground 
instead of gwine ahed. Then I kep " to the right as 
the law directs," but here I like to got run over by the 
crowd of men and wdmmin and children and niggers, 
what was all gwine as fast as if ther houses was afire, 
or they was runnin for the doctor. And if I happened 
to stop to look at any thing, the fust thing I knowed 1 
was januned out among the ominybusses, what was 



126 MAjon joxEs's travels. 

dashin and whirlin along over the stones like one eternal 
train of railroad cars, makin a noise like heaven and 
yeath was cumin together. Then ther was the carriages 
and hacks and market wagons and milk carts, rippin and 
tearin along in every direction — the drivers hollerin and 
poppin ther whips — the peeple talkin to one another as 
if ther lungs was made out of sole leather — soldiers 
march in with bands of music, beatin ther drums, and 
blowin and slidin ther tromboons and trumpets with all 
ther might — all together makin noise enuff to drive the 
very old Nick himself out of his senses. It was more 
than I could stand — my dander begun to git up, and I 
rushed out into the fust street I cum to, to try to git out 
of the racket before it sot me crazy sure enuff, when 
what should I meet but a dratted grate big nigger with a 
bell in his hand, ringin it rite in my face as hard as he 
could, and hollerin sumthing loud enuff to split the hed 
of a lamp post. That was too much, and I made a lick 
at the feller with my cane that would lowered his key 
if it had hit him, at the same time that I grabbed him 
by the collar, and ax'd him what in the name of thunder 
he meant by sich imperence. The feller drapped his 
bell and shut his catfish mouth, and rollin up the whites 
of his eyes, 'thout sayin a word, he broke away from 
me as hard as he could tear, and I hastened on to find 
some place less like bedlam than Broadway. 

By this time it was most dark, and after walkin down 
one street til I cum to a grate big gardin with trees in it, 
whar it was so still that noises begun to sound natural 
to me agin, I sot down on the railins and rested myself 
awhile, and then sot out for my hotel. I walked and 
v;alked for some time, but somehow or other I couldn't 
find the way. I inquired for the American Hotel two 
or three times and got the direction, but the streets 
twisted about so that it was out of the question for me 
to foller 'cm when they told me, and I begun to think 
I'd have to take up my lodgins somewhar else for that 
night, I was so tired. Binieby I cum to a street thai 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 127 

was very still and quiet, what they called Chambers street, 
avd while I was standin on the corner, thinkin which 
way I should go, 'long cum a pore woman with a bundle 
under her arm, creepin along as if she wasn't hardly able 
to walk. When she seed me she cum up to me and put 
her hankerchef to her eyes, and ses she : 

" Mister, I'm a pore woman, and my husban's so sick 
e ain't able to do any work, and me and my pore little 
children is almost starvin for bred. Won't you be good 
enuflf to give me two shillins?" 

I looked at her a bit, and thought of the way the 
match-boy served me in Baltimore, and ses I — 

" Hain't you got no relations nor neighbors that can 
help you ?" 

" Oh no, sir ; I'm too pore to have relations or neigh- 
bors. I was better off once, and then I had plenty of 
frends." 

That's the way of the world, think's I ; we always 
have frends til we need 'em. 

'' Oh, sir, if you only know'd how hard I have to 
work, you'd pity me — I know you would." 

" What do you do for a livin ?" ses I ; for she looked 
too delicate to do much. 

"I do fine washin and ironin," ses she; " but I'm 
sick so much that I can't make enuff to support us ;" 
and then she coffed a real graveyard coff. 

" Why don't you git sum of Schenck's Pulmonic 
Syrup ?" ses I. 

"0, sir," ses she, "I'm too pore to buy medicin, 
when my pore little children is dyin for bred." 

That touched me — to think sich a delicate young cre- 
tur as her should have to struggle so hard, and I tuck 
ut my purse and gin her a dollar. 

" Thar," ses I, " that will help you a little." 

" Oh, bless you, sir ; you're so kind. Now I'll buy 
binn medicin for my pore husband. Will you be good 
eiiulT to hold this bundle fo me til I step back to that 
8 



128 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

drug-store on the corner? It's so heavy — Pll be back 
in a minit," ses she. 

I felt so sorry for the pore woman that I couldn't re- 
fuse her sich a little favor, so I tuck her bundle to hold 
it for her. She sed she was 'fraid the fine dresses 
mought git rumpled, and then her customers wouldn't 
pay her; so I tuck 'em in my arms very careful, and 
she went to the store after the medicin. 

Ther was a good many peeple passin by, and I 
walked up from the corner a little ways, so they 
shouldn't see me standin thar with the bundle in my 
arms. I begun to think it was time for the woman to 
cum back, and the bundle was beginnin to git pretty 
heavy, when I thought I felt sumthing movin in it. 1 
stopped rite still, and held my breth to hear if it w^as 
any thing, when it begun to squirm about more and 
more, and I heard a noise jest like a tom-cat in the bundle. 
I never was so supprised in my life, and I cum in a ace 
of lettin it drap rite on the pavement. Thinks I, in the 
name of creation what is it? I walked down to the 
lamp-post to see what it w^as, and Mr. Thompson, would 
you believe me, it was a live baby ! I was so cum- 
pletely tuck aback that I staggered up agin the lamp- 
post, and held on to it, while it kicked and squalled 
like a young panter, and the sweat jest poured out of 
me in a stream. What upon yeath to do I didn't know. 
Thar I was in a strange city, whar nobody didn't know 
me, out in the street with a little young baby in my 
arms. I never was so mad at a female woman before 
in all my life, and I never felt so much like a dratted 
fool as I did that minit. 

I started for the drug-store with the baby squallin like 
rath, and the more I tried to hush it the louder it squalled. 
The man whatkep the store sed he hadn't seed no such 
woman, and I musn't bring no babys in thar. 

By this time a everlastin crowd of peeple — men and 
wimmin — was gathered round, so I couldn't go no whar, 




"Says she to Major Jones, ' I 'm a poor woman, my husbau's sick ; won't 
yoTi hold this bundle for me till I go into the drug store for some medicine ?' I 
did so, got tired of waiting, and walked down to the lamp-post to see what it 
was. ' It was a live baby,' and the sweat poured out of me, I tell you, in a 
stream."— Le«erxiii. p. 128. 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 129 

all gabblln and talkin so I couldn't hardly hear the baby 

squall. 

I told 'era how it was, and told 'em I was a stranger 
in New York, and ax'd 'em what I should do with the 
baby. But ther was no gettin any sense out of 'em, 
and none of 'em wouldn't touch it no more'n if it had 
been so much pisen. 

" That won't do," ses one feller. — " You can't cum 
that game over this crowd." 

" No, indeed," ses another little runty-lookin feller — 
" we've got enuff to do to take care of our own babys 
in these diggins." 

" Take your baby home to its ma," ses another, " and 
support it like a onest man." 

I tried to git a chance to explain the bisness to 'em, 
but drat the word could I git in edgeways. 

" Take 'em both to the Tooms," ses one, " and make 
'em giv a account of themselves." 

With that two or three of 'em cum towards me, and 
I grabbed my cane in one hand, while I held on to the 
bundle with the other. 

" Gentlemen," ses I — the baby squeelin all the timi 
like forty cats in a bag — '' Gentlemen, I'm not gwin** 
to be used in no sich way — I'll let you know that Vrr 
not gwine to be tuck to no Tooms. I'm a stranger in 
your city, and I'm not gwine to support none of youi 
babys. My name is Joseph Jones, of Pinevillej 
Georgia, and anybody what want's to know who I am, 
can find me at the American " 

" Majer Jones! Majer Jones, of Pineville!" ses a 
dozen of 'em at the same time. 

" Majer Jones," ses a clever-lookin young man, what 
pushed his way into the crowd when he heard my name. 
*' Majer, don't be disturbed in the least," ses he, '' I'll 
soon have this matter fixed." 

With that he spoke to a man w^ith a lether ribbon on 
bis hat, who tmk the baby, bundle and all, and carried 



130 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

it off to the place what they've got made in New York 
a purpose to keep sich pore Uttle orfans in. 

By this time my frend, Mr. Jacob Littlehigh, who is 
a Georgian, hvin in New York, had interduced himself 
to me and 'bout twenty other gentlemen, and I begun 
to find myself 'bout as much of a object of attraction 
after the baby was gone, as I was before. I never seed 
one of 'em before in my life, but they all sed they had 
red my book, and they didn't know nobody else. So 
much for bein a author. 

They was all monstrous glad to see me, and wanted 
to know how Mary and the baby was at home ; and 
'fore they let me off", they made me go down to Bardotte 
& Shelly's Caffe Tortoni, and eat one of the biggest kind 
of oyster suppers, and drink sum sherry coblers what 
would develop the intellect of a barber's block, and ex- 
pand the heart of a Florida live-oak. They was the 
cleverest set of fellers I ever seed out of Georgia, and 
after spendin a pleasant hour with 'em, laughin over the 
incidents of the evenin, they showed me home to my 
hotel, whar I soon went to bed to dream of bundles full 
of babys and oceans of sherry coblers. 

You must excuse this long letter, under the circum- 
stances. No more from 

Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 

P. S.— Don't for the world let Mary know anything 
about the baby, for she'd want to know what upon 
yeath I was runnin about the street at night for, holdin 
bundles for pore wimmin, and I never could explain it 
to her satisfaction. Ther's one thing monstrous certain 
— I'll go a hundred yards round the next woman I meet 
an the street with a bundle in her arms. 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 131 



LETTER XIV. 

New York, June 15, 1845. 

To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — To tell you the plain 
.ruth, Mr. Thompson, Fm a altered man sense I cum 
to New York, at least so far as appearance goes, though 
I blieve my hart is in the same place it used to be. It 
was sum time before I could giv in to my frend. Little- 
high's argyments, but as I'm always willin to accommo- 
date myself to the wishes of m)' trends, when it can be 
done without sacrificin my principles, I consented to 
have sum new clothes made in the latest fashion. Ac- 
cordinly the other day he tuck me down to Mr. Lowns- 
berry, in Pine street, and gave the directions to have a 
fust rate broadcloth suit made for me, jest like his own. 
Well, in two days afterwards, here cums a bran new 
suit to my hotel — coat, vest, and trousers. The boot- 
maker in Fulton street had sent me a pair of new 
French boots, as he called 'em, and I got a hat from 
Leary, the great Broadway hat man. I shucked out 
of my old clothes and got into my new ones, and sich 
a alteration I don't reckon you ever seed afore. It's a 
positive fact, I don't blieve Wise or Smart, my coon- 
dogs to home, would be able to know me without 
smellin at me for a while. I don't hardly know my- 
self; and if it hadn't been for my voice which sounded 
as familiar as a dinner-horn, I would a-had my dowts. 
Mary -wouldn't seed the least resemblance to her hus- 
band in me, and I blieve if I had made my appearance 
in Pineville, my neighbors would been for puttin me in 
jail for a impostor. 

My cote ain't so very outlandish, but my trouses and 



132 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

jacket is the oddest lookin things in the world. The 
trouses is " all buttoned down before," like daddy 
Grimes's old blue cote, and makes me so shamed 
when I look at 'em that I don't know what to do with 
myself; and my jacket cums almost down to my knees, 
and is cut out swaller-tailed in frunt, like General 
Washington's regimental jacket, what I seed in Wash- 
ington city. They're all made fust rate though, and fit 
like they had growd on me. They begin to feel a little 
better now than when I fust put 'em on, but it will be 
sum time before I git used to 'em, and before I can pass 
anybody in the street without feelin like I wanted to 
turn round to hide my trouses. 

You know I told you I had no very grate opinion 
of operys. Well, that's a fact ; but the other evenin 
when I cum to dinner at my hotel, the clerk handed 
me a note from Mr. Littlehigh, statin that himself and 
two or three of his frends would be very glad of Major 
Jones' company in a private box at the Olympic that 
evenin, to see the opery of " The Daughter of the 
Regiment." It wouldn't be perlite to refuse sich a 
invitation, and I staid home to meet Mr. Littlehigh, 
accordin to his appintment. 

" Well, 'bout six o'clock Mr. Littlehigh called for 
me, and we went to the Olympic. The house was 
packed like a barrel of pork, whar ther ain't room 
enufT left to git another foot or jowl, nor so much as a 
ear into the barrel, all except my frend's private box, 
what was pretty close to the stage, and what had 
nobody in it but three or four gentlemen who belonged 
to our party. The curtain ris with a everlastin singin 
and fiddlin, like it did in Filladelfy. Bimeby the 
daughter of the regiment cum out, and then I thought 
they would tear the theatre down with ther everlastin 
rumpus. 

" That's our JMary, Majer," ses Mr. Littlehigh, " and 
now if you want to hear a bird of Paradise, jest buckle 
back yer ears.'* 



MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS. 133 



She was a monstroiis fine-lookin gall, and the way 
she could sing was perfectly 'mazin ; and then she 
handled a musket and marched about the stage like a 
regular sargeant of infantry. How the mischief she 
ever cum by so many fathers, I couldn't well make out, 
for the singin, which, as 1 told you before, spiles evry 
thing in a opery. But it was very plain to be seen 
that if the regiment was her daddys, evry feller in the 
house was in love with her ; and I couldn't help but 
think that the feller with the ribbons on his hat, what 
kep follerin her about and singin to her how he loved 
her, loud enuff to be heard all over the house, stood a 
monstrous pore chance among so many. Whenever 
she cum on the stage, the peeple all over the house 
would rap and clap and holler like they was half out 
of ther senses ; and whenever she sung a song by her- 
self, they was certain to make her sing it over agin. 

I liked the Daughter of the Regiment myself rather 
better than I did the Bohemian Gall, but I'd like 'em 
both a good deal better if ther wasn't so much singin 

in 'em. . ^ * 

********* 

After the opery was over we went down to the Bat- 
tery, and after walkin about in the moonlit walks til we 
got tiled, we sot down on the benches and smoked oui 
segars, while the waves splashed and roared agin the 
rocks, and the wind played with the tops of the trees 
behind us. After talkin over matters and things awhile, 
we started for home. 

As we was gwine along up Broadway we saw a 
smoke comin out of a roof of a house down m one of 
the cross streets, and turned down to see what it was. 
When we got opposite to it, we saw a redish sort of a 
light in the winders on the roof, and the smoke pourin 
out of evry crack. Mr. Littlehigh run across and 
rapped at the dore, and in a minit a old man stuck hif 
hed out of the lower winder. 

" Your house is a fire," ses Mr. Littlehigh. 



134 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

The old man grunted out sumthing, but didn't take 
in his old red night-cap or make any movement like he 
cared whether his house was atire or Jiot. 

" Fire," ses my frend, loud as he could holler, 
pintin up to the top of the house. 

The old man grunted out sumthing in Dutch, and 
stood as still as a post, starin at us on the other side of 
the street. Then Mr. Muggins run across and went 
close up to ihe old codger, and hollered to him — 

" I say, old hoss, your house is on fire — up in the 
garret." 

It was 'bout twelve o'clock, and the street was still 
as a grave-yard. ?>Ir. Muggins made a good deal of 
noise, and the old man pulled in his hed and cum back 
in a minit with a old shot-gun in his hand, and begun 
to cus in Dutch as hard as he could. Mr. Muggins 
backed out a little ways, and begun lookin for a brick- 
bat. Mr. Littlehigh seein that the light was gittin 
brighter in the winder, stept on the steps and tried the 
dore. By this time two or three more of the winders 
was raised, and two or three more red night-caps was 
stickin out, lookin at us without sayin a word, except 
the old feller below, who was tlourishin his shot-gun 
and makin a terrible racket. 

Just Oien sum winders was raised on tother side of 
the street. 

" That house is on fire," ses Mr. Muggins. 

" Wake 'em up next dore," ses sumbody from tother 
side. ^' They can't understand English in that house." 

With that we rapped at the next dore, and told the 
man that cum out what was the matter. The feller 
sprung into the street and looked up for a second, and 
then run to the old chap that was cussin with the gun 
In his hand, and sed sumthing to him. Down drapped 
;he gun, and out of the winder cum the old Dutchman, 
with nothing on but his shirt and night-cap. As soon 
ns he seed the smoke and light, he sot up a yell that 
waked the whole neighborhood, and in half a mi nil 



MAJOR JOXES'S TRAVELS. 135 

they was cumin out of evry winder in the house I'ke 
eat-squirrels from a corn- crib — climbin down the water- 
spout, and jumpin out of the winders, men, wimmin, 
and children — all of 'em half naked and hollerin and 
yellin like five thousand wild-cats. 

By this time the alarm was spread — the peeple cum 
pourin out of the houses in evry direction, and sich a 
scene I never seed before in all my life. All we could 
hear in English was " fire ! fire !" and in a few minits 
here cum the firemen with their ingines, rattlin over 
the stones, and shoutin and yellin like half the city was 
in flames. The dores and winders was open, and old 
trunks and furniture and beds was flyin in evry direction. 

And after all what do you think it was? Why 
nothing but a smoke raised by the family what lived in 
the garret, to drive out the musketers. Ther w^as sum 
ten or a dozen families livin in the house, and all of 
'em was frightened almost to deth, and turned out of 
ther beds into the street, jest because the family in the 
roof had gone to sleep leavin a pile of old rags afire to 
drive oflf the musketers. 

The firemen went home cussin the Dutchmen, but 
we staid awhile with the crowed what was growin bigge.' 
and bigger, to see the fun — and I would gin almost 
any thing if I could jest understood Dutch, so I might 
know what the pore peeple was sayin to one another 
when they was gettherin up and disputin about ther 
plunder. The old chap what had the gun was cum- 
pletely out of his senses. He didn't git the idee that 
his house was afire for sum time, but when he did git 
it into his hed, ther was no sich thing as persuadin him 
out of it. He never tuck time to put on his clothes, 
but jest grabbed hold of his daughter, a butiful gall, and 
hollered fire ! fire ! as loud as he could. The pore gall 
tried her best to pacify him, but the more she cried and 
talked to him, the more he tuck on. 

Our party got scattered in the crowd, and when we 
was satisfied that tranquillity was restored in Holland. 



136 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

Ml. Littlehigh and myself went home, leavin the old 
Dutchman hollerin fire, and his wife and daughter trym 
to git him in the house. 

It's beginnin to get pretty warm here now, and ther's 
a good many Southerners here, and among 'em is sum 
of my Georgia frends. Tother day, as I was gwine 
along Broadway, who should I meet but Col. BilJ 
Skimer, of Pineville. You know Col. Bill's one of 
the cleverest fellers in the world ; and as he was 'boul 
the first old acquaintance I had seed for sum time, ] 
was monstrous glad to meet him. We stopped on the 
corner of Park place and Broadway, and shuck hands, 
and was chattin 'bout home, w^hen the fust thing we 
know'd ther was a crowd of 'bout five hundred peeple 
gethered round us. 

" Look here, Majer," ses he, " I can't stand this. ] 
don't think ther's any danger of ther swallerin me alive, 
but I don't like to be gaped at like I was a wild animal." 
So off he started for his hotel, makin a wake among 
the crowd like a seventy-four in a mill-pond. The fact 
is. Col. Bill is considered a full-growm Georgian at 
home, but among us he don't look more'n half so big 
as he does here, whar the average size of the men is 
much less than it is in our genial soil, whar men's 
bodys ?^ well as ther harts git to be as large as thei 
Maker ^xer intended 'em to be. The Colonel ain't so 
.sensitive as sum peeple about sich things, and takes a 
good joke as well as the next man ; but when he found 
they had been puttin him in the Herald, callin him the 
Georgia giant, and makin him out a heap bigger than 
he is, he didn't like it a bit. 

My old frend, John Hooper, is here, too, from Sa- 
vannah, and I don't know how many of the Pelegs 
from Augusta. Col. Shoestring, from the wiregrass 
settlement, is shinin here in his own -peculiar way. 
The Colonel is one of the oddest specimens of human 
natur I ever seed in my life, and takes jest as much 
pnde in a ragged cote, a dirty shirt- collar, and a long 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 137 

oeard, as the greatest dandy does in his finery. His 
notions of notoriety, however, doesn't suit this me- 
ridean at all. In a small town whar it would be pos< 
sible for him to be known by most of the inhabitants, 
perhaps he mought becum distinguished in his line ; 
but here, whar ther is abundance of all kinds of loafers, 
and whar a person who is a man at home is nothing 
but a individual^ it is no use to try to git notoriety for 
sich peculiarities as he indulges in. The Colonel cusses 
the omminy6?^5es, and turns up his nose at the dandies 
and free niggers from mornin til night, and drinks sassy- 
parilly sody water, and smokes the worst segars he can 
find. He uses about the Bow^ery, and goes to Chatham 
street theatre. He can't bear Niblo's or the Park, and 
ses that Broadway is worse than a menagery of wild 
varmints. 

I haven't sed any thing to you about the New York 
ladies, and, as I told you my opinion about the Balti- 
more galls, I ought to say sumthing of the ladys of this 
city. Well, so far as dressin is concerned, they beat 
Bahimore and Filladelfy all holler. But in pint of buty 
they ain't to compare to the wimmin of the other cities. 
The fact is, I find the further North I go the more fine 
clothes and the less handsum faces I see. It would 
take enuff money to buy a plantation to dress one of 
these Broadway bells as they call 'em, and after all a 
man of taste couldn't see much in 'em to fall in love 
with. They're generally taller than our Southern galls, 
and with the help of the milliners they is pretty good 
forms, when they is walkin along before you. But, Mr. 
Thompson, all ain't flesh and blood that walks, any 
more'n all ain't gold that shines in Peter Funk's 
winder; and when you cum to ketch up with 'em an 1 
see ther faces, whatever notions of buty you mought 
had before is soon gone. And even if you do now and 
then cum across a handsum face ther's sumthing wrong 
about 'em, that I can't exactly understand. Sumhow 
ther ain't enuff difference between the expression of the 



138 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

countenances of the wimmin and the men. The pretti- 
est blue eyes you meet has a kind of a hard, cast-stee 
expression, so different from the soft, meUin looks Ox 
our modest, blue-eyed Georgia galls. Sumtimes you 
may see a pair of dark, bright eyes, but ther ain't no 
depth in 'em. Ther's the same difference between the 
eyes of the Noithern wimmin and the eyes of our galls 
at home, that ther is between a lookin-glass and a deep 
pool of pure, crystal water. You can look into 'em both, 
and both reflects your own face : but the glass is all cold, 
shallow surface, while you see down deep into the foun- 
tain and understand the source from whar its pure wa- 
ters flow. The Northern ladys' eyes seems like they was 
only made to look with, while our Southern galls, you 
know, can speak so eloquently with their's. No doubt 
livin in sich a grate city, whar they is all the time ex- 
posed to the gaze of strangers, has sum effect on the 
ladys to make 'em less bashful and shrinkin than our 
Southern galls is, and perhaps ther is other causes of 
education and habits to make 'em less feminine in the 
style of ther buty. But certain it is ther is the greatest 
difference in the w^orld between them and the wimmin 
of the South, and in my opinion the advantage is all on 
the side of our Southern galls. 

Mr. Hooper and me is gwine to take a trip to Yankee- 
doodledum in a few days, to see Boston and Lowell 
I want to see the great Yankee city, and the factory 
galls what I've heard so much about. I will tell you 
all about the trip in m} next. So no more from 
Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 



MAJOR JOSES'S TRAVELS. 139 



LETTER XV. 

New York, June 25, 845. 
To Mr. Thompson -.-Dear Sir-U my last Utter I 
told you I was gwine to Yankeedoodledum. Well, 
rve been to Bolton and Lowell, and seed the hve 
Ylw^ees, Bunkerhill monument and the factry galls and 
a heap of other natural curiosities that more'n paid me 

^° HoopS who you know is a Odd Feller as well as a very 
clever one, ^vanted to go to the great celebration wha 
tn t^ke tilace in a few days m Boston, and as 1 
Ifnted to see that part of the world before I wentlwme, 
Te greed to go ogether, and last Monday evemn we 
ucklass ge fn the steamboat Narryganset for Boston 
We hadn't%een gone long from the wharves when the 
fustthb" I know'd the ingine was stopped, the boat 
comm need slewin round, and the Peeple ™nmn m evry 
,?'"". Rimphv the ino-ine g ve another lick or two 

''"■fthenstopped a. n Think! I ther's something out 
Tf lint iZkfn lUe biler wasgwine to host or the bote 
was broke, I ax'd a old gentleman what was the mat- 

ter '" 

'■' We is rite at Hell-gate," ses he. 

"The devil we is!-^as close as that!"sed a man 

^'SrgShmks'i: aTdtfooked out, and shore enuff 
..f :Kas whirlin -"^ -d -"d^^ .rd ruinnn^up 

= iTe^/botfaJnlmethinrand evry wo- 
nrsjled, and the men stood on ther tip- oes. Ihmk 
I if we is to go to the bottom, I'd a S""' leal rathe 
kke Itwim in some other place. Everybody said don t 



140 MAJOR Jones's tPwAvels. 

be alarmed- -and one man sed it didn't make much dif 
ference to him, for he started to go to Boston, any 
how. Bimeby the bell rung, the old ingine sot up a 
errible puffin and snortin, and in a few minits we was 
,eavin the gate of the infernal regions far behind us. 
We passed Frog's Neck — whar they're bildin a young 
Giberalter to keep the British from coming down to New 
York when Mr. Polk drives 'em out of Oregon — before 
sundown, and by dark we was in what they call the 
Sound. After smokin a segar we went to our berths, 
whar we was soon sound asleep. 

It was 'bout daylight next mornin when we got to 
Stunnington, in Conneticut, whar they say the peeple 
live on fish so much that they smell like whale oil and 
have scales on their backs. This may be a bug what 
they put on me, but one thing I do know — and that is 
that they is great whalers, for they whaled the British 
out of ther harbor in the last war, a monstrous sight 
quicker than they cum in. It was a bominable dark 
foggy mornin, and I couldn't see much of Stunnington, 
but what I did see made me think it wasn't badly named 
— for it is rocks from one eend to tother, and it was long 
after we was out of sight of the town fore we could see 
any thing but rock-fences and rock-chimneys, and whole 
corn-fields of rocks from the size of a goose-egg up to 
that of a gin-house. We got a mere squint at Provi- 
dence, in Rodeisland, when we was crossin the river 
in the steambote, and in about a ower more we was in 
sight of Boston, which looked at a distance like it 
was bilt on stilts in the middle of a everlastin big frog- 
pond. 

When we got to the depo, the white hackmen cum 
rearin and pitchin at us like evry one of 'em had a capias 
ad satisfaction, as the lawyers say, for us, and to keep 
from gittm tramped into the yeath by 'em, we jumped 
into the fust hack what had the dore open, and told the 
man to drive us to the Purl street Hotel. Well, bein as 
t wasn't near dinner-time, we tuck a walk round to see 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 141 

the city, bit we soon found out that wouldn't do. If a 
man could walk like Mr. Robert Acres wanted to fite 
his duel, edgeways, he mought possibly manage to git 
through a square or two of Boston 'thout gittin nocked 
off the side-walk more'n a dozen times. But for a man 
of my size to git along in sich little crooked alleys as 
them Boston streets is, is out of the question. Col. 
Bill Skimer would be like Mr. Gulliver was in the city 
of the Lillypushins — the corporation would be bound 
to accommodate him in the common to keep him from 
blockin up the streets intirely. Why, they aint much 
wider than the space between the rows of a pea-patch, 
and then they are so twistified that it's as much as a 
common sized body can do to keep both feet in the 
same street at the same time. And then what makes it 
worse, is the way the Boston peeple walks. They all 
go dashin along like they was gwine to die, and hadn't 
but a few hours left to settle ther bisness. As for givin 
the walk to a lady, or half of it to a gentleman, they 
don't think of no sich a thing, and if you don't want to 
have your breth nocked out of you evry few steps, you 
mought as well take the middle of the street at once, 
whar, if you don't keep a monstrous sharp lookout, you 
is certain to be run over by ther everlastin grate, long, 
sheep-shear lookin carts. Hooper and me tried to keep 
together on the side-walk. But it wasn't no use. After 
bumpin along for 'bout half a square, I found myself in 
the street and my frend halfway into a store dore, whar 
he was nocked by a feller what was stavin ahead with a 
armfuU of wooden clocks. 

We made our way the best way we could in the direc- 
tion of the Monument, what stands over in Charlestown. 
The Native Americans had a celebration on the hill, and 
one of ther orators was makin a speech to a heap of 
peeple what was crowdin all round the stand, jest like 
our peeple in Georgia at a Fourth of July Barbycue. 
As none of ther speeches couldn't make us no better 
Americans than we is, we left the orator and iiis flights 



142 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

of eloquence for the flight of steps what tuck as, aftei 
puffin and blowin enuiT to work a two-hos-power steam 
ingine, up to the top of the great Yankee Monument, 
what has been raised on this Sinai of American Free- 
dom. If ther is a man in the nation what don't like the 
Union and don't feel willin to shed his blood to preserve 
., he ought to make a pilgrimage to this consecrated 
pot. If, standin on this majestic pile and looking down 
pa the ground that received the fust red baptism oi 
Liberty, while he breathes the air that received the 
expirin breth of so many martyred heroes, and looks 
upon the sky that witnessed ther heroic valor, he does 
not feel his bosom glow with patriotic emotion, and 
imbibe a love of country above all sectional prejudices 
or interests, then he may be sure he was born on the rong 
side of the Atlantic. 

From the top of the monument, which is about three 
hundred feet high, we could see half over Massachusetts. 
Among other things that w^as pinted out to us in the 
guide book, was another monument, of which the Bos- 
ton peeple needn't be so very proud. The ruins of the 
Ursuline Convent is still standin in sight, to reproach the 
intolerant spirit of a peeple who have violated the laws 
and disregarded the principles which ther fathers died 
to establish in this country. 

After cumin down from the monument, we tuck a 
walk through the navy-yard and the rope-walk, whar 
they was makin rope's long enuff and strong enufT to 
pull the Stone Mountain, in De Kalb county, up by 
the root, and then went back to our hotel. 

On the way back, I tuck the opportunity, when we 
was ridin in the hack, and nobody couldn't run over us, 
to notice the stores and houses. Exceptin the narrow, 
crooked streets, Boston looks a good deal like the other 
Northern cities, though to my taste it aint to compare 
in no respect to either Baltimore, Filladelfy or New 
York. In sum parts of the city the streets is wide enuff 
and very clean, and the houses is very fine, but th«*)r'«» a 



MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS. 143 

aristocratic air about it, a sort of starchy Suncl^-go-to- 
meetin kind of a look about this part of the city, that I 
don't Uke a bit better than I do the pinched up, narrow 
2ontrived appearance of the rest. 

I noticed one thing about the signs in Boston, wnich 
accounts for the curious way they pronounce ther words, 
rher letters is all littler in the middle than they is ac the 
eends— as for instance, a letter /looks like a lady that 
was dyin of tite lacin. Now, you know the Yankees 
ses kyew for cow, and gives a sort of loud-at-both-eends- 
and-low-in-the-middle sound to all ther words. V\ ell, 
it's my opinion that it is the shape of the letters on ther 
signs that makes 'em do it, or maybe the letters is made 
by the painters to suit the pronunciation oi the peeple. 
In Filladelfy the most of the signs is painted in grate 
biff block letters, and in New York, in all sorts and 
kinds. Well, the Filladelfy peeple talk very square 
and plain, and in New York ther aint no peculiarity 
about their pronunciation— no body can't tell a New 
Yorker by his accent. So y«u see what the influence 
of association is. • u + 

After dinner we was gwine to smoke our cigars, but 
jest as I was biten off the eend of mine, I happened to 
look up and see a notice what sed, " No smokin 'lowed 

here." , . i .1 • 

" Well," ses Hooper, " I spose they consider this 
room aft the machinery— less go forard." 

We went into another room, but the fust thing we 
seed thar was, in grate big letters, " No smokm 'lowed 
here." With that we went to the door, thinkm we 
mought smoke on the steps, but thar was the everlastm 
" No smokin 'lowed here," stickin up on both sides 

of the door. r 1 u r 1 

I looked at Hooper and laughed, but he didn t teel 

like laughin. ' ,, 

" Wliat kind of a place is this ; I'd like to know, 
ses he. " I wonder if they allow peeple to sneeze when 
they take cold .^" 
9 



144 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

I proposed to git sum matches and go to the common. 

" Agreed," ses Hooper ; " any whar whar we can 
breathe 'thout violatin the rules." 

I ax'd the man in the office, what had been lookin at 
my cigar all the time, like it was a rattle-snake, for a 
oiatch. 

" I guess you'll find sum in the smokin-room," ses 
he. 

" Smokin-room," ses I, ^' whar's that?" 

" This way, sir," ses he, and he opened a door of a 
little dirty room that smelled strong enuff of tobacker 
smoke to nock a man down. Thar was no body in it 
but a old codger, in a snuff-colored coat, what was 
smokin one of the worst kind of American segars, and 
readin " all sorts of paragraphs" in the Boston post. 
The floor was covered with ashes and old stumps of 
segars, the walls looked like the inside of a Georgia 
smoke-house, and the air was strong enuff of smoke 
to turn a man into well cured bacon in 'bout fifteen 
minits. 

" Majer," ses Hooper, " I can't stand this place — 
I've had jest as much of Boston as I want. Less go to 
Lowell this afternoon. Maybe we can smoke a cigar 
thar, and if you want to see any more of Boston, we can 
stop when we cum back." 

I was jest about as sick of the city of everlastin anty's 
as he was, and in less than no time we was on the rail- 
road to Lowell. 

This is one of the finest roads in the world, leadin 
through a country that seems like one continual village. 
The land is poor and covered with rocks, but it's studded 
all over with butiful country-residences, with churches 
and mills and factories of one kind and another, til you 
git to Lowell, which is the handsumest small town I waj- 
ever in. We tuck rooms at the Merrymack House, one 
of the best hotels, and, before tea, tuck a walk over the 
place. It was a pleasant afternoon, and as we w^alked 
along on the bank of the canal what carries the water 



MAJOK JOXES'S TRAVELS. 145 

from the river to the factories, we couldn't help but 
notice the clean and healthy appearance of the town. 
The clear cool water went sweepin along, deep and 
strong, in its rock-banks, over which the green grass 
and flowers hung to dip themselves in the stream, while 
a roarin sound, that cum from the direction of the great 
clocks of five-story factories, reminded us that it was 
no idle stream, runnin to waste its usefulness on the 
desert shore, but that it gave its powder to aid the in- 
dustry of man, and to contribute to the wealth of the 
nation. 

We tuck a stroll on the banks of the Merrymack, be- 
low the town. From different pints we got a fine view 
of the place, and found plenty to interest us til tea-time. 
We was passin up Merrymack street to our hotel when 
the bells rung, and the fust thing we know'd the whole 
town was full of galls. They cum swarm in out of the 
factories like bees out of a hive, and spreadin in every 
direction, filled the streets so that nothin else was to be 
seen but platoons of sun-bonnets, with long capes hangin 
down over the shoulders of the factory galls. Thou- 
sands upon thousands of 'em was passin along the streets, 
all lookin as happy, and cheerful, and neat, and clean, 
and butiful, as if they was boardin-school misses jest 
from ther books. It was indeed a interestin sight, and 
a gratifyin one to a person who has always thought 
that the opparatives as they call 'em in the Northern 
factories, was the most miserable kind of peeple in the 
world. 

It was a butiful moonlight night, and after tea we 
walked out into the street agin. The stores was all lit 
up and the galls was walkin about in pairs, and half 
dozens, and dozens, shoppin from store to store, and 
laughin and talkin about ther purchases, as if it didn't 
hurt 'em to spend ther earnins no more'n other peeple. 
Under ther curious lookin cracker-bonnets thar was sum 
lovely faces and eyes, that looked better by moonlight 
than any I have seed sense 1 left Georgia ; and poor 



146 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

Hooper, who you Know is a bachellor, bein exposed to 
sich a constant display of silf-like forms, rosy cheeks, 
bright eyes, and silver-toned voices, begun to feel mon- 
trous weak about the heart long before the ower cum 
for the galls to retire to ther boardin houses ; and I was 
monstrous fraid he would need settin up with the balance 
of the night, his simptoms was so alarmin. By ten 
o'clock not a cracker-bonnet was to be seen in the 
streets, though the moonlight was as bright as da,y, and 
the stars twinkled and danced in the Heavens above, 
and a cool breeze played through the branches of the 
trees and rippled the surface of the canal, while the 
waters, escapin from ther confinement in many a mill- 
race, sent up a dreamy murmur, that blended harmo- 
niously with the scene, and made it one of the loveliest 
evenins imaginable. It was a scene and a ower to in- 
spire love — when the world is turned into a Paradice 
and wimmin into angels — and I couldn't help but feel 
sorry for the six thousand little nimphs of the spindles, 
who had no lovers thar to court 'em on sich a night. 

It was late before we went to bed. As I'm to the 
eend of my sheet, I'll stop here, and tell you about my 
adventures in Lowell, the factories and the factory galls, 
in my next. So no more at present from 

Your frend til deth, 

Jos. JoiVES. 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 147 



LETTER XVI. 

New York, Jjne 2G, 1845. 
To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — I could slep souiid 
as a rock in a shuck-pen, after bavin been nockin 
about all day, and bavin my mind constantly on tbe 
stretcb to take in tbe wonders I seed in Yankeedoodle- 
dum. But in sicb a airy room, and sicb a soft, cool, 
clean Ised as tbey gin me at tbe Merrymack House, I 
could bave gone to sleep witb tbe tootb-acbe, and never 
waked up til Cbristmas, if it badn't been for Hooper, 
wbo was termined to see tbe galls gwine to work in tbe 
mornin. 

I was dreamin about bein in Mabomet's Heaven 
among tbe Houries. Tber was more'n ten' thousand 
of 'em, all as butiful as Haydees and Venuses, witb 
cracker-bonnets on, dancin and caperin about under tbe 
shadowy arches of tbe trees, from which bung long 
festoons of bright flowers, while fountains of crystal 
water w^as gusbin up in evry direction, and music 
floated in tbe air that was perfumed witb the breth of 
roses. Bimeby one of 'em, witb butiful eyes and long 
golden ringlets, what bung down below the cape of her 
bonnet, cum dancin ap to me with a hank of cotton 
yarn in her band — 

«^Cum witb me — will you cum witb me, my dear?" 
ses she, smilin so sweet and wavin her hand at me. 

" No, I thank you," ses I, blusbin to think she would 
ax me sicb a question. 

" Say not so, dear," ses she, cumin closer to me. 
" Say not so, dear — you must be mine ;" and with that 
she begun to undo her bank of cotton. 

I soon seed what she was up to, and so I started to 
quit tbe place, but the fust thing 1 knowd she had the 



148 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

yarn round my neck, and the next minit 'bout five 
hunared of 'em was pullin at me, all singin " Cum 
with me, my dear," like a pasel of sailors a payin 
away on a hosser. I pulled and hollered as hard as I 
could — I told 'em I was a married man — but they never 
let on they heard me, and jest pulled the harder, each 
one say in I 'longed to her. 

" Let me go !" ses I, grabbin hold of a tree to hold 
on by, and kickin at 'em with both feet at a time ; *Met 
me loose, you everlastin witches, you. I's got a wife 
and child to home and can't marry none of you — I 
tell you I's a married man !" 

Jest then the hank of cotton broke, and away I went, 
and the galls set up one of the loudest squalls I ever 
heard. 

"What upon yeath's the matter with you, Majer?" 
ses Hooper, who was laffin like he had the high- 
stericks. " Why I never seed a body cut sich anticks 
before in all my life. I jest tuck hold of you and 
shuck you a little to wake you up, so we mought take 
a walk before breckfust, and you begun to kick and 
rare like a wild zebra, cussin and swearin about being 
a married man, like that had any thing to do with gettin 
up early in the mornin. 

"And was it you that had a hold of my neck," ses 
I, beginnin to see how it was. 

" I jest shuck you a little," ses he. 

"Well, if I didn't think " ses I. 

" What was you dreamin, Majer?" ses he. 

But I know'd it wouldn't do to tell Hooper w^hat I 
was dreamin, if I ever wanted to hear the eend of it. 
So I jest got up and put on my clothes as quick as 
possible, and w^ent with Hooper to see the galls gwine 
to work. 

The sun was jest up when we went down on to the 
corporashuns, as they call 'em here, whar the mills is. 
It was a most lovely mornin. The factorys was all 
still. The yaris in frunt of the bildins was clean, and 




CILBFRTScCIHOK 



" I soon seed what she was np to, and so I started to go ; but the fust thing 
I know'd she had the yarn round my neck, and the next minit 'bout five hun- 
dred of 'em was puUin' at me, all singin' ' Cum with me, my dear.' ''—Letter 
xxi.j?. 148. 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 149 

the little flower-gardens by the dores was glitterin w^th 
due as the fust bees of the mornin cum to suck the 
honey from the blossums. Ther wasn't many peeple 
to be seed in the streets. Now and then we could see 
sum men gwine to the countin-rooms and offices or to 
the factorvs, but the cracker-bonnets was m eclipse. 
The ealls was at breckfust at ther boardm-houses, 
which are neat two, and sumtimes three-story brick 
houses, what stand in blocks near the factorys, and is 
owned by the proprietors of the mills. 

Bimeby the bells rung. In a minit more the streets 
leadin to the mills was swarmin with galls. Here they 
cum in evry direction, laughin and talkin to one another 
in groops and by pairs, or singly, all lookin as merry 
and happy as if they was gwine to a frolhc, msied of to 

WhnLin look well by moolight, and so they do by 
early sunlight. The refreshin influence of sleep gives 
a brightness and animation to the featurs of a healthy 
youni gall, who has been fatigued by the labors of the 
dav and the mornin ablooshuns, as Mr. Willis calls 
washin one's face, like the due on the roses, gives 
freshness to ther cheeks and brilliancy to ther eyes. 
You may depend thar was sum bright mornin faces in 
that crowd. I thought of my dream, and I 'termined 
to take warnin by it. I felt if I was a bachellor it 
wouldn't be safe to go within the length of a skein ot 
cotton yarn of sum of 'em, and it wouldn t take a very 
strong or a very hard twisted thread to hold me in the 

They poured into the mills by thousands, like bees 
into a hive, and in a few minits more the noise of the 
machinery begun to git louder f ^ .1?^^?^' ^"\^ "'fij 
factory sent out a buzzing sound, with which all other 
sounds soon becum mixed up, until it seemed we was 
into a city whar men, wimmin and children, water, hre, 
and light, was all at work, and whar the very ai 
breathed the song of industry. 



150 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

After breckfust we went to one of the mills, whaf 
we got a little boy to show us the way. The little 
feller tuck us from one room to another all over the 
mill, and sich other contraptions I never seed before. 
The machinery made sich a noise that we couldn't hear 
ourselves think, let alone sayin any thing to one another, 
and then we was so cumpletely dumfounded by what 
we seed, that we couldn't found a word to say even 
if we could heard one another talk. Thar was the 
galls tendin the looms and the spindles, mixed all up 
among the cranks and wheels, and drum-beds and 
crossbands, and iron fixins, that was all agwine like 
lightnin, and ther little white hands flyin about like 
they was a part of the machinery. Bissy as they was, 
though, they found time now and then to steal a sly 
glance at us, and then I could see a mischievous smile 
playin round sum of ther pretty mouths, as much as to 
say, what green fellers we was that never seed a 
cotton-mill before. I tried to git the hang of sum of 
the machinery, but it wasn't no use. Evrything I 
seed, from the ceilin to the floor, was whirlin, and 
whizzin, and rattlin, and dashin, as if it would tear 
evry thing to pieces ; but what they was doin or 
what sot 'em agwine, was more'n I could make out. 
Buzz-z-z-z, went the spindles and the spools ; clank- 
clank, went the looms, and the white cloth was rollin 
off in big bolts, but how it was done, was what I 
couldn't see into. 

After gwine through three or four of the mills, 
which was all pretty much alike, we went into one 
whar they print calicos. This part of the bisness ain't 
the nicest work in the world, though it's very interestin. 
We went into the dryin-room as they call it, but we 
didn't stay thar but a very short time. If the other 
country is much hotter than this dryin-room, it is not 
much misrepresented in the accounts we have of it. 
When I stepped in I felt the hot air, as I breathed it 



MAJOR JONES S TRAVELS. 151 

mto my lungs, like boilin water, and my hair crisped 
up like I was in a bake-oven. Hooper, who, you 
know, takes a good deal of pains with his whiskers, 
dassent risk 'em in the dryin-room more'n a minit ; 
and when we got out I felt jest like Pd cum out of a 
steam-bath. 

The next place we went to was the whip manu- 
factory, whar we seed a cover braided onto a whip- 
stalk, by machinery, in about two minits. From thar 
we went to another place, whar they made cotton and 
woollen cards. That machine banged any thing I ever 
seed in all my life. I've always thought that a ma- 
chine that could make any thing as well as it could be 
made with hands was pretty considerable of a machine. 
But to see a little iron contraption take a piece of 
lether and a coil of wire, and cut off the wire and 
bend it double, punch the holes in the lether, put the 
wire in the holes, push 'em in and bend 'em, and 
fasten 'em thar quicker and better than five men could 
do it, went a little ahed of any thing I ever heard or 
dreamed of. The man that invented that machine 
could invent one to eat shad without swallerin the 
bones, or one that could pick a man's pocket when 
he was wide awake, without gettin found out. The 
only wonder is, that he didn't invent sum way to 
fool Old Deth himself, and live for ever. But- the 
poor man is ded, and, like all men of genius, died 
very poor. 

The next place we went into was a machine car- 
penter's shop, whar the rough boards cum into one 
dore in a cart and went out at the other in panel-dores, 
winder-sashes, pine boxes, &c. Saws and plainers 
and chissels and awgers was sawin, plainin, chisselin 
and borin in evry direction by machinery, with men t 
tend 'em ; and for one that wasn't acquainted with the 
bearins of the place, it was necessary to keep a prett) 
sharp look-out to prevent havin a shavin tuck off of 
him sumwhar, or to keep from bein dove-tailed, or 



152 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

bavin a awger-hole put rite ilirough him fore he know'd 
what hurt him. It was most dinner-time, and we 
didn't stay thar long. 

At the Merryraack House we had one of the finest 
dinners I ever eat in my life. But the dish what 
tuck my fancy most, was a fine biled Merrymack 
salmon. What a pity salmons don't grow on pine 
trees — then we could have 'em in Georgia ; but as that 
can't be, I would advise you, if ever you cum this 
way in pea-time, to stop at the Merrymack House. 
Here they git 'em rite out of the water, and if a dish 
of Merrymack salmon and green peas wouldn't bring a 
ded man to life, then he may be buried with perfect 
safety. After the desert we had fruit, and among 
other things sum of the finest ox-hart cherries. They 
wer monstrous good, and if the man counted the 
seeds on my plate, he knows I done 'em justice. 
Hooper loved 'em too. We sot thar sum time eatin 
cherries and talkin 'bout the factory galls and the 
machinery. 

''Ain't it a pity," sed Hooper, "that these galls is 
Yankees. If it wasn't for that," ses he — 

" Well, that's a fact," ses I. " But you oughtn't to 
mind that, Hooper." 

"Ah, Majer," ses he, "it wouldn't do. But I did 
see one gall thar that " 

" Stole your hart," ses I ; for I know'd he was very 
sceptible of the tender passion, and I had hard work to 
git him out of one room in the Boot Mills. 

" No, not 'zactly, Majer; but to tell you the truth, I 
couldn't keep my eyes of that tall, dark-complexioned 
gall what was tendin the starchin-machine — the one 
what was readin in a book. Ther was sumthing so 
winnin, so amiable, and yet so dignified about that gall, 
thai I shall never forgit her. But she's a Yankee, and 
maybe a ravin abolitionist." 

" Well, Hooper," ses I, to change the subject what 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 153. 

was beginnin to make him serious, " if I was a wood- 
pecker I'd cum to this country evry summer, jest to eat 
cherries — they're so good." 

" Well, if I was a woodpecker I wouldn't do no 
sich thing!" ses Hooper. 

"Why not?" ses I. 

" Why, because these everlastin Yankees would be 
certain to invent sum cussed machine to ketch me." 

Ther was sumthing in that, and I had no more to 
say. 

In the evenin we tuck a walk to look at the town. 
Passin by a book-store, we went in to git sumthing to 
read. The old gentleman what keeps the store show'd 
us sum numbers of the ''Lowell Offering," what he 
sed was made up of the writins of the factory galls. 
Hooper sed he'd bet that gall he seed readin in the 
mills was one of the writers, and he told the man to 
let him have all the numbers. Hearin us say we 
would like to see sum of the writers, Mr. Davis, who 
is a monstrous clever, obligin man, sed he would be 
very happy to interduce us to sum of 'em. We tuck 
him at his word, and in a few minits more he show'd 
us into a neat little parlor, whar we was soon made 

acquainted with Miss Harriet F , the editor of the 

Offering, and her mother. Miss F promised Mr. 

Davis to take good care of us, and to see that none 
of the Lowell galls stole our harts, and he went back 
to his store. We spent a ower in very agreeable 

chat with Miss F , who is a true specimen of a 

New England gall. She has worked in the mills 
for several years, but now devotes herself to the 
magazine what she edits, supportin her mother by 
her own industry. After awhile she proposed to 
interduce us to sum more of the literary factory galls, 
and takin my arm, she carried us through several of 
the mills, and interduced us to the galls who was aJ 
ther work. 



164 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

As we was passin the great machine carpet factory, 
she ax'd us if we had seed 'em weavin carpets on the 
power-looms. We told her no — that we went thar in 
the day, but they wouldn't let us in, 

" Oh!" sed she, " they didn't know you was South- 
erners, or they wouldn't been 'fraid of your stealin ther 
patent." 

I didn't know zactly whether she meant that as a com- 
pliment or not. 

We went to the office, and ses Miss F : 

" Mr. Peters, here's a couple of Southern frends of 
inine, what wants to see the carpet-looms." 

"Well, but. Miss F ," ses he, ''you know its 

entirely agin the rules for anybody to be admitted to 
see the machinefy." 

"Yes; but," ses she, "I don't care for the rules — 
these gentlemen are all the way from Georgia, and they 
must see the looms." 

"But — " ses the old man. 

"I don't care," ses she ; " Fll be answerable for all 
the damage." 

" Well," ses Mr. Peters, " you can go into that 
room, (pintinto a dore,) and when you're in the packin- 
room, I guess you can find the way into the looms 
without my leitin you in.'^^ 

That was sufficient, and in we went. I ax'd Miss 
F if that man wasn't a Yankee inventor. 

" 0, no," ses she ; "he's only a ordinary genius in 
these parts." 

The carpet-looms is a grate specimen of American 
ingenuity, bein the only power-looms for weavin car- 
petin in the world ; but my bed was so full of wonders 
that I had seen durin the day, that I hadn't no loom 
for the carpet-looms. Besides, they is such thunderin 
grate big, smashin iron things, and go at such a ter- 
rible rate, that I expected evry minit to git my branes 
nocked out by 'em. 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 155 

After takin a look at 'em for a few minits, we went 

out, and visited sum more of the literati. Miss F 

interduced me to Miss Lucy L , the author of 

" The Wasted Flowers^'''' one of the prettyest liule alle 
gorys in the English language ; and which Judge 
Charlton, of Georgia, and several other popular 
poets, has tried ther hands on without bein able to 

improve it a bit. Miss L was in the packin-room 

of one of the mills, as clerk, checkin off the goods as 
they were bein put up into bales. She had worked in 
the mills several years. I never met with a more 
interestin young lady, though I spose she wouldn't 
thank me for callin her a lady^ as she gin me her auto- 
graf in a very different spirit. It reads — 

" Major Jones : 

" Sir — I have the honor to be, yours, very re- 
spectfully, a bona-Jide factory girl, 

Lucy L ." 

We found the place still more attractive as our 
acquaintance extended, and I begun to fear that 
Hooper would never be willin to quit Lowell. We 

tuck tea that evenin with Miss F , and afterwards 

called on several of our new acqaintances, who, with 
a party of ther frends, tuck a w^alk wdth us on the 
banks of the Merrymack. Hooper's symptoms was 
gettin worse and worse every hour, and I was 'fraid 
to risk him another moonlight night with the factory 
galls, for fear he mought meet the fate as a man 
what he would be 'fraid of as a woodpecker. So we 
bid 'em all good-by, when we parted with 'em for 
our hotel. 

We was off early in the mornin for Boston, whar we 
spent a few hours til the cars started for New York. 
I won't stop to tell you 'bout our trip — what a race we 
had with another steambote, and how we like to got 
blowd to Ballyhack gwine round Pint Judy, and liow 



156 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

one man lost his bran-new hat overboard, and th 
captain wouldn't stop for it. Sufficient that we arriv 
safe in this city, though I ain't rite certain that Hooper 
didn't leave his hart in the Boot Mills. No more from 
Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 

P. S. We're gwine to take a trip to Niagary FalL 
and the Lakes next week. 



157 



LETTER XVII. 

New York, July 15, 1845. 
To Mr. Thompson : — I told you in my last thi.t we 
w-as gwine to Niagary. Well, the Monday after I rit 
you my last letter, Hooper and me tuck passage on board 
the steambote Nickerbocker for Albany, up the Hudson 
river, what you've heard so much about. It was a 
butiful afternoon, and ther was peeple enuff aboard to 
make a fust rate campmeetin — men, wimmin and chil- 
dren, of all ages, sorts and sizes, and a merryer crowd 
couldn't be well raked together. We wasn't long gittin 
away from New York, and in a few minits our floatin 
castle was movin through a fleet of vessels of all kinds, 
gwine and cumin to the city, in one of the largest and 
handsumest rivers in the world. Some of the passen- 
gers had books, and maps, and spy-glasses in ther hands, 
and was all the time pintin out the interestin places. I 
had no time to read about 'em, and while they was porin 
over ther books and maps, and axin which is this, and 
that, and whar's so and so, I jest tuck my fill by lookin 
at every thing that was to be seed. 

We had a fust rate view of the Pallisades, as they 
call 'em, what goes jest a leetle ahead of any pile of 
rock I ever seed before, extendin for twenty miles on 
the left bank, and risin in sum places more'n five hun- 
dred feet rite perpendickiler out of the water. Now 
and then ther is a fisherman's house standin on the 
water's edge, lookin 'bout as big as a bee-gum agin the 
everlastin stone wall behind it. 

After passin the Pallisades, we cum into the Tappan 
Sea, whar the river is more'n four miles wide and looks 
as quiet as a duck-pond. Sing Sing prison, what stands 



158 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

on the right at the hed of the Tappan Sea, was made to 
keep the rascals in New York, what they haint got room 
for on Blackwell's Island, but one man sed he didn't 
blieve ther was stone enuff in the Pallisades to bild a 
house big enuff to hold all that ought to be thar. 

In a few minits more we was passin Stony Pint, whar 
eld Mad Antony Wayne waked up the British sogers 
with the pints of his bayonets, one mornin before breck- 
fust, in 1779, and then we was among the highlands. 
The sun was most down, and the mountains — sum of 
'em more'n one thousand six hundred feet high — stood 
out in bold relief agin the brown evenin sky, throwin 
their dark shadows far over the river, that crooked and 
twisted about in evry direction, as if it had got lost in 
tryin to find its way through 'em. 

It seemed as if old Miss Nature had jest tried her 
hand at makin hills and hollers, wastin yeath enuff in 
her fancy work to make two or three states like the 
State of Delaware ; and I couldn't help but think what 
capers old Boreas must cut in the winter time, when he 
undertakes to have a strait blow among these everlastin 
crags and caverns, and precipises. One would think 
it would take a right smart harrycane to git through 'em 
without gettin scattered into forty thousand directions. 
Such monstrous mountings I never seed before. They 
may talk about pilin Ossa on Pelion, but if a body wanted 
to astonish the world with a mounting, all they would 
have to do would be to put Crow's Nest on Butter Hill, 
or Bull Head on Bare Mount, and if that wouldn't lay all 
the other hills in the shade, then they m ought take my hat. 

The passengers was all terribly delighted with the 
scene, and them that had books and maps couldn't git 
time to see any thing for answerin the questions of them 
what didn't have none. Thar was one man from New 
York, with a crowd of ladys, that know'd all about 
every place we passed, and, to hear him talk, a body 
would s'posed he had been born and raised all along tho 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 159 

shore like the Indian was. The ladys kep him mon 
strous busy, you may depend. 

*' Whar's Antony's Ncse, Mr. Johnson ?" says one 

of 'em. 

<* Oh yes," ses another, *' I want to see old Antony s 
Nose. They say it's one of the greatest curiosities n 
the world— it's so perfectly natural." 

'' Antony's Nose ?" ses Mr. Johnson, puttm his spy- 
glass up to his eye. ^' Let me see. Ah, thar it is. You 
can jest see the tip eend of it round that projection." 

" Whar ! whar .^" ses a dozen of 'em at once. " Do 
tell us." ^ . 

"In a minit, ladies, we'll have a good view, ihere 
now, do you see ? Thar it is, rite ahead. That's Anto- 
ny's Nose." 

Well, I looked, and so did everybody else, but it 
looked as much like a fodder stack as a man's nose to 

me. 

" I can't see no nose," ses a old chap what had his 
hed tied up with a red hankerchicf to keep from ketchin 

cold. 

" Which eend is the nose on ?" ses one of the la- 

"* Oh I see it— I see it," ses a long-legged dandy in 
check trowses. " I see it jest as plain as the nose on a 
man's face." 

" Whar is it..?" ses a dozen that was stretchin ther eyes 
out of ther heds,but couldn't make it out no better than 
I could. , 

" Why," ses Mr. Johnson, " rite thar, a little on the 
right of the wheel-house. Now, can't you see it. Miss 
Abbigal, jest beyond that big rock in the edge of tlip 
water thar.? I can almost see the nostrils." 

" To be sure," ses the dandy ; " if it was a little later 
we could hear it snore." 

" I can't see no sign of a nose," ses a man what was 
oglin the mountain with all his might, whh a one-eveo 
spectacle tied to a black ribbon. 



10 



160 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

" Nor me nother," sed all of 'em. 

" Well, it's monstrous strange," ses .Mr. Johnson—* 
** it's so plain. I can't see nothin else." 

" Aint you mistaken, Mr. Johnson ?'" ses one of the 
ladys. 

" Lord, no," ses he ; " I know it so well — I've been 
on it as often as I've got fingers and toes." 

'Bout this time the captain of the boat passed along. 
The passengers stopped him and ax'd him whar was 
Antony's Nose ? 

^' 'Bout five miles ahead," ses he ; ^'you will see it 
shortly after we pass the next landin." 

Mr. Johnson was tuck with a sudden desire to prome- 
nade with one of the ladys, and we didn't see his nose 
no more on the top deck that night. 

Bimeby we cum to Antony's Nose, sure enuff, but it 
had been blowed so that nobody couldn't tell whether it 
was a Roman nose or a pug — not by the old gentleman 
himself, but by some oudacious stone quarryers, who had 
to go and blast it all to pieces, as if ther wasn't enufT 
rock in the place without ther taking such a liberty with 
old Antony's countenance. Some men, you know, find 
as much satisfaction in spilin a wonder, as others does 
in findin 'em. 

It was so dark when we got to West Pint — the place 
whar Uncle Sam teaches the young ideas how to shoot 
the enemies of our country — that we didn't see but 
monstrous little of it. The boat stopped at the landin 
a few minits, and we had time too look round on the 
hills that seemed to rise to the skies, fencin us in on 
every side, cuttin off the river above and below us, so it 
looked as if we was in a little lake among the hills, in- 
3ted of bein on a river two hundred miles long. 

We had a monstrous good supper, but I lost my share 
of the strawberries and cream jest 'cause I happened to 
call one of the nigger waiters " boy." The kinky- 
headed cus looked at me sideways, and rolled the whites 
of his eyes at me like he was gwine to have a fit of 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 161 

nidryfoby, and carried the berries and cream rite past 
me to the other eend of the table. I called some more 
of the waiters, but it was no use. The fust one had 
told the rest, and all ther dignitys was up. They kep 
lookin at me and whisperin to one another, and makin 
motions, and I could smell the musk so strong that it 
like to tuck my appetite from me, hungry as I was. If 
you should ever cum this way a travellin, you musn't 
call the nigger waiters, boy, nor uncle, nor buck, nor any 
frendly, home name ; and if your trunk happens to have 
Georgia on it, you'd better scratch it off, if you want 
any attention or civility from the waiters. They're all 
misters here, and the she ones is misses, and it puts the 
old harry in 'em to call 'em by any thing but ther 
Northern names. You may call pore white men and 
wimmin waiters, servants, slewers, or any thing you 
please, but you must take monstrous good care how 
you speak to the free niggers. 

After supper we tuck a smoke on the top deck. 
If the scenery of the Hudson is " grand, gloomy and 
peculiar," in the day-time, it don't lose none of its 
charms by moonlight. To be sure, the mountings 
don't look so bold, and we don't see so many prominent 
objects standin out separate and distinct, excitin our 
admiration on ther own hook as it w^ere, but ther is 
enuflf to be seed to help the imagination to make 
improvements even on nater itself. Thar's the broad 
buzum of the river, reflectin the silver light of the 
moon, with here and thar a little sloop or scooner, 
glidin along in silence, with its snow-white sails jest 
filled by the soft breeze that fans the smoke of your 
segar away from your nose — the curvin banks, now 
shootin boldly out into the strong light, disturbin the 
quiet current of the river, and now retirin into the 
deep shade, whar the water is sleepin still and dark as 
a nigger baby in a shuck-pen — the lofty peaks laisin 
ther bald beds into the sky to bathe 'em in the cold 
moon-beams — the ravines and gorges windin and 



162 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

twistin about between the hills, or spreadin out into 
broad valleys, and reachin away for miles into the dim 
haze, whar the dark Catskills rises ther misty forms 
agin the vaulted Heavens— all conspirin to make a 
landscape which — which, as the novel riters ses, is 
more easy to imagine than describe. 

Bimeby our segars went out, the moon went down, 
<he ladys went to ther cabin, and we went to look for 
our berths. After huntin about for half a ower or 
more for the rite one, I got into a rong one, whar I 
hadn't more'n jest got into a doze before a old feller cum 
along and hustled me out, showin me a ticket for the 
place. By this time sum feller had got into mine, 
and when I found him out, and got him awake, and 
show'd him my ticket, he got out, cussin and growlin 
like a bare with a sore hed, and went to rout out sum- 
body else that was in his place. And so the thing 
went round from berth to berth, and 'tween the rumagin 
about of the servants, who was tryin to find the rite 
berths for the gentlemen what had got into the rong 
numbers, the cussin of them that was waked up on 
suspicion, and the growlin of them that was huntin 
about for a bed, in ther bare feet and drawers, I didn't 
git to sleep for more'n tw^o owers. 

One little duck-legged man, w^hat sed he was a 
editor of a newspaper up in Albany, had all the 
servants on the bote helpin him to find a bed, and 
made more rumpus than all the rest put together. 
He didn't have no ticket himself, so he jest kep 
gwine round, routin evrybody up to see if they was 
certain they was in the rite bed. What made it 
worse, his memory wasn't very good, and he would 
cum to the same man two or three times. Hooper 
was lay in rite under me, and you know how cross 
old bachelors is at night when they're in bed. 
Mr. Squib had waked him up once, and I could 
heai him cussin about it, and I spected evry minit 
the fussy litth feller would cum back, and then 1 



MAJOR Jones's travels. -163 

know'd ther'd be a row. Shore enuff here cum 
Squib with a gang of niggers behind him, all wiih 
candles in ther hands. Fust he looked into my 
curtains. " Boo !" ses I, and the little man's hed 
disappeared like a shot. The next minit I heard him 
wakin up Hooper. 

" What number's this you're in, stranger?" ses he. 

"Ah, ha! I've got you now," shouted Hooper, 
springin from his berth like a mad tiger, and grabbin 
Squib by the neck. 

"Murder — murder! take him off!" yelled the little 
man, as they went down on the floor together. 

Then thar was a row shore enuff. Hooper hollered 
stop thief! — the little man hollered murder! — and the 
niggers hollered help ! The passengers cum scrarnblin 
out of ther berths in all kinds of costume — tumblin 
over the chairs and sofas, and grabbin, sum hold 
of Hooper, and sum hold of Squib. However, 
nobody didn't git hurt, and as soon as Hooper 
got a chance to explain how he was subject to the 
night-mare, evry thing was quiet agin. But the 
little man found a place to sleep in the other eend of 
the bote. 

Sleep is like the magnetic telegraph — one travels 
hundreds of miles in no time when he's asleep — and 
early in the mornin we was at Albany. I had to give 
a sevenpence for my boots to a nigger what had rubbed 
off what little blackin ther was on 'em before, and by 
the time I got dressed and got my face washed, we was 
at the wharf. 

Here was another gang of boddy-snatchers after us 
and our baggage. Ther wasn't no choice of evils, 
so we tuck the fust feller in the way, who whirled us 
off to the railrode depot in a minit. The distance ain't 
more'n about live hundred yards, and by the time we 
got our trunks off the coach, here cum the passengers 
walkin from the bote, with ther baggage in a wagon 
belongin to the rode, free of charge. This was take 



164 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

in enuff; but would you bliere it, when I gin the 
driver a five dollar bill to get it changed, so I could 
pay him his fair, the rascal went to his coach, jumped 
on the box, popped his whip, and puttin his thumb on 
his nose, wiggled his fingers at me as he druv off in a 
canter. It was no time to rectify sich things — they 
was callin out for the baggage to put it aboard for the 
place it was gwine to — Hooper was buyin our tickets — 
the bell was ringin for evrybody to git in the cars — 
one chap was just caught tryin to steal a gentleman's 
trunk rite before his eyes — I looked up agin the wall 
and seed hand-bills stickin all about, what sed, in big 
letters, "Look out for Pick-pockets!" and I jest put 
my hands in my pockets and kep my eyes wide open, 
til I got my seat in the cars. When we started I 
drawed a long breth, and thanked my stars that we was 
out of Albany. 

And now I am gwine at the rate of fifteen miles a 
ower, and Albany is fast fadin from my sight. I w^ill 
stop here while I go on to Buffalow, leavin you to 
imagin what happens to me on the way, til you hear 
(roNQ me agin. So no more from 

Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 



MAJOR JONES's TRAVELS. 166 



LETTER XVIII. 

New York, July 18, 18t5. 

To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — When I left off in 
my last letter, I was whizzin along in the cars at the 
rate of 'bout fifteen miles a ower, on my way to 
Buffalow. You know ther ain't no great deal of 
romance in a railrode jurney, if you don't happen 
to no mishaps, sich as runnin off the track and 
bein tilted heels over hed down a fifty feet embank- 
ment, into a quagmire forty foot deep, or pitchin into 
the train what's gwine tother way, and havin a double 
seat, back and all, jammed rite through your stummick 
in the collision, or bustin yer biler and havin your 
arms and legs sent whirlin in evry direction among 
the tree-tops in a harrycane of bilin hot steam. Well, 
as none of these accidents didn't happen to us to make 
our trip interestin, I shan't truble you with a very long 
account of my jurney through this part of the great 
Empire State. 

It is a Empire State, shore enuff — a empire of cities 
and towns, standin so thick that, in the railrode cars, 
it jest seems to be one everlastin Broadway, with here 
and thar a Bolin Green or a Union Park by way of 
variety. I tried to keep a run of the towns, but they 
stood so thick together and the cars went so fast, that 
when I ax'd anybody the name of a place, before I 
could make him understand what I wanted, in the 
bominable racket, we was in the middle of another 
town, and by the time I could understand ihe hard 
name of that one, we was runnin the children and pigs 



166 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

off tlie track, and settin the dogs a barkin, and the 
wimmin a lookin out of the winders in another. Jest 
as we got out of Amsterdam I ax'd one of the passen- 
gers what place it was. He was readin a newspaper, 
and didn't hear me good at fust. 

" What town is this?" ses I. 

" Eh ?" ses he. 

" What place is this ?" 

" This ! oh ! this is Tripe Hill, I blieve," ses he. 

"What Hill?" ses I. 

"It looks like Cawnewaga," ses he. 

" Cawne-which?^^ ses I. 

" Now we are in Fonda," ses he. 

Seein I couldn't git no satisfaction out of him, I give 
it up. And shore enuff, cum to find out, v;e had been 
gwine through three towns while I was tryin to find out 
the name of the fust one. 

This is a go-a-hed country, to be shore. I couldn't 
help but think, as we went dashing along in the 
middk of cities and towns, over lakes and rivers, 
throvgh mountings and valleys, wakin the echoes 
with the thunderin clang of our iron wheels, and 
settin all the animal creation a caperin over the 
fields with the snort of our steam-car — how the old 
codgers what lived three or four thousand years 
before the Fourth of July would be tuck a-back if 
ther ghosts was 1o cum on a jurney to the United 
States now — how ther old notions would have to 
stand out of the way before the march of human 
knowledge which they would see displayed in evry 
thing around 'em. What, for instance, would old 
Mr. Abraham think, to see more'n a thousand peeple, 
with bag and baggage — more'n all the jack-asses and 
camels in his kingdom could carry — travelin at the 
rate of fifteen miles a ower, all of 'em as comfortable 
and snug as if they was settin in ther own parlors? 
Or, to cum down to the later times, what would sich 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 167 

fellers as old Pompy and Socrates, and them, think to 
see Romes, and Athenses, and Troys, springin up all 
round 'em, thick as toadstools on a foggy mornin, with 
more commerce, and havin almost as much inhabitants 
as the cities of ther own day, what they used to think 
couldn't be bilt short of two or three of ther lono--lived 
generations? 

I used to think that the peeple of the old times had 
a monstrous sight the advantage of us, Uvin as they did 
to be five and six hundred years old ; but, when I cum 
to consider, I don't know as they was much better off 
than we is. For what's the odds if we don't live so 
long as Mr. Methusleum, if we can accomplish more 
in our lifetimes than he did in his ? If we can git up 
a bigger nation in half a century than they did in five 
times as long — if our boys know more about science 
and other matters at ten years old, than ther's did at a 
hundred — if we can travel farther and see more of the 
world in a week than they could in five years — if we 
can harness up fire and water, and make 'em pull more 
cars in a train than Faryo had chariots in his hoste — 
if we can make the lightnin carry our mails from one 
eend of the yeath to the other in the twinklin of a eye 
— if we can print more books in a day than they could 
rite in a century — if we can do all these things and 
twenty thousand times more than was never dreamed 
of in ther filosofy — then what's the use of our livin as 
long as they did ? 

I blieve Providence regulates these things jest about 
as well as Congress could if it had the management 
of 'em. This world is only a state of preparation for 
another kind of existence — a sort of human cabbage- 
patch, whar plants is raised from the seed to be sot out 
in the gardin of immortality — and the higher the state 
of cultivation the sooner we cum to the proper degree 
of human development, and of course the sooner we is 
reddy for transplantin. But a ralerode car ain't no 



168 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

place to filosofise, so I'll arap the suDject and go oi* 
with my journey. 

We got to Syracuse early in the evenin, and as we 
w^asn't in no grate hurry, w^e concluded to stop thar all 
night, and take the train the next day. Ther is salt 
enuff made in this place, you know, to keep all crea- 
tion from spilin, and I wanted to see how they biled it. 
We druv up to the salt-pumps, and seed 'em pumpin 
the water, and I couldn't help but think, when I seed 
the everlastin vats of salt water and the piles of salt in 
evry direction, that Mrs. Lott must been near this 
place when she looked back at Gomorrow. It's a 
monstrous nice town, with a heap of butiful private 
houses and high board fences, all as white as table- 
salt. We tuck a walk round it by moonhght, and 
then went to our hotel and went to bed. The next 
mornin, 'bout 'leven o'clock, we tuck the cars agin, 
and, passin through one of the butifulest countries in 
the world, arrived at Rochester, a handsum city 'bout 
as big as Savannah and Augusty both together, a little 
after dark. Here we tuck another rest til mornin, when 
we tuck the cars what set us down in Buffalow before 
dinner time. 

After dinner we tuck a walk through the town, 
which is a fresh-water sea-port, you know, and a 
pretty considerable of a place. In the afternoon we 
went aboard of a little steambote what was gwine 
down the Niagary River to the Falls. While Hooper 
and me was smokin our segars on the deck, and 
the passengers was cumin on board, one of the big 
lake steamers started off with a rigment of sogers, 
what had been ordered from Buffalow to sum other 
place up the lake, makin a mighty grand show with 
her flags flyin and a band of music playin *'Hai] 
Columby." 

Our bell rung, and in a few minits we w^as off. 
But jest as we got out of the mouth of tb^ cr-eek 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 169 

into the lake, we seed a bote with four sailors in il, 
and a lady, and a little fat man what was wavin his 
handkerchief to us like he was in grate distress. Our 
captain stopped his bote til the sailors rowed along- 
side and put the lady and the little fat man aboard. 
He wanted us to give chase to the big bote wlial 
was gwine up the lake with the sogers, to put the 
lady on it, who was the wife of the Curnel, and was 
left by mistake. Ther bote was tied behind ours, 
and away we went after the big bote, as hard as we 
could crack it. But it was no use. The big steamer 
was leavin us fast, and all the signals we could make 
wouldn't stop her. The lady sot on the seat and 
cried like her hart would brake, and the little fat 
man cussed and stamped about like he would kick 
our smoke-pipe down if he was only big enuff. 
The lady, who was a young wife, jest married a few 
months, was left in his charge by the Curnel to see 
her to the bote while he tended to his sogers ; but 
the fussy old feller didn't git her thar in time, and 
the bote was gone with the Curnel, leavin the pore 
gall to cry her pretty eyes out at the idee of bein 
parted from her husband until sum other bote Gould 
take her to him. 

It was a mighty hard case, and made me feel 
monstrous bad, but ther was no help for it ; and after 
tryin his best to catch the big bote, our captain had to 
put her and the old man in ther battow agin ; and the 
last I seed of 'em the sailors was pullin in to the shore, 
what was about five miles off — the old man tryin to 
console the pore wife, and she wipin her eyes wiih her 
handkerchef, and gazin after the bote that was fast 
gettin smaller and smaller as it bore her husband 
from her. 

As we was runnin back to the outlet of the Niagary 
River, I noticed that our flag didn't have no sta\s, and 
the stripes on it run cross-ways. Th ink's 1 that's 



170 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

monstrous curious; and I ax'd the captain what sort 
of a gi^amaree he had got up thar for a flag? 

" That ?" ses he ; " That's Saint George's Cross !" 

" Who's Saint George ?" ses I ; " does he live about 
these parts ?" 

"Oh, no!" ses the captain, "that's the English 
colors." 

" The English colors!" ses I. " Why, captain, what 
upon yeath is you doin with the British flag on your 
bote?" 

" This is a British bote," ses he. 

"The thunder it is!" ses I. 

And shore enuflf, thar we was, abord of a British 
bote, with a English captain, and the British flag flyin 
over our beds. Hooper sed it w^as all right ; but I 
couldn't help but feel sort o' queer with that flag over 
me, and I thought of the time when the gallant Perry 
made 'em pull it dow^n on that very lake. 

The captain was a monstrous clever little man, and 
tuck a grate deal of pains to oblige his passengers. 
And if all the British was like him, I don't think we'd 
have any more rumpus wdth 'em. 

Ther wasn't many passengers, and as we passed 
down the river, and all engaged in conversation about 
the interestin scenery on its banks, and the grate won- 
der we w^as gwine to see, we got pretty well acquainted. 
Among 'em was a tall, thin, pale-lookin Englishman, 
what wore a grass-linen cote and trouses, with a high- 
crowned, speckled straw hat. He w^as runnin about all 
the time v^ith his gide-book and pencil in his hand, 
axin evrybody questions, and gabblin and talkin on 
'bout evry thing, hke he w^as half out of his senses. 
He was as nervous as a w^oman ; and when he first 
seed the colum of spray risin from the catarack — 
which we saw several miles before we got to Navy 
Island, where the patriots kicked up such a rum- 
Dus, you know, a few years ago — he rubbed hia 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 171 

hands together, and begun to talk poetry like a play- 
actor. 

We was soon at Chipawa, near the old battle 
ground, whar we tuck a horse railrode for the Falls 
The moon was up high and bright as the horses trotteo 
us along over the rode, and we could hear the thunder 
of the mighty torrent above the noise of the car. 
We was all bound for the Clifton House ; but wher 
we got within about a mile of it, a man met us, to teP 
us that ther was no room thar, and all except a old 
gentleman and two or three ladys what had rooms 
engaged, went back to the Pavilion Hotel what stands 
upon the hill jest above the Falls. And I was rit6 
glad we didn't git in the crowd below, for we found 
plenty of room at the Pavilion — a good supper, a 
obligin landlord, and excellent accommodations, in 
evry respect. 

With the roar of Niagary in our ears, it was impos- 
sible to go to sleep without first satisfyin our curiosity, 
by takin a view of the Fall by moonlight ; so as soon 
as supper was over, our party, consistin of Hooper, the 
Englishman and me, and two other gentlemen from 
Filadelfy, started to find what we thought ther wouldn't 
be no danger of missin. 

We soon cum to a path what had a gide-board to it 
and led down in the direction of the falls, and follered 
it dow^n the almost perpendickeler steep, holdin on to 
the bushes by the way. We didn't go far before the 
top of the precipice which w^e was descendin, shut out 
the light of the moon so we couldn't see a sign of the 
path. One straggled off one way and one another, 
each feelin his way and holdin on to the roots and 
bushes, and callin to the others to foller. until we found 
ourselves scattered in evry direction, unable to git to 
one another, and afraid to go any further down the 
slippery, miery bank.. We could hardly hear each 
other's voices for the heavy thunder of the flood below. 



172 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

what seemed to snake the foundation of the hilj to 
which we clung, as it rolled its gray mists up among 
the dark tree-tops below. 

" I say, gentlemen," sed our English frend, " let's 
commisshun the one nearest to the top of the 'ill to go 
back to the 'ouse for a gide, and we'll 'old on 'ere 
Adhere we are, till 'e curas." 

" I vote for the gide," ses Mr. Kee, from Filadelfy ; 
" but I couldn't let go this bush for all creation, mv- 
self" 

Them was jest exactly my sentiments: for I begun 
to feel monstrous ticklish thar in the dark, so close to 
sich a terrible place. But I didn't say nothin, waitin 
to see if sum one wouldn't volunteer. Mr. More was 
nee deep in the mud, 'bout twenty feet from me, and 
Hooper was on his hands and nees crawlin up the 
bank. Hooper was 'termined to see the falls by 
moonlight, so back he went, and in a few minits cum 
with a gide, w^ho, after coUectin us together and gettin 
us in the path which led rite the different way from 
what w^e was g;wine, tuck us down to the second bank, 
and then led us out to the Table Rock. And thar was 
the mighty Niagary, pourin its eternal flood in thunder 
down into the dark abyss, from which cum rollin up 
grate colums of snow-white mist, supportin a pale 
rainbow arch, at once presentin the most butiful and 
the most terrible pair of spectacles I ever had before 
my eyes. 

We stood on the bald Table Rock, what juts out 
over the bilin flood below, whar the white foam, 
though w^e can see it dimly through the mist in the 
moonlight, gives you no fixed idee of heights or 
distances, out rather helps the imagination to extend 
the scene upon a scale suited to its awful sublimity. 
No*, a word was spoke for several minits — each one 
held his breth in silent awe — afraid to breathe in sich a 
oaighty presence. And the fust words uttered was 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 173 

exclamations to ourselves, that seemed to cum from 
our mouths 'thout our knowin it, as if the very soul 
within us was amazed, and was givin utterance to its 
emotions, while our fisical naters was overwhelmed 
and paralyzed by the terrific display of the majesty and 
power of the Being that made the Heavens and the 
yeath. 

I went close on the edge of the rock, whar the water 
dashed over a few inches from my feet, and looked, 
fust upon the waves of the wide river, as they cum 
leapin and shimmerin in the moonlight, like mountains 
of silver, to the verge of the precipice, w^har they 
suddenly melted into a flood of liquid emerald, frosted 
over with flakes of snow^, as they dashed down into the 
deep, eternal torment of waters below — then upon the 
misty cavern that yawned at my feet, whar the waves 
that my eyes had follered in ther descent, in the foam 
of ther rath, was howHn, and chafin, and surgin like 
troubled spirits within ther rocky confines — and then 
upon the pale bow that spanned the dismal vortex, 
sheddin a calm halo of ethereal buty over the stupen- 
d.ous scene of terrific horrors. 

No one was anxious to leave the spot, or to disturb 
ihe meditations of the others. After a w^hile we 
gradually fell into conversation. Our English frend, 
who we had by this time found out to be a perfect 
gentleman, and a man of excellent good sense, sed 
he had travelled the best part of his life, and that 
he had seed the grate waterfalls of Switzerland and 
South America, but this was the waterfall of the 
world — it was the grate feature of America. He had 
never seed any thing capable of producin such sublime 
emotions, and ses he — " If I was to dy to-night, i 
would be a grate source of consolation to know that _ 
had lived long enuff in the world to see its greatest 
wonder." 

After spendin a couple of hours on the Table Rock, 



174 ■ MAJOR Jones's travels. 

we returned to our hotel, and soon after went to our 
beds, to dream of Niagary, and to awake in the 
mornin to explore its magnificent wonders. I will tell 
you how it looks by daylight in my next. So no more 
from 

Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 



MAJOR JONES S TRAVELS. 



175 



LETTER XIX. 

New York, July 20, 1845. 
To Mr. Thompson :—Dear Sir— I tuck my leave of 
you, in my last letter, jest as I was gwme to bed in the 
kviUon Hotel. Well, you may depend I dreamed al 
sorts of terrible dreams that night. I went to sleep vMth 
the roar of the cataract in my ears, ^nd it seemed to me 
that the bed-posts trembled with the jar. The roarin in 
rav ears kep growin louder and louder, til it seemed to 
me like heaven and yeath was cumin together, and the 
fust thino- I knowed somehow or other, I was standin 
on the edge of Table Rock agin, and a mountmg of 
water, that reached to the sky, was cumin rolhn rite on- 
to me, to sweep me down into the bilin basin below 
what seemed to be 'bout five miles deep, and filled with 
all the devils in the infernal regions. I tried to run, but 
for the soul of me I couldn't move a peg— on and over 
it cum rite on top of me, and down I went— down 
down, with my mouth chock full of water, so I coulchi t 
even say my prayers,-but jest as I got to the bottom 
and was 'bout pitchin hed fust into the mouth of a water 
devil that was as big as a meetin house I fotched one 
all-fired yell— and the next minit I found myself on the 
floor, with the bed-clothes on top of "^^- , .^ ^ , , ,^ 
Hooper sed it was the night-mare, and if 1 hadn t 
hollered jest as I did, I'd been a gone Jonn, shore enul 
Night-mare or no night-mare, I don't blieve Id tel 
aiuch worse if I'd gone over the Falls in downright 

yearnest. ^ . , t ;^c 

I was afraid to go sound to sleep agin, and so I jes. 
tuck a turn round the bed-post with one arm, and slep 
with one eye open the balance of the night. 
11 



176 MAjoPw Jones's travels. 

Ill the mornin before breckfust we tuck another look 
t the falls from the Table Rock. This time we had 
a better view of the Fall itself, as well as the surroundin 
scenery. But notwithstandin it was light, and we could 
see for miles around, the objects we looked at was on 
sich a different scale of proportion fi'om any thing we 
was used to, that ther was no sich thing as formin any 
idees 'bout bights and distances, or any thing else. 
The more I looked the more I couldn't tell how big a 
thing was. Sometimes a rock would look like a moim- 
ting, and sometimes it was no bigger than a goose's e^g 
— sometimes the islands would look big as my plantation, 
and then agin they wouldn't look no bigger than so 
many tater-hills — and I begun to wonder how they could 
hold ther holts, thar rite in the middle of sich a racin 
river, 'thout gettin washed up by the roots and swept 
over the precipice below. 

s The magnitude of things at Niagary depends alto- 
gether on how a body contrasts 'em. When my eye 
luck in nothing but the mighty river, the everlastin 
battlements of rock, and the terriffic cateract, why then 
they didn't seem to have no partickeler dimensions ; 
but when I happened to see the houses on the American 
side, or a ferry boat crossin below the Fall, or a company 
of men clamberin about among the loose rocks, down 
by the water's edge, lookin no bigger than so many ants, 
then I was able to comprehend the stupendous wonders 
of Niagary, and to feel myself no bigger, standing thar 
on that rock, than a seed-dck in Scriven county. Som.e 
peeple ses Niagary is a great place to elevate a body's 
'dees, but with me it had exactly the contrary effect, 
and I do blieve if I was to use about thar long, I'd git 
sich an insignificant opinion of myself, that I wouldn't 
dare to say my soul was my own. I know some peeple 
that it would do a monstrous sight of good to go to 
Niagary, if for nothin else but to git a correct measure- 
ment of ther own importance in the scale of bein — if 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 177 

they didn't git ther notions tiicli down a peg or two, 
then I'm terribly mistaken. 

The stickin in the mud the night before had laid up 
our English frend, and when we got back to breckfust 
he was jest gittin out of bed, but he was too sick to go 
with us to the Falls. After eatin a good breckfust we 
went down to the museum kep by Mr. Barnet, whar 
we seed all sorts of varmints, and Ingin curiosities, and 
minerals and sich likes, and then bought sum tickets to 
go down under the Fall to Termination Rock, as they 
call it. 

I didn't have much notion of foolin about quite so 
familiar with sich terrors as the great water-fall itself; 
but they all sed ther was no danger, and that evrybody 
went thar, and nothin would do Hooper but we must 
go. So we went to the house at the top of the stair- 
way, whar a old nigger feller tuck us into a room and 
told us we must strip off all our clothes, and put on 
sum sailor riggins what he would give us, to go un- 
der the falls with. 

"But whar shill we leave our money and our 
watches ?" ses Mr. More. 

" You needn't be 'tall fear'd, gemmen," ses the old 
nigger, "jest leave evry thing here, and when you cum 
back you'll find 'em all safe, and ef you never cums 
back you know, you won't want 'era." 

" We won't !" thinks I, and I begun to feel a little 
jubous 'bout gwine in any sich a place. 

" [ say, uncle — beg pardon," ses I. " Mister^ is thar 
any danger in gwine to Termination Rock .^" 

" Not a bit," ses he, as he handed me a red flannel 
shirt, big enutf for Col. Bill Skimer, and a pair of coarse 
duck trowses, without no buttens on 'em. " Not a bit. 
if you don't fall into the casum below, and then tha; 
aint no tellin what w^ould becum of you." 

I stopped strippin and sot down on a bench, and 
oegun to consider. 

" Stop," ses the nigger to Mr. More, who was p--- 



178 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

a par of trowses on over his boots ; " you must take 
your boots off' too — evry thing — and I'll give you a par 
of shoes for your feet." 

Thunder! — thinks I — the feller wants to save all lie 
an, if one of us was to cum up missin. 

*' Cum, Majer," ses Hooper, as he was pullin his 
shirt over his hed, " no backin out from old Georgy." 

" But," ses I, " is you certain thar aint no danger in 
this bisness ?" 

" Not a bit, sir," ses the nigger, "though evrybody 
is a little skeered at fust — ladies go under evry day, 
and no accident has never happened yet. I was jest 
jokin you a little." 

In a few minits more we was all dressed in our yaller 
trowses, red shirts, oil-cloth caps, and cowhide sho"«?, 
reddy for the adventure. We foUered the lead of t 
guide to the stair- way, what went round and round i 
we got almost out of breth before we reached the 
bottom, whar we stepped out into the path what runs 
along on the side of the almost perpendickeler rock 
bank, 'bout half-way from the top, gittin narrower and 
slipryer as we git nearer to the sheet of water. The 
mist from the river was raw and cold, but I blieve 1 
could shivered in a warm bath jest to look at the place 
whar we was gwine. 

The Table Rock above perjected out far over our beds, 
and the loose rocks what lay in our narrow path rolled 
from under our feet down into the foamin basin below. 
The old nigger led the way" — Hooper follered close to 
him, and the rest of us strung along in Injin file behind. 
Jest before we got to the edge of the fall we all got a 
terrible shower-bath from a spring of water what falls 
in the path from the rock above. And now we enter 
behind the sheet — the path is hardly wide enuff" fer 
our feet, and slippry with runnin water — the white 
spray cums howlin up from the dark pit on our left, and 
drives in surgin torrents agin the slimy rocks on our 
right — in the darkness we can jest fiee the black, shelvin 



MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS. 179 

rock to which we chng on one side and the curtain of 
mnd waters that is rushin down within arms-length of 
us on the other-the deep thunder of the water stops 
our ears to all other sounds, and the spray is so heavy 
thafwe i^asp for breth as we shrink close to the trembhn 
rocks, agin which it drives til it falls in rain upon its 
slipry side. Now the gide turns back, we have reached 
Termination Rock, and, filled with a terrible awe tha 
can find no words to express it, we face about, ami 
p-rope our dangerous way back from a scene of terrific 
arandure and sublimity, which no pen can describe, 
and which is worth the riskin of one s life to know ! 

When we got out from behind the sheet, and had 
got to a place whar the footin was sure, you may depend 
I felt monstrous comfortable, and when Mr. More pro- 
posed " three cheers for Old Niagary,- I Jin'^l;^, 7^^^ 
hartily, and didn't stop til I had gin it at least half a 
dozen of 'em. I spose I felt very much like a man 
does after he's been made a Free Mason or a Odd 
Feller— the skeer was over, I had found out the 
mistery, and I felt that whenever T met any one here- 
after who had put his foot on Termination Rock, 1 
would be able to participate with him ma sentinient 
what nobody who had never been thar couldn t under- 

'^"tonder that among all the ways they have of mak- 
in- money here, out of strangers, they never have hit 
up1)n a order of brotherhood, the mitiation ceremony 
of which to take place on Termination Rock. A order 
founded on sich a rock-a rock what the mighty Niagary 
itself can't move— certainly would stand, in spite of all 
the Billy Morgans in the world. • , * , 

Before gwine up to change our clothes, the g.de uck 
us dowa to the water's edge, whar a httle rock bm 
the size of Parson Stor's church in P:neville, he» a 
little ways out in the edge of the water To g,t a good 
view ol the Fall from the bottom, we clum up the ladde 
ontrthe top of this rock and tuck a seat and looked 



180 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

kight up agin the greaf Horse-Shoe Fall, what looked 
kike as if it cum pourin out of the heavens, it was so 
grand and high. Some ladys was standin upon the 
Table Rock lookin at us. They seemed to us about 
as big as my finger, and I spose \\t looked 'bout the 
same size to them. They waved ther little parasols to 
us, and we tuck off our oil-cloth caps and waved 'em 
at them. 

After takin a good look from the top of the rock we 
went down and paddled about awhile in the water that 
runs through the broken rocks between the big rock 
and the bank, til one of us cum monstrous near gettin 
washed out into the rapids. After that we went back 
to the room, whar we found our clothes all right. 

We hadn't more'n got out of the place before ther 
was 'bout a dozen hackmen after us to take us all over 
Canada if we wanted to go. One red-headed feller, 
what sed he was a patriot in the rebellion, and w^as put 
in prison to keep him from takin the country from the 
British, was so pressin that four of us chartered him 
to go to the Burnin Spring and Lundy's Lane. 

At the Burnin Spring, w^har the water blazes up 
when you touch it off with a Lucifer match, and burns 
like a fat light- wood knot, we lit our segars, and Mr. 
More, who is a little hard to blieve, burnt his finger to 
be certain it was no take in, and then we druv to the 
battle-ground whar our brave sogers in the last war 
giv the British sich a delightful evenin's entertainment. 
A old chap, what ses he fit in the battle in the British 
army, has got what he calls a observatory bilt on the 
spot, and tells peeple all sorts of a cock and bull story 
'bout how the thing tuck place, for a quarter of a 
dollar, and always has got a few musket-balls left, that 
wan picked up on the ground. He told us a dollar's 
worth of his experience, and we bought sum bullets 
of him, and then druv back to the ferry to go over on 
(he American side. 

On this side of the river ther is a pretty considerable 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 181 

of a (own, and the Yankee character is strikingly illus- 
trated by the way that they have sot the Niagary itsell 
to work for 'em, makin it turn saw-mills, grist-milLs 
and other machinery. I wouldn't be surprised much 
if they was to set the whole American Fall to drivin 
cotton-looms and spinnin-ginnies before long. 

We went to the old Curiosity Shop, as they call it, 
whar a feller has got a Niagary Falls in operation by 
machinery. The thing would do very well out in 
Pineville, but what upon yeath could possess a man to 
try to run opposition to sich a wonc'er, rite in hearin 
and in sight of the real cateract itself, is what stumps 
me. Nobody but a jennewine Yankee would ever un- 
dertake sich a thing. He don't charge nothin to see his 
Niagary, but makes a heap of money by selling Yankee 
made Ingin fixins, sich as moccasins, bead-bags, card- 
cases^ and a heap of fancy articles, such as the Ingins 
themselves never dreamed of makin. 

Then we crossed the bridge to Iris Island. After 
visitin the Biddle Staircase and the Cave of the Winds, 
and seein the American Fall in all its best views, we 
went to the Tarrapin Bridge and the Tower, whar ther 
was lots of ladys and gentlemen venturin about in 
places whar a cat-squirrel wouldn't be safe. 'Tween 
climbin rocks and wadin in the water and travelin 
about, I was beginnin to be pretty tired ; and after 
takin a view from the tower, we tuck a hack for the 
ferry, and by sun-down was at our hotel agin on the 
Canady side, whar our clever landlord had a fust rate 
supper reddy for us. 

The next mornin our red-headed coachman tuck uf^ 
down to Queenston, by way of the Great Whirlpool, 
which is the next greatest curiosity to the Falls. The 
river gits very narrow before it enters the whirlpool, 
whar it runs in and out at right-angles, and whirls 
round and round, and boils over ar.d over in its grate 
rock basin, vshat is sed to be more'n five hundred feel 
deep. 



182 MAjoPw Jones's travels. 

After takin a good look at the Whirlpool, we passed 
on to the Devil's Hole, and then to the Little Devil's 
Hole, and from thar to Queenston Ilighls, whar we 
stopped to take a look at Brock's Monument, what sum 
mean rascal tried to blow up durin the late rebellion. 
This was a butiful monument, standin in a butiful place, 
and it makes one sorry to see it busted and ruined as it 
is. The scoundrel what could be gilty of sich a mean 
act as the destruction of a monument to a brave man 
who shed his blood for his country, ain't fit to live 
among honorable men, and would be a disgrace to a 
nation of heathens. 

We walked from the monument down to Queenston, 
while our Jehu tuck our baggage to the bote that was 
to start in half a ower for Montreal. Queenston is a 
wondrous dull, dirty-lookin little place, what stands 
rite at the termination of the Highlands, through which 
the Niagary runs on its way from Lake Ery to Lake 
Ontario. The effect is strikin, after follerin the river 
from the Rapids above the Falls to this place, with the 
roar of its tumultuous waters constantly in one's ears, 
and the leapin, angry current constantly before one's 
eyes, to see it suddenly spread out its broad, smooth 
bosom in the quiet vale, as placid and calm as if 
its flow had been unobstructed from its source. Ther 
is indeed a " change cum over the sperit of its dream" 
at Queenston, and the traveller is monstrous apt to dis- 
cover that his thoughts is not wholly without sympathy 
with the stream. 

But I have tuck up a whole letter in tryin to hurry 
over 'bout seven miles. I'll try to travel further in my 
next. So no more from 

Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 

P. S. — I spose you know that they hain't got no 
Fourth of July in Canady, and I was so cumpletely 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 183 

tuck up with tne wonders of Niagary that I forgot ah 
about it. It's the fast tuDe in my life that that day 
ever missed a harty welcome from me, and I can't ac- 
count for it in no other way than bein in this beniteu 
country. 



]84 MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS. 



LETTER XX. 

New York, July 22, 1845. 

To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — Ther wasn't r.o 
grate rush of passengers like ther always is on the 
North River botes, and nobody didn't git nocked over- 
board in the confusion and hurry ment of gettin aboard 
of the Chief Justice Robinson. At the ring of the 
bell we was all on board, and a cumfortabler bote or a 
more obligin captain ain't afloat on river, lake, or sea^ 
than ours was. 

Ther ain't nothin very wonderful to be seed gwine 
down seven miles on the Niagary to Lake Ontario, 
except it is the Old Fort Niagary, what's been tuck 
and re-tuck, and capitilated and surrendered so often, 
'mong the French, the Ingins, the British, and the 
Americans, that it ain't very easy to make out who is 
got the best rite to it now. It's seed lively times in its 
day, that old place has; but it's monstrous lonesum 
now, and they say it's been hanted ever sense they put 
Billy Morgan in it for blowin the Masons. I hain't got 
much blief in ghost-stories, but they say it's a positiv 
fact, and that the pore old feller is to be seed every 
dark night, dodgin about the dark corners, with a 
taller-candle in his hand and a Free-mason's apron 
on, lookin hke he wanted to tell sumbody sumthina:; 
but evrybody's so 'fraid of him that he can't git r.o 
chance to tell his secret. One thing is very certain 
'bout Billy Morgan : if he couldn't keep the Mason's 
secret, lie keeps his own monstrous well. 

It was a bright sunshiny day, and the water of the 
lake as if it wanted to «how us how well it could 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 185 

behave itself, after its frollick among the rocks of the 
Niagary, was as still and quiet as a mill-pond. Our 
splendid steamer, with its British flag fly in — ^jest as 
natural as if it was the banner of a sovereign peeple 
and had a right to wave " over .he land of the free and 
the home of the brave," — went spankin along, on its 
way across the lake to Toronto, while the passengers 
amused tliemselves accordin to ther likin. Sum old 
codgers tuck a set-too 'bout politicks ; sum of the 
gentlemen red books and newspapers ; sum smoked 
ther segars, and sum promenaded with the ladys, while 
the liide ones went to playin romps on the deck, 
keepin ther mothers in a peck of troubles for fear they 
mouo;ht jump overboard, or brake ther necks climbin 
on the awnin-posts. 

We wasn't long gwine to Toronto, whar we only 
btopped long enutr to git into another bote, and in a 
tew mmits we was under way agin in the steambote 
^ Sovereign" of the " Royal Mail Line," as they called 
it, on our way down the lake to Kingston. 

The names of things begun to sound monstrous 
queer to my republican ears, and the red and gold 
crowns what was painted on the cabin dores, and 
was sticken about in different places on the bote 
w^har the eagle ought to be, looked odd enuff'; but I 
didn't find that they made the bote go any faster, or 
that my clothes got any tighter for me, because I was 
on a British Sovereign of the ruyal line gwine to 
Kingston. 

One don't see very much to interest him on the lake, 
as what little is to be seed on the shore is so far off* 
that we don't git much good of it. Hooper and ] 
passed the time very agreeable though, smokin our 
segars and talkin over what we had seed — now and 
then pickin up a little fun among the passengers. 
After tea, and when the moon was up, we was a good 
deal interested in a courtship what was gwine on, be- 
tween a young cupple from New York. It seemed 



186 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

that two very rich familys was tryin very hard to make 
a match between a Miss-Nancy sort of a son on one 
side, and a Liddy-Languish sort of a daughter on the 
other ; but neither of the young ones seemed to have 
sense enuff to know how to go about it. The old 
peeple gin 'em all the chance they could, and helped 
'em along now and then, but the young feller seemed 
to think more of his sorrel-colored whiskers, what 
grow'd all over his unmeanin face, than any thing else; 
and the gall, though she didn't seem to have no grate 
objections to the arrangement, wasn't willin, or didn't 
know how to do all the courtin. The old peeple 
managed to keep 'em together pretty well all day, only 
when the young spark went down now and then to git 
a jewlip ; and, in the evenin the feller's daddy made 
him go and sing to her; but sich singin I never heard 
before — half a ower of it was enuff to kill any young 
woman in the world. What effect it did have I can't 
say, but he kep it up 'bout six owers, 'thout stoppin to 
give the pore gall time to draw a long breth between 
his bominable songs. Once or twice the ingine blowd 
off the steam, when she couldn't hear his croakin, and 
it must really been a grate relief to her. At one 
o'clock we went to bed and left him singin the " Minit 
gun at Sea," to one of the awfulest sam tunes I ever 
heard. 

At six o'clock the next mornin we waked up at 
Kingston, and as we had but a few minits to stop 
before we tuck another bote to go down the Saint 
Lawrence, we hurried up into the town to see it. We 
had got most up to the grate stone Market Hoiise, 
what's big enuff for five or six sich towns, when the 
Stuard cum runnin after us to ask us if we hadn't left 
a watch on the bote. Shore enuff it was Hooper's 
gold watch the man had in his hand. WheL Hooper 
offered him a dollar for bringin it to him, he wouldn't 
take a cent, and away he went. 

' Very well," ses Hooper, " that watch is worth jest 



187 

one hundred and fifty dollars more to me, than if it had 
been left on a New York bote." 

After takin a look at the marKet-house, which is 
more like a castle than a place to sell meat and vege- 
tables, and which I expect was intended as much foi 
one as the other, we started for the garrison, to see the 
mornin parade of the sogers. When we got to the 
gates the 71st rigment of Highland Light Infantry was 
drillin in the square ; but as we went to walk in to see 
'em, a ugly-lookin customer, what was standin on gard 
at the gate, brung his bayonet down within 'bout three 
inches of my nose. 

"Take care," ses I, "Mister! what the thunder is 
you about?" 

He sort o' grinned, and didn't say nothin. 

Then Hooper walked upon tother side, and he poked 
his bayonet rite at him. 

"Ain't thar no admission?" ses Hooper. 

The feller shuck his hed. 

" He must be dum," ses Hooper. 

"Or maybe he talks Highland, and can't understand 
American," ses I. 

Jest then a chap with a red cap and sum extra but 
tons on his cote, cum to the gate, and told us that 
nobody wasn't allowed to cum in thar, and that we 
musn't talk to the sentinel on the post ; and the feller 
with the bayonet begun to walk up and down agin as 
stiff" as a handspike, and lookin savage as a meat-axe. 
By this time the ladys from the bote cum up, and 'fore 
they know'd thar wasn't no admission, they marched 
rite through the gate, and the gentlemen all follered 
'em. The feller with the bayonet looked monstrous 
sheepish, but even he couldn't charge bayonet on a 
plattoon of butiful American galls, and was compelled 
to surrender to charms such as he wasn't used to seein 
~n his own country. 

In a few minits after we went in, the rigment was 



188 MAJOPv Jones's travels. 

formed in line — the band struck up, an 1 away they 
marched over a bridge to the barracks on the other side 
of the river. I couldn't help but think, as I heard the 
cry of ther bag-pipes, and watched the sad counte- 
nances and mechanical movement of them pore sogers, 
what a sorry life ther's must be — away so far from ther 
homes and relations — givin ther lives to support a 
power that only tramples 'em under it's feet. But the 
monarchical institutions that makes slaves of white 
men, trains 'em to be contented in ther servile condi- 
tions, and teaches 'em to glory in the shallow glitter 
of a crown that is upheld by ther own sweat and 
blood. 

I would liked monstrous well to tuck a better look 
at Kingston, but we had no time to spare. After takin 
a short walk through one or two of the best streets, 
we went aboard of the steambote Canady, and at 
seven o'clock we was on our way down the Saint 
Lawrence. 

After passin Fort Henry, what looks a good deal 
like Governor's Island at New York, we was soon 
among the Thousand Islands, whar the waters of the 
Saint Lawrence seems to git lost, and runs in evry 
direction 'thout havin any shores at all. Sum of these 
islands is monstrous pretty — the fact is ther's a general 
assortment of 'em, of all shapes and sizes, and a man 
would have to be terrible hard to please if he couldn't 
find sum among 'em to suit his fancy. The water bein 
scattered all about so, hain't got much current, anrl 
runs still and deep, so the bote could pass close to ther 
sides. One minit w^e would be sailin by one big enuff 
for a plantation, and then agin we would be twisten 
about among sum that wasn't bigger than so many 
^ater hills. Who ever counted 'em must had a good 
deal of patience, but I reckon he wasn't far out of the 
way. If ther's one thers at least a thousand of 'em, 1 
do blieve. 



TRAVELS. 189 

You remember it was among these islands whar 
Coni::iodore Bill Johnson sot up for himself durin the 
Canady rebellion. Bill was a monstrous tall customer 
in his way, and gin the British a heap of trouble, 
robbin ther hen-roosts and pig-stys, and skeerin the 
wimmin and children out of ther senses with his 
Proclamations. They gin him sum terrible hard 
chases, but they mought as well looked for a needle 
in a shuck-pen, as to try to find him in sich a place, 
and so Bill weathered 'em out, and never was cotched. 
The Captain of the bote pinted out the place whar he 
burnt the steambote Robert Peel, and robbed all the 
passengers ; but he sed that " Fort Wallace," whar he 
used to date his Proclamations, was like Billy Morgan 
— nobody could tell what had cum of it. 

After gettin out of the thickest of the Islands, we 
cum to Brockville, whar the bote stopped for a few 
minits, and then we passed Prescott's Landin, and the 
captain pinted out sum old stone ruins what he sed 
was the place whar the British sogers fit the wind-mill, 
and tuck the patriots prisoners what they hung at Fort 
Henry. None of these towns along here on the 
Canady side ain't no grate shakes, and all of 'em 
makes a monstrous bad contrast with the smart bisness- 
lookin towns on the American side, showin plain enutf 
that our institutions is best calculated to promote the 
prosperity of the peeple. 

It was a very butiful day, and the scenery as we 
passed from Island to Island, and Lake to Lake, was 
very butiful. Sumtimes we could almost reach the 
branches of the cedar-trees from the deck of the bote, 
then agin we was in the middle of Lake Howe, or sum 
other lake whar we couldn't hardly see the shores. 
Most of the passengers was delightetl with the inte- 
restin objects that presented themselves in rapid succes 
sion. Jest before we got into the Rapids I happened 
to notice that New^ York chap what was court) n ^h** 



190 MAJOR JONES S TRAVELS. 

young lady — the river didn't have no curiosities for 
him — and thar he sot on the bench by the side of the 
pore gall, readin Shakspear to her, and actin it as he 
went along, while she was sleepin with her mouth wide 
open, and her green vale over her face to keep the flies 
off". Pore creatcr, he had sung her almost to deth the 
night before, and now he was recitin what little life she 
had left out of her. The bominable fool didn't know 
she was sleepin til she begun to snore pretty consider- 
able loud, and then he got up and shut up his book, 
and went and tuck sumthing to drink. Thinks I, if 
that's the way peeple courts in these parts, they'd stand 
a monstrous pore chance of gettin a wife among the 
Georgia galls. 

Bimeby we cum to the Long Sow Rapids, as they 
call 'em, and you may depend it don't take very much 
steam to go down 'em. It made the har stand on my 
hed to go whirlin eend for eend as we did down that 
racin current, whar the water runs so swift that it makes 
one's hed swim to look at it, and the bote jest takes 
her hed and goes whar and how she pleases in spite of 
all the paddle-wheels and rudder can do. Sumtimes, 
when we cum to a short turn, we would cum in a ace 
of runnin rite spang on the rock-shore, and the bote 
would slew over to one side like it was gwine to spill 
us all out, and the fust thing w^e would know^ while we 
w^as all hoidin our breth to keep from gettin drowmded, 
we would find ourselves gwine like a streak of lightnin, 
starn fust, down the next stretch. It was monstrous 
fine ridin, and the little boys and galls danced and 
clapped ther hands with joy, but the grown peeple 
wore monstrous long faces sumtimes, and opened ther 
eyes tight ; while the captain and the man at the wheel 
had ther hands full to keep the bote off the rocks. 
The captain sed it wouldn't been so bad if the wind 
hadn't blowd so hard down the river. 

After gettin through the Rapids, we had { little 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 191 

slower nnd safer travellln throiifrh L'c.ke Samt Francis 
to Cooto du Lack, whar we arriv a little after dark. 
Here we was to take stages, sixteen miles, to the Cas- 
cades. But they wasn't sich stages as w^e have in 
Georgy, not by a long shot. They was snmthing 
between a New York Omnibus and a Noa's Ark, and 
^vould carry 'bout as many passengers as either of 'em. 
Before the bote got to the landin the bell rung for the 
number of coaches it would take to carry us, and by 
the time we got on shore thar they all was, reddy to 
start. I don't know how many of us, men, wimmin, 
and children they stowed inside and on the top of 
each one of 'em, but six coaches, carried 'bout a 
hundred of us, bag and baggage, without the least 
difficulty. 

Hooper, and me, and five or six more, tuoiv seats on 
top, behind the drivers, so we could smoke our segars 
Pop went the whips, and in the next minit we was 
rollin along over a plank rode, at the rate of six miles 
a ow^er, as smooth as if we was in a ralerode car, and 
a monstrous sight comfortabler. It was the deliglitful- 
est travelin I ever had in my life. The plank rode 
was as level and as clean as a barn floor, and the little 
Canadian bosses trotted off with us, 'thout ever stoppiii 
or movin ther beds or tails out of the same position, 
durin the whole drive, only when we stopped twice to 
water. The scenery was butiful. On our right was 
the broad Saint Lawrence, shinin like a sheet of silvei 
in the moonlight, while evry now and then we could 
look down onto the roofs of the little vine-covered 
cabins what was dotted all along on I oth sides of the 
road, with ther little narrow fields lea lin back to the 
woods and hills on the left, or the river on the right. 
Now and then we would cum to a house bigger than 
the rest, what had shade- tiees and a big wooden 
cross out before the dore, whar the priests lived. 
B it evrybody was ^one to bed, and the little cot- 
12 



192 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

tages themselves seemed to be sleepm in the caUTi 
moonlight. 

Three owers — what didn't seem longer than one 
ower in a Georgia stage, whar the horses is v;adin 
nee-deep in the sand, and one don't hear the wheels 
more'n once or twice in a mile, when they happen to 
run over a pine root — brung us to the Cascades. After 
b^huckin out the passengers and baggage, and gettin all 
the children and band-boxes gethered up, they tuck 
us down a steep hill to the steambote, whar we went 
to bed. 

In the mornin, when we waked up, we found our- 
selves in the butiful Lake Saint Louis, on our w^ay to 
La Chin. We got up in time to see sum of the butiful 
islands — among 'em Nun's Island, what stands high 
out of the water, and is covered with houses and little 
plantations. On the highest part of the Nun's Island 
is a monstrous big cross, what we could see a long 
ways off, remindin us that we w^as in a Catholic coun- 
try. By seven o'clock we w^as at La Chin, whar we 
tuck sum more stages over a good rode, eight miles, to 
Montreal. 

This is another butiful country. The rode runs all 
the way through one contiimal string of cottages, what 
stands close by the rode, wdth little plantations 'bout as 
big as a good-sized Georgia turnip-patch, runnin down 
to the river on one side, and back to the Green Mount- 
ing of Montreal on the other. It was early in the 
mornin, and the peeple was jest gwine to 'ther w^ork ; 
and it was odd enuff to see the men with ther blue 
frocks, and ther red caps stickin on one side of ther 
beds, geerin up ther teams, and the pretty little 
barefooted French galls, with ther short petticotes, 
gwine to milk the cows. From the top of the stage 
we could look rite down into the chamber winders, 
and evry now and then I could see a pair of bright 
fyes peepin out through the mornin-glorys and trumpet- 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 193 

flowers at us. The whole eight miles was a panorama 
of buty, and glad as I was to see .Montreal, I woul.^ 
liked it very well if the rode had been a little 
longer. 

But the wheels of our coach was soon rollin ovei 
the wooden pavements of the city, and in a few minits 
more we found ourselves all safe and sound at the 
Exchange Hotel, with good appetites for our breckfusts 
So no more from 

Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones 



19 i MAJOR Jones's travels. 



LETTER XXI. 

New York, July 21, 18' 5 
To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — After brushin up t 
little and gettin a fust rate breckfust, we tuck a stroll 
through the town to see the curiosities. I could spend 
a week very well in this city, lookin about among the 
churches and nunneries and soger's quarters and other 
pubhc places, but as I didn't have no time to spare, I 
had jest to give evry thing a passin glance, 'thout 
stoppin long enuffto know much about it. Under sich 
circumstances you musn't expect me to give you much 
of a description of Montryal. 

If I was travelin like Mr. Dickens or Captain Marry- 
att, or any of them English travellers, jest to make a 
book for a peeple who is so blinded with prejudice 
that they can't see any thing but faults, it wouldn't 
make no difference whether I know'd much about the 
things I described or not; all I'd have to do would 
jest be to go ahed and find all the fault I could with 
evrybody, and with evry thing I heard of or seed 
sot down in the gide-books ; and the further I cum 
from the truth, so I went on the black side of it, 
Ihe better I would please. But I ain't a writin for 
.10 sich peeple, and I'm not gwine to find fault with 
what I don't know nothin about, jest for the sake of 
ault-findin. 

The fust place we went to was the grate French 
Cathedral in Notre Dame street, a regular Noah's Ark 
of a meetin-house you may depend, what holds twenty 
thousand peeple 'Jiout crowdin 'em, and takes two 
hundred and eighty-five steps to go to the top cf its 
towers. Ther was a grate many picters and sum wax 
figers in it, but ther names was all so outlandish 'iiat I 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 195 

couldn't make 'em out. After lookin about in the 
church for awhile, we went to the Grey Nunnery. 
Here we seed lots of nuns and sisters of charit} takin 
care of little children what had no fathers and mothers, 
and of sich peeple what had no money and no frenda 
to do for 'em. Then we went to the Hotel Dieu, what 
Maria Monk gives sich a terrible bad account of in her 
book ; then to the Bishop's Chapel, which is one of the 
finest churches on the Continent ; and then to the 
Parlyment House, whar the Canady peeple make sich 
laws as ther masters over the water don't care about 
troublin themselves with. The bildin ain't no grate 
shakes, compared to what sum of our state capitols is, 
but it's rigged off in mighty fine style inside, with red 
velvet and gold-leaf, to keep the peeple in mind of 
w^hat monstrous fine peeple ther Royal masters is. The 
gentleman what show'd is in, pinted out the portraits 
of sum of the kings am queens and other grate charac- 
ters what was hangin jout, and ax'd us if we would 
like to take a seat on die throne whar the representa- 
tive of British majesty sot on grate occasions. Rather 
than to make him feel bad, w^hen he was so perlite 
and obligin to us, I tuck a seat for a minit, and I 
couldn't help but think how I w^ould like to give 
the castin vote on a proposition to annex Canady to 
the United States. Sich a measure of human emanci- 
pation would be worth all the laws ever made in that 
house. 

From the Parlyment House we went to the barracks 
whar the sogers was. Ther was a everlastin lot of 
'em — in fact they was all over the city, and ther red 
cotes and shinin bayonets was to be seen at evry cor- 
ner, in evry street and evry ally. They may be sed to 
be the strildn feater of Canady — and one can't help but 
wonder what upon yeath England can want of territory 
what takes sich a terrible lot of money and sogers to 
keep it. What a difference, too, ther is in the sogers' 
>de in Canady and in our country. While our sogers 



196 MAJOR JONES's TRAVELS. 

is arnied and fed to protect the peeple, their's is put 
thar to subject the peeple who supports 'em. It's enufl 
to make a man's blood bile, to see them swarms oi 
grate lazy hulks sunin themselves about on the pave- 
ments, and Icungin round ther quarters, w^aitin like 
blood-hounds jest to be sot loose on the pore peeple, 
to tear 'em to pieces for the bone that they git from the 
table of ther masters. And the pore devils ain't very 
well kept nuther, for I seed lots of 'em without the 
sign of a pair of trouses to ther legs any more'n a 
Seminole Ingin, and with nothin but a sort of red-plad 
huntin shirt on, that jest cum down to ther nees. 

In the afternoon w^e tuck a drive round the mounting 
to see the guvernor's house, and at five o'clock in 
the evenin tuck passage in the steambote Queen for 
Quebeck. The scenery on the Saint Lawrence was 
very butiful, and we sot up til twelve o'clock to see 
Saint Peter's Lake. About seven o'clock the next 
mornin we arriv at Quebeck, and druv to Payne's 
Hotel in the Place de Armes. 

The fust place I wanted to go to was the famous 
Gibralter of America, the fortress of Quebeck; but 
Mr. Payne sed we'd have to wait til he could git a 
permit for us to visit the Citadel ; so we tuck a calash 
and went out to the Plains of Abraham, wdiar the grate 
battle was fit what lost France her Northern possesshuns 
in America. I don't remember to what Saint the gate 
we went out at belonged, but that doesn't matter — a 
Frenchman tuck us to the Plains, whar w^e had a quiet 
view of that place whar so much gallantry was dis- 
played, and so much blood spilled on the 14th of Sep- 
tember, 1759. It's a butiful place to fight a battle, and 
I can't see what ever possessed the brave Montcalm 
with his undisciplined troops, to give Wolf and his 
British regulars battle thar, when he mought have 
defended himself so much better in his works, even 
poor and weak as they was then. It was a hard piece 
of bisr.ess, that contest, in which France lost her Gene- 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 197 

ral and her cause ; and though the English may try til 
dooms-day to make the French Canadians forgit the 
injustice they have suffered, by givin ther Cathohc 
churches all sorts of priviliges, and by bildin monu 
ments, like they have in the Palace Gardin' with Wolf's 
name on one side and Montcalm's on the other, tryin to 
make the honors of that day easy between 'em, — they 
never can make loyal, contented subjects out of 'em as 
long as Cape Diamond stands whar it does. While 
they're in the reach of British bayonets they don't make 
any fuss, but rebellion is stickin out of 'em all over, 
and the fust right good chance they git they'll give ther 
conquerors plenty to do to keep 'em under. If any- 
body wants any proof of ther bad feelins agin the 
British, jest let 'em look at Wolf's Monument what 
stands on the spot whar he fell. The w^ords " here 
DIED Wolf victorious," that was cut deep in the 
soUd marble, is pecked and battered so, rite in sight 
of the sentry on the w^alls of the citadel, that if it 
wasn't for the gide-book nobody could tell what was 
on it. Every countryman that crosses over the Plains 
with a basket of eggs for the market, gives it a pelt 
with a stone, til the whole side of the monument is 
almost nocked off. 

After dinner w^e got a permit to go in the citadel, but 
they sent a sargeant whh us, who watched us all the 
time like he was 'fraid we was gwine to tetch off the 
powder-magazine or spike ther cannons. We musn't go 
here, and strangers wasn't 'lowd to go thar ; and if we 
went to go up on sum of ther batteries, as they called 
'em, voices would cum from evry loop-hole and look-out, 
to tell us we musn't go thar. They seemed to be dreadful 
'fraid we'd find out sumthing. It's a monstrous stanchious 
place, and commands one of the finest views in the 
world. One looks down upon the noble Saint Law- 
rence at his feet, and over the minerets and towers of 
the churches, and the roofs of the old and curious-lookin 
stone houses of the upper town, and on the other side, 



198 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

at the ruins of more'n a thousand houses in the Saint Rock 
District, beyond which the butiful Saint Charles winds 
its way to mingle its w^aters with the waters of the Saint 
Lawrence in the grate basin below, after which they 
flow away together til they find the sea. All together, 
Quebeck is a curious and interestin place. It looks like 
it belonged to another Continent and to another age of 
the world ; and when one looks upon its power and its 
buty, and remembers that it stands on the boundry of 
civilization, close to the edge of the wild, unexplored 
wilderness that extends northward to the regions of 
everlastin freeze-to-deth, he is apt to exclaim with the 
poet — " Time's noblest empire is the last." 

Sum of the officers — who we found to be monstrous 
clever fellers, though sum of 'em was dredful green — 
invited us to see a grand review on the Esplanade. It 
was a very considerable of a show, and convinced me 
that the British sogers is under fust rate discipline ; but 
I couldn't help but think how terribly they would git 
ther fethers siled in a Ingin campain in the hammocks 
of Florida. We spent the evenin in walkin about 
through the streets lookin at the public bildins and 
odd-lookin houses. 

********* 

The next day was Sunday, and we went to the 
French Cathedral, what w^as so full that it was sum 
time before we could git through the crowd of men 
and wimmin that was settin on the steps and away out 
in the street, stringin beads and talkin Lattin to them- 
selves. Bimeby a man cum and tuck us into a fust 
rate seat, whar we could see and hear all that was 
gwine on. Ther was any number of priests dressed 
out in red, white, and black pettycotes, and lots of 
organ-musick, singin and pre.achin ; but the only word 
[ understood the whole time was '^ Kebeck, Kebeck," 
'vhich run all through the sermon. 

About five o'clock we tuck passage in the Queen 



TRAVELS. 199 

agin fG{- Montryal, whar we arriv the next mornin about 
breckfust time. As no bote didn't leave til evenln, we 
tuck another round through Montryal, and spent the 
time very agreeably til five in the evenin, when we 
started ii. the Prince Albert for La Prairy, on our way 
home. 

The steambote Prince Albert ain't no compliment to 
the Queen's husband ; and if his highness's popilarity 
in Canady is to be estimated by the quality of the bote 
they have named after him, one would suppose that he 
didn't stand very high among the loyal Canadians. It 
ain't much bigger than a New York ferry-bote, and its 
accommodations is but little better. Ther was a good 
many passengers, most of 'em Irish emmygrants what 
had cum to Canady, and was now cumin over into the 
States. Pore peeple, they was all huddled up together, 
bag and baggage, on the forecastle, and wasn't 'lowed 
to take the air on the deck no more'n if they'd been so 
many cattle. My hart aked for one pore family. The 
man was dyin with the ship-fever, while his wife and 
children and young sister, a butiful girl about sixteen, 
was v.'eepin over him. He lay on the deck on a coarse, 
dirty mattrass, his pore wife supportin him while the 
tears poured down her pale cheeks, and his dyin hed 
was rocked to its last sleep on her heavin bosom. His 
sister was neelin by his side and bathin his parched lips 
with water mingled with her tears, and the two oldest 
children, little girls, was clingin round him, cryin as if 
ther harts would brake. The youngest child, a fat little 
boy 'bout two years old, wnth cheeks as red as the apple 
he had in his hand, looked at his dyin father and then 
at his mother, as if he spected sumthing was the matter ; 
but the pore little feller was a stranger to the bitter sor- 
row that was agonizin the harts of that mournin group. 

The emmygrants made as much room round the dyin 
man as they could, to give him air, and sum of 'em 
tried to console the family. The sister tuck the cross 
what she wore rounc her neck, and put it to her brotner'? 



200 MAJOR Jones's travels. 

lips — he kissed it and tried to speak, and thm closed 
his eyes. In a minit after I s(«3d him gaspin for bieth, 
and a loud scream from the wimmin told that he was ded. 

The peeple laid him strait in the bed, whar he re- 
mained til the bote arriv at La Parairy. 

" It was hard," sed one of the emmygrants as they 
was leavin the bote, " that pore Dennis should die wid- 
out ever puttin his fut in Amirica." 

"Ah!" ses another, "he's gone to a better place, 
rest his soul !" 

At La Parairy we tuck the cars for St. John's, leavin 
the pore wife to berry her ded husband in a strange 
land ; but I couldn't go til I had gin her a dollar to help 
her in her ower of distress. The look she gin me was 
more than a recompense for all the good actions I ever 
done in my life. 

The steambote Saranack tuck us through Lake 
Champlain, whar we seed sum of the finest scenery 
and interestin places, among the rest the ruins of old 
Fort Ticonderogy what Ethen Allen tuck from the 
British by sich high authority in the Revolutionary war. 
Durin the .day we stopped to git sum wood at a place 
called Burlington, in Vermont, and Hooper and me 
went ashore to look at the place. But w^e hadn't got 
more'n ten steps from the bote when we seed a thun- 
derin grate big sign stickin up over the rode, with " No 
Smokin allowd here!" " Cus the place," ses Hooper, 
who had a segar in his mouth, " Majer, let's shake the 
dust from our feet and go back to the bote ; I can't 
trust myself in the hands of no peeple what would 
stick up sich a sign as that at a steambote landin," — 
and back we went. 

After gwine aboard, the fust thing that tuck my atten- 
tion was a chap what was rootin round among the bag- 
gage after sumthing. I didn't like his looks much, so I 
jest Kcp my eye on him to see what the feller was after. 
Bimeby I seed him grab hold of my trunk. Thmks I 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 201 

that's makin rayther too free, and ses I — '' What upon 
yeath is you up to, Mister, with my crunk ?*' 

^' Is that your trunk ?" ses he. 

*' Vv ell,"" ses I, " I reckon it ain't nobody elses." 

*' Very well," ses he ; " I jest wanted to know what 
was in it, that's all." 

"The mischief you do!" ses I ; " I'd like to know 
what bisness you've got with what's in my trunk." 

" I spose ther ain't nothin contraband in it," ses he. 

" What the thunder's that?" ses I. 

" Why, nothin smuggled." 

Smugglin means stealin, down in Georgia, and when 
he sed that my dander was up in a mi nit. I looked at 
the feller w^iat was beginnin to grin all over his face, 
and ses I — 

*' Do you mean to insiniwate the likes of that to me, 
/ you infernal, irnperent cus ?" 

»' Cum, cum. Mister," ses he, " it ain't no use to git 
into no passion. The law's the kuv, and ther ain't no 
use tryin to git round it." 

^^ril tell you what," ses I, "I don't know nothin 
about your law out in these parts ; but I know one thing, 
and that is, if you jest insiniwate to me that I'm a thiet; 
or that I've got any thing what don't belong to me in 
my trunk, I'll histe you overboard off this bote 'fore 
you can have time to say yer prayers." 

And I was jest gettin reddy to phch into the oudacious 
cus, when Hooper cum up and tuck hold of me — 

" Shaw, Majer," ses he, "don't git riled— it's the 
custom " 

" Cus ther customs," ses I ; " I know it's a Yankee 
custom to meddle with evrybody's bisness but ther own. 
But I'll larn 'em better than to interfere with my 
consarns." 

" It's the custom-house officer, I mean," ses Hooper, 
" what wants to see all right with the baggage, to keep 
peeple from cheatin the government. It's only the 
tariff bisness what you whigs voted for at the last elec 



202 MAJOR JOXES'S TRAVELS. 

tion. It's p.-otection, Majer ; and I'm sure you're too 
good a whig to make a rumpus about it." 

By this time I begun to see into the bisness, and of 
course I hadn't nolhin more to say. Bat you may de- 
pend I was hot for a few minits ; and what made it 
worse, the custom-house officer, as he called himself, kep 
all the time laughin at me like he would bust his sides. 

We shuck hands, however, and made evry thing strait. 
He didn't open my trunk when I told him that it didn't 
have nothin in it but my clothes, and sum curiosities 
what I'd picked up in my travels ; but you may depend, 
whenever he cum across a Dutchman or any outlandish 
foreigner with a big trunk, he made 'em show" up. 
And, shore enuff, he cum across one feller what had a 
trunk full of English broadcloths and silks, what he was 
tryin to smuggle into the States. The officer tuck 'em 
all from him, and how they settled it I don't know ; but 
the feller was quite as much out of humour with the 
officer as I was. 

After runnin Lake Champlain out to the little eend 
of nothin, til ther wasn't water enuff to float a bread- 
tray, and we had to dodge the boat along among the 
hay-cocks that the peeple w^as makin in the marsh- 
meadow what we was gwine through, we cum to a 
place called White Hall, about four o'clock in the 
evenin. Here we tuck a canal-bote for Mechanics- 
ville. 

In the fore part of the evenin, while we was all on 
deck, evry thing went on pretty well, except 'bout evry 
live mmits we would cum to a bridge, when we would 
all have to drap down flat on the deck ; and bein as it 
was covered with men, wimmin, and children, as thick as 
we co^dd stand, the dodgin was rather awkward bisness, 
and bmng us sumtimes in rather close contact with 
stran^^e passengers. 

One old feller what w^as a little hard of hearin, and 
was bissy talkin politicks with his back turned the rong 
way, didn't hear the word "Bridge!" and the fust 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 203 

thing he knowd, kerslosh he went heels over hed, rite 
into the water. It was monstrous well for him that it 
wasn't no deeper, or he'd never had another vote in 
this world — for he couldn't swim a lick, and the hoses 
was so pore and hard in the mouth that it tuck 'em 
'bout ten minits to take in sail, so as to stop the bote. 
The captain got him out though, and the old chap went 
below for the balance of the ni'ght. 

* * * * * «- * * * * 

They packed us into hammocks, as they called 'em, 
to sleep — but I'd been monstrous glad to exchanged 
mme for the worst hammock in Florida. It was nothin 
more than a layer of canvass, then a passenger, then a 
layer of dirty sheet, then another layer of canvass, 
and then another layer of passenger and another sheet, 
and so on to the top. Ther was no sich thing as turnin 
over 'thout nockin yer nees into the ribs of the man 
above you, and when you was once packed in, ther 
was no gettin out til mornin. I never cum so near 
suffocatin in my hie, and never was so anxious to see 
the break of day before. The wimmin and children 
was all packed into one eend of the bote, with nothin 
but a blanket betw^een us and them; and sich other 
musick I never heard before — it was worse than a con- 
cert of cats all night. 

'Bout sunrise we got to the place whar we tuck the 
cars for Troy. Here we tuck a steamer to Albany, and 
from Albany we wasn't long cumin to New York in the 
Knickerbocker. 

So here I am, and by the time you hear from me 
agm I will be home in old Georgia. No more at pre- 

s(^nt from 

Your frend til deth, 

Jos. Jones. 



204 MAJOR Jones's travels. 



LETTER XXII. 

Pineville, August 6, 1845. 

To Mr. Thompson : — Dear Sir — Once more I tal<- 
my pen to tell you that I arriv here safe and sound la^t 
Friday night. Nothin didn't happen in the jurney from 
New York to Pineville out of the usual course of tra- 
vellin incidents, and to tell the truth, after I sot my face 
for home, nothin of a common nater — nothin short of a 
terrible railrode collision or the bustin of a steambote 
biler could tuck my mind off from thinkin of the joys 
that was waitin me at home. * # * * 

Pore Mary couldn't hardly contain herself for joy, at 
seein me once more ; and old Miss Stallins had to have 
a fit of the highstericks, jest to show how glad she was. 
The galls all tuck on monstrous, and 'tween bringin the 
old woman to, and kissin the baby and Mary, and 
shakin hands with the niggers and nabors, and tellin 
evrybody 'bout my travels, I hain't had time to do 
nothin else ever sense I cum home. * * * 

Nothin of importance hain't tuck place on the planta- 
tion sense I left, only the deth of pore old Moma. She 
died 'bout three weeks ago, leavin her dyin blessin for 
me. Pore old creter, she w^as very sorry she couldn't 
see me before she died. Well, she's out of her troubles 
now, and I have the satisfaction to know that she never 
was treated bad, and never suffered for any thing while 
she lived ; and as sumthing bad always has to happen 
when a body's away from home, I spose I ought to be 
satisfied that it's no worse than it is. I'm certain that 
no one on the plantation was better prepared or more 
willin to go than good old Moma, and no one could 
Deen so well spared by us all. * * * * 

The crap looks fust rate, and the stock is all in good 
order, and evry thing looks like good attention had 



MAJOR Jones's travels. 205 

been paid to it by the overseer, who ses he tiam't got 
no complaints to make agin none of the niggers except 
old Saul, what sot the woods afire in one of his possum- 
hunts, and burnt 'bout twenty panels of fence. Old 
Saul always was the most bominable possum-hunter and 
fish-trapper I ever seed in my life ; but he's too old to 
quarrel with him now, and besides, he's a monstrous 
good old feller. Sum of the little niggers has been 
cuttin up sum antics, and had to have a little buckin to 
keep 'em from spilin 'fore I cum home. But on the 
whole things has gone on much better than I expected, 
and I've made a proclamation of a general pardon for 
all offences, and gin 'em all the presents what I bought 
for 'em in New York. 

If you could see Prissy with her New York riggins 
on, you would think she was the proudest nigger in 
Georgia. She don't want to do nothin now but go to 
church and take the baby out a visitin the nabors. 
Little Henry Clay's grow'd a heap and can begin to 
talk rite smart, and with his new-fashioned Knicker- 
bocker cote on, and his red velvet cap with a gold 
tossel on it, what I brung from New York for him, he 
is the cuninest-lookin little feller you ever did see. 

The galls is all tickeled to deth with ther new- 
fashioned brestpins, and Mary likes her dresses fust 
rate, only she ses they are too expensive, and won't 
do to wear until next winter. Pore gall, she ses she 
never did think she loved me so much til I was away 
from her, and she ses she wouldn't let me go agin noi 
for all the world. Would you blieve it, Mr. Thomp- 
son, she fell away more'n ten pounds while I was gone, 
jest grievin about me. Her mother ses she never did see 
anybody take on so, specially when she red in the paperi 
'bout any railrode accidents or steambote explosions. 

Well, it's all over now, and I don't think we will 
ever be separated agin. Give me home after all. I've 
travelled more'n four thousand miles — I've seed sum 
fourteen states, and more'n five hundretl cities and 



203 MAJOR JOXES'S TRAVELS. 

towns — Fve seed the northern peeple, in ther cities, ii 
ther towns and in the country, and though I've got a 
good deal better opinion of 'em sense I've been among 
'em a little, than I had afore, still I say, give me old 
Georgia yet. We hain't got so many cities, nor sich 
fine ones — we hain't got so much public improvements 
nd all them sort o' things — but we've got a plenty of 
vry thing that is necessary to make us independent and 
happy. We've got as fine a soil, a finer climate, as 
smart men, and liandsumer wimmin than any other 
country in the world, and nothin can hinder us from 
bein one of the greatest states in the Union, if we go to 
work as we ought to, and develop our own resources. 

I blieve a jurney to the North is calculated to do a 
southern man a grate deal of good, if he goes thar in 
the rite sperit and for the rite purpose. He will see 
thar a grate deal to be proud of as a American, and 
much to be ashamed of as a white man. He will find 
all sorts of peeple thar — sum that is examples of patriot- 
ism, intelHgence, and enterprise, and sum that ain't no 
manner of account on the face of the yeath, only to kick 
up a eternal rumpus and keep the world in a everlastin 
stew about ther new^-fangled fooleries ; and though, as 
a peeple the Northerners is very different from us in a 
grate many things, the majority of 'em is actuated by 
the same impulses, and is strivin on for wealth and 
power like all the rest cf the world. Ther's a good 
deal of ignorance and prejudice at the North, to be 
shore, specially about matters what don't consarn ther 
own interests ; but it is to be hoped that whar ther is 
so much patriotism and intelligence, they will sum dav 
larn to mind ther own bisness, and leave other peeple's . 
consarns to be reguhted by ther own consciences and 
ther own judgments. Hopin that we may both live to 
see that diy, I sign myself 

Your frend til deth, Jos. Jones. 

THE END. 




CATALOGUE OF BOOKS 

PUBLISHED BY 

T. B. PETERSON and BROTHERS, 

PHILADELPHIA, PA,, 
And for sale by all Booksellers. 



B^" Any of tlie books named In this Catalognc, will 
be sent by mail, to any one, to any place, at once, 
post-paid, on remitting the price of the ones wanted to 
T. B. PETEUSOX & BROTHERS, Pliiladelpbiar Pa. 



Cheapest Book House in m World 

Is at the Publishing and Bookselling Establishment of 

T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS, 
No. 306 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia, Pa. 

OH^ 

T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS, Philadelpliia, are the American publishers of 
the popular and fast-selling books written by Mrs. Emma D. E. N. Southworth, 
Mas. Ann S. Stephens, Mrs. Caroline Lee Hkntz, Miss Eliza A. Dupuy, Mrs. C. 
A. Warfield, Mrs. Henry Wood, Q. K. P. Doesticks, Emerson Bennett, T. S. 
Arthur, George Lippard, Hans Breitmann (Charles G. Leland), James A. Mait- 
LAND, Charles Dickens, Sir Walter Scott, Charles Lever, Wilkie Collins, 
Mas. C. J. Newhy, Justus Liebig, W. H. Maxwell, Alexander Dumas, Georgb 
W. M. Reynolds, Samuel Warren, Henry Cockton, Fredrika Bremer, T. 
Adolphus Trollope, Madame George Sand, Eugene Sue, Miss Pardoe, Frank 
Fairlegh, W. H. Ainsworth, Fkank Forrester (Henry W. Herbert), Miss 
Ellen Pickering, Captain Marryatt, Mrs. Gray, G. P. R. James, Henry Mor- 
FOUD, Gustave Aimarp, and hundreds of other authors ; as veil a** of Dow's Patent 
Sermons, Humorous American Books, and Miss Leslie's, Miss Widdifield's, The 
Young Wife's, Mrs. Goodf^llow's, Mrs. Hale's, Petersons', The National, 
Fmancatelli's, The Family Save-All, Queen of the Kitchen, and all the best 
and popular Cook Books published. 

T. B. PETE!{S()N & BROTHERS take pleasure in calling the attention of the 
entire Reading Community, as well as of all their Customers, and every B( okseller, 
News Agent, and Book Buyer, as well as of the entire Book Trade everywhere, to 
the fact that they are now publishing a large number of cloth and paper-covered 
Books, ill very attractive style, including a series of 25 cent, 50 cent, 75 cent, $i.Ol\ 
^1.50, $1.75, and S2.0U Books, in new style covei-s and bindings, making them larg» 
books for the money, and bringing them before the Reading Public by liberal ad- 
vertising. They are new boolcs, and are cheap editions of the most popular and most 
saleable books published, are written by the best American and English authors, and 
are presented in a very attractive style, printed from legible type, on good ])aper, 
and are especially adapted to suit all who love to read good books, as well as for all 
General Reading, and they will be found for sale by all Booksellers, and at Hotel 
Stands, Railroad Stations and in the Cars. They are'in fact the most popular series 
of works of fiction ever published, retailing at 25 cents, 50 cents, 75 cents, $1.00, $1.50, 
ftl.75, and $2.00 each, as they comprise the writings of the best and most popular 
authors in the world, all of which will be sold by us to the trade at very low prices, 
Vnd also at retail to everybody. Send for a Catalogue of these books at once. 

;9S=- Enclose a draft for five, ten, twenty, fifty, or one hundred dollars, or more, to 
as in a letter, and write for what books you wish, and on receipt of the money, or a 
satisfactory reference, the books will be packed and sent to you at once, in any way 
you may direct, with circulars and show-bills of the books to post up. 

4S=- All Books named in Petersons' Catalogue will be found for sale by all Book- 
gellers, or copies of any one book, or more, or all of them, will be seni, to any one, at 
once to any place, per mail, post-paid, or free of freight, on remitting the retail prico 
of the books wanted to T. B. PETERSON «fe BROTHERS, Philadelphia. 

4(®" WANTED. — A Bookseller, News Agent, or Canvasser, in every city, town or 
viUag.' on this Continent, to engage in the sale of Petersons' New and Popular 
Fast Selling Books, on which large sales, and large profits can be made. 

J$^ Booksellers, Librarians, News Agents, Canvassers, Pedlers, and all other per- 
sons, who may want any of Petersons' Popular and Fast Selling Hooks, will pleas* 
address their orders and letters, at once, to meet with immediate attention, to 

T. B. PETEKSON & BROTHEPvS, Publishers, 
8 306 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia, Pa." 



T B. PETERSON m BROTHERS' NEW BOOKS. 

Booksellers, News Agents, and all others in want of good and fast- 
selling books will please send in tkeir orders at once. 



]6mILE ZOLA'S NEW AND GREAT WORKS. 

L'Assommoir. By Emile Zola. The Greatest Novel ever printed. Price 

75 eents in paper cover, or SI. 00 in morocco cloth, black and gold. 
The Markets of Paris; or, Le Ventre de Paris. By Emile Zola. Price 

75 cents in paper cover, or $1.25 in morocco cloth, black and gold. 
The Conquest of Plassans ; or, La Conquete de Plaaaans. By Emile Zola. 

Price 75 cents in paper cover, or $1.25 in cloth, black and gold. 
The Rougon-Macquart Family ; or, La Fortune Dea Jiuuyon. By Eunle 

Zola. Price 75 cents in paper cover, or $1.25 in clotb, black and gold. 
The Abbe's Temptation ; or, La Faute De L'Abbe Mouret. By Emile Zola. 

Price 75 cents in paper cover, or $1.25 in cloth, black and gold. 
Helene, a Love Episode; or, Uue Piuje D' Amour. By Emile Zola. 

Price 75 cents in paper cover, or $1.25 in morocco cloth, black and gold. 

HENRY GREVILLE'S GREAT NOVELS. 

Dosia. A Euasian Story. By Henry Griville, author of " Markof." 
Philom&ne's Marriages. With Author's Preface. By Henry OrivtUe^ 
Pretty Little Countess Zina. By Henry Greville, author of "Dosia. 
Marrying OS a Daughter. A Lave Story. By Henry Griville. 

Above are in paper cover, price 75 cents each, or in cloth, at $1.25 each. 

Saveli's Expiation. A Powerful Nov >1. By Henry Gr6ville. 
Dournof. A Russian Story. By Hen fy Greville, author of "Dosia. 
Bonne-Marie. A Tale of Normandy &nd Paris. By Henry Greville. 
A Friend ; or, " L'Arai." By Henry G reville, author of " Dosia." 
Sonia. A Love Story. By Henry Gr^ rille, author of " Dosia." 
Gabrielle; or, The House of Maureze. By Henry Greville. ^ 

Above are in paper cover, price 50 coi.ts each, or in cloth, at $1.00 each. 
Markof, the Russian Violinist. A Rassian Story. By Henry Grevilla 

One large volume, 12mo., cloth, price $1.50, or paper cover, 75 cents. 

MRS. BURNETT'S LOVE STORIES. 

Kathleen. A Love Story. By Mrs. Frances Hodgson Burnett. 
A Quiet Life. By Mrs. Frances Hodgson Burnett, author of " Theo.' ^^ 
Miss Crespigny. A Charming Love Story. By author of" Kathleen.' 
Theo. A Love Story. By autbor of " Kathleen," " Miss Crespigny,' otQ 
Pretty Polly Pemberton. By author of " Kathleen," " Theo," etc. 

Above are in p:iper cover, price 50 cents each, or in cloth, at $1.00 each. 
Jarl's Daughter and Other Tales. By Mrs. Burnett. Price 25 cents. 
Lindsay's Luck. By Mrs. Frances Hodgson Burnett. Price 25 cents. 



Above Books wiU be sent, postage paid, on receipt of Retail Pric^ 
by T. B. Peterson & Brothers, Philadelphia, Pa. (A) 



T. B. PETERSON andJBROTHERS' NEW BOOKS. 

BY AUTHOR OF "A HEART TWICE WON." 

A Heart Twice "Won ; or, Second Love. A Love Story. By Mrs. Eliza- 
beth Van Loon. Morocco cloth, black and gold. Price $1.50. 

Under the Willows; or, The Three Countesses. By Mrs. Elizabeth Van 
Loon, author of "A Heart Twice Won." Cloth, and gold. Price $1.50. 

The Shadow of Hampton Mead. A Charming Story. By Mrs. Elizabeth 
Van Loon, author of "A Heart Twice Won." Cloth. Price $1.53. 

NEW AND GOOD BOOKS BY BEST AUTHORS. 

The Earl of Mayfield. Sixth Edition Noio Ready. Complete in one 
large duodecimo volume, morocco cloth, black and gold, price $1.50. 

The Last Athenian. By Victor Rydberg. Translated from the Swedish. 
Large 12mo. volume, near 600 pages, cloth, black and gold, price $1.75. 

The Count de Camors. The Man of the Second Empire. By Octave 
Ftuillet. Price 75 cents in paper cover, or $1.25 in morocco cloth. 

Major Jones's Courtship. Author's New, Jiewritten, aitd Enlarged Edi- 
tion. By Major Joseph Jones. 21 Illustrations. Price 75 cents. 

Rancy Cottem's Courtship. By author of *' Major Jones's Courtship.** 
Authors Edition. 8 Illustrations. Price 50 cents. 

Angele's Fortune. By Andre Theuriet. Paper cover, 75 cents, cloth $1.25. 

St. Maur; or, An Earl's Wooing. Paper cover, 75 cents, cloth $1.25. 

NEW BOOKS BY THE VERY BEST AUTHORS. 

The folloioing books are all printed on tinted paper, and are each issued in 

uniform style, in square 12mo. form. Price Fifty Cents each in Paper 

Cover, or $1.00 each in Morocco Cloth, Black and Gold. 

The Little Countess. By Octave Feuillet, author of " Count De Camors." 

The Amours of Phillippe; or, Phillippc's Love Affairs, by Octave Feuillet. 

Sybil Brotherton. A Novel. By Mrs. Emma D. E. N. Southworth. 

The Red Hill Tragedy. By Mrs. Emma D. E. N. Southworth. 

Fanchoo" the Cricket; or, La Petite Fadette. By George Sand. 

Carmen* By Prosper Merimee. Book the Opera ukis dramatized from. 

Miss Margery's Roses. A Charming Love Story. By Ptobert C. Meyers. 

The Days of Madame Pompadour. By Gabrielle De St. Andre. 

Father Tom and the Pope; or, A Night at the Vatican. Illustrated. 

Madeleine. A Charming Love Story. Jules Sandeau's Prize Novel. 

Madame Pompadour's Garter. A Romance of the Reign of Louis XV. 

A Woman's Mistake; or, Jacques de Trevannes. A Charming Love Story. 

The Story of Elizabeth. By Miss Thackeray, daughter of W. M.Thackeray. 

The Matchmaker. By Beatrice Reynolds. A Charming Love Story. 

Two Ways to Matrimony ; or. Is it Love? or, False Pride. 

That Girl of Mine. By the author of '' That Lover of Mine." 

Bessie's Six Lovers. A Charming Love Story. By Henry Peterson. 

That Lover of Mine. By the author of That Girl of Mine." 
Above are in paper cover, price 50 cents each, or in cloth, at $1.00 each. 



j^* Above Books will be sent, postage paid, on Receipt of Retail Price, 
by T. 3. Peterson & Brothers, Philadelphia, Pa. {\\\) 



T. B. PETERSON and BROTHERS^BLICATIONS. 

er Orders solicited from Booksellers, Librarians, News Agents, 
and all others in want of good and fast-selling books. .^ 



MRS EMMA D. E. N. SOUTHWORTH'S WORKS. 




The Spectre Lov , ^ 

Victor's Triumph, 1 '5 

A Beautiful Fiend. 1 J^ 

The Artist's Love, 1 75 

A Noble Lord, 1 75 

Lost Heir of Linlithgow, 1 7o 

Tried for her Life, 1 7o 

Cruel as the Grave, 1 75 

The Maiden Widow, 1 75 

The Family Doom, 1 75 

The Bride's Fate, 1 75 

The Changed Brides, 1 75 

Fallen Pride, } 75 

The Widow's Son, 1 75 

The Bride of Llewellyn, 1 75 

The Missing Bride; or, Miriam, the Avenger, 

Above are each in cloth, or each one is m paper cover, at ^l.oU eacn. 

MRS. CAROLINE LEE HENTZ'S WORKS. 

Oreen and Gold Edition. Complete in Uoelve volumes, in green morocco cloth. 
Green ""^^.J^.'^'l^ j^^,/, . ^r $21.00 a set, each set is put up m a neat box. 

Ernest Lin wood, $1 75 

The Planter's Northern Bride,.. 1 75 
Courtship and Marriage, 1 75 



Prince of Darkness, 1 75 

The Three Beauties, 1 75 

Vivia; or the Secret of Power, 1 75 

Love's Labor Won, 1 75 

The Gipsy's Prophecy, 1 75 

Retribution, 1 75 

The Christmas Guest, 1 75 

Haunted Homestead, 1 75 

Wife's Victory, J '^ 

Allworth Abbey, ] 7o 

India ; Pearl of Pearl lliver,.. 1 i 5 

Curse of Clifton, J 75 

Discarded Daughter, J 7& 

The Mystery of Dark Hollow,.. 1 7& 
1 75 



Rena; or, the Snow Bird....... 1 75 

Marcus Warland, I 75 

Linda ; or, the Younz Pilot of the 



Love after Marriage, SI 75 

Eoline; or Magnolia Vale, 1 i_^ 

The Lost Daughter, 1 ^^ 

The Banished Son, J '5 

Helen and Arthur, J JO 

Belle Creole, ] ^a 



Robert Graha.u; the^Sequel to "Linda; or Pilot o/ Belle Creole^ 
Above are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at ?l.oO eacn. 



1 75 



^•Above Books will be sent, postage paid, on receipt of RetaU Pricft 
by T. B. Peterson & Brothers, Pkiladeltbia, Pa. (.ij 



2 T. B. PETERSON & BEOTHERS' PUBLICATIONS. 
MRS. ANN S. STEPHENS' WORKS. 



Jhmplete in Uvmiy-three largf, duodecimo volumes, hound in morocco cloth, gilt bach 
price $1.75 each ; or $i0.'25 a s«t, each set is put up in a neat box. 

The Soldiers' Orphans, $1 75 

A Noble Woman, 1 75 



PTorston's Rest, $1 75 

Bertha's Engagement, 1 75 

Ballehood and Bondage, 1 75 

The Old Countess, 1 75 

Lord Hope's Choice, 1 75 

The Reigning Belle, 1 75 

Palaces and Prisons, 1 75 

Married in Haste, 1 75 

Wives and Widows, 1 75 

Ruby Gray's Strategy, 1 75 



Silent Struggles, I 76 

The Rejected Wife, 1 75 

The Wife's Secret, 1 75 

Mary Derwent, 1 75 

Fashion and Famine, 1 T5 

The Curse of Gold, 1 75 

Mabel's Mistake, 1 75 

The Old Homestead, 1 75 



Doubly False,.... 1 75 | The Heiress,.... 1 75 | The Gold Brick,... 1 75 
Above are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at $1.50 each. 

MRS. C. A. WARFIELD'S WORKS. 

(hmplete innine large duodecimo volumes, bound in morocco cloth, gilt back, prict 
$1.75 each; or $15.75 a set, each set is put up in, a neat box. 

the Cardinal's Daughter, $1 75 Miriam's Memoirs, $1 75 

Feme Fleming, 1 75 Monfort Hall, 1 75 

The Household of Bouverie,.,.. 1 75 Sea and Shore 1 7.5 

A Double Wedding, 1 75 | Hester Howard's Temptation,,. 1 75 

Xady Ernestine; or. The Absent Lord of Rocheforte, 1 74 

BEST COOK BOOKS PUBLISHED. 

Every housekeeper should possess at least one of the following Cook Books, as they 
would save the price of it in a week's cooking. 

The Queen of the Kitchen. Containing 1007 Old Maryland 

Family Receipts for Cooking, Cloth, $1 75 

Misa Leslie's New Cookery Book, Cloth, 1 75 

Mrs. Hale's New Cook Book, Cloth, 1 75 

Petersons' New Cook Book, Cloth, 1 75 

Widdifield's New Cook Book, Cloth, 1 75 

Mrs. Goodfellow's Cookery as it Should Be, Cloth, 1 75 

The National Cook Book. By a Practical Housewife, Cloth, 1 75 

The Young Wife's Cook Book, Cloth, 1 75 

Miss Leslie's Now Receipts for Cooking, Cloth, 1 75 

Mrs. Hale's Receipts for the Million, Cloth, 1 75 

The Family Save-All. By author of " National Cook Book," Cloth, 1 76 
f rancatelli's Modem Cook. With the most approved methods of 
French, English, German, and Italian Cookery. With Sixty-two 

Illustrations. One volume of 600 pages, bound in morocco cloth, 5 00 



1^" Above Books will be sent, postage paid, on receipt of Retail Pxibe. 
by T. B. Peterson & Brothers, Philadelphia, Pa. 



T. B, PETERSON & BROTHERS' PUBLICATIOKS. 3 

m — — ^__ 

MISS ELIZA A. DUPUY'S WORKS. 

Vom.'plett infourteeM large duodecimo vr.lumes, hniind in mnrncco cloth, gilt back, pri<» 

$1.75 each; or $24.50 a set, each set is put up in a neat box. 
A New Way to Win a Fortune $1 75 



The Discarded Wife, I 75 

The Clandestine Marriage, 1 75 

The Hidden Sin, 1 75 

The Dethroned Heiress, 1 75 

The Gipsy's Warning, 1 75 

All For Love, 1 75 



Why Did He Marry Her ? $1 75 

Who Shall be Victor? 1 75 

The Mysterious Guest, 1 75 

Was He Guilty? 1 7S 

The Cancelled Will, 1 74 

The Planter's Daughter, 1 75 /^ 

Michael Rudolph, 1 76 



Above are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at $1,60 each. 

DOESTICKS' WORKS. 

Complete in four large duodecimo volumes, bound in cloth, gilt back, price $1.7S 
each ; or $7.U0 a set, each set is put uj) in a neat box. 

Doesticks' Letters, $1 75 I The Elephant Club, $1 75/ 

Plu-Ri-Bus-Tah, 1 75 | Witches of New York, 1 75 

Above are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at $1.50 each. 

JAMES A. MAITLAND'S WORKS. 

Complete in seven large duodecimo volumes, bound in cloth, gilt back, price $1.75 
each ; or $12.25 a set, each set is put up in a neat box. 

The Watchman, $1 75 I Diary of an Old Doctor, $1 75 i^ 

The Wanderer, 1 75 Sartaroe, 1 75 

The Lawyer's Story, 1 75 ' The Three Cousins 1 75 

The Old Patroon ; or the Great Van Broek Property, 1 75 

Above are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at $1.50 each. 

T. ADOLPHTJS TROLLOPE'S WORKS. 

Complete in seven large duodecimo volumes, bound in cloth, gilt back, price $1.75 
each ; or $12.25 a sety each set is put up in a neat box. 

The Sealed Packet, $1 75 I Dream Numbers $1 75 

Garstang Grange, 1 75 | Beppo, the Conscript, 1 75 

Jjeonora Casaloni,... 1 75 | Gemtua,, 1 75 [ Marietta, \ 76 

Above are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at $1.50 each. 

FREDRIKA BREMER'S WORKS. 

Omtpltte m six large duodecimo volumes, bound in cloth, gilt back, price $1.T* ««#A ; 
or $10.50 a set, each set is put up in a neat box. 

Father and Daughter, $1 75 I The Neighbors, $1 71 

The Four Sister.s 1 75 I The Home, 1 7* 

Abov« are ench in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at $1.50 each. 
Life in the Old World. In two volumes, cloth, price, 3 50 



1^* Above Books will be sent postage paid, on receipt of Retail ?rt«^ 
by T. B. Peterson & Brothers, Philadelphia, Pa. 



i T. B. PETEESOIT & BEOTHEBS' PUBLICATIOITS. 

— - — ■ — — -4 

WILKIE COLLmS' BEST WORKS. 

Basil; or, The Crossed Path..$l 60 | The Dead Secret. 12mo $1 50 

Above are each in one large duodecimo volume, bound in cloth. 

The Queen's Revenge, 75 

Miss or Mrs? 60 

Mad Monkton, 50 



The Dead Secret, 8vo 75 

Basil; or, the Crossed Path, 75 

Hide and Seek, 75 



After Dark, 75 I Sights a-Foot, c 60 

The Stolen Mask, 25 | The Yellow Mask,... 25 | Sister Rose,..,, 25 

The above books are each issued in paper cover, in octavo form. 

FB,ANK EOBRESTEE'S SPORTIK"G BOOK. 

\ Frank Forrester's Sporting Scenes and Characters. By Henry Vi il- 
liam Herbert. With Illustrations by Darley. Two vols., cioth,...$4 00 

EMEESOH BENITETT'S WORKS. 

Complete in seven large duodecimo volumes, ommd in cloth, gilt hack, price $1.75 
each ; or $12.25 a set, each set is put up in a neat box. 

The Border Rover, $1 75 I Bride of the Wilderness, $1 75 

Clara Moreland, 1 75 | Ellen Norbury, I 75 

The Orphan's Trials, 1 75 i Kate Clarendon, 1 75 

Viola; or Adventures in the Far South-West, 1 75 

Above are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at $1.50 each, 
the Heiress of Bellefonte, 75 \ The Pioneer's Daughter, 75 

GREEN'S WORKS OH GAMBLING. 

Pomplet€ in four large duodecimo volumes, bound in cloth, gilt back, pricb $1.75 
eacli ; or $7.00 a set, each set is imt tip in a neat boon, 

>. Gambling Exposed $1 75 i Reformed Gambler, $1 75 

\Ihe Gambler's Life, 1 75 | Secret Band of Brother.-^, 1 75 

Above are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at $1.50 each. 

BOW'S PATENT SERMONS. 

Complete in four large duodecimo volumes, bound in cloth, gilt back, price $1.60 
each ; or $6.00 a set, each set is put up in a neat box. 



Dow's Patent Sermons, 1st 
Series, cloth, $1 50 

Dow's Patent Sermons, 2d 
Series, cloth 1 60 



Dow's Patent Sermons, 3d 
Series, cloth, $1 fiO 

Dow's Patent Sermons, 4th 
Scries, cloth, 1 60 



Above are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at $1.00 each, 

MISS BRADBON'S WORKS. 

Aurora Floyd, 75 I The Lawyer's Secret, 25 

Aurora Floyd, cloth 1 00 | For Better, For Worse, 7fl 



f^ Above books will be sent, postage paid, on receipt of Ketail Pricfr 
by T. B. Peterson & Brothers, PMladelpiiia, Pa. 



6 T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS' PUBLICATIONS. 



CHARLES LEVER'S BEST WORKS. 

Charles O'Malley, 75 Arthur O'Leary, 75 

Harry Lorrequer, 75 Con Cregan, 75 

Jack Hinton, 75 Davenport Duun, 75 

Tom Burke of Ours, 75 Horace Templeton, 75 

Knight of Gwynne, 75 Kate O'Donoghue, 75 

Above arc in paper cover, or a fine edition is in cloth at $2.00 each. 

A R^nt in a Cloud, 50 | St. Patrick's Eve, 58 

Ten Thousand a Year, in one volume, paper cover, $1.50; or in cloth, 2 00 
The Diary of a Medical Student, by author " Ten Thousand a Year," 76 

MRS. HENRY WOOD'S BEST BOOKS. 

The Shadow of Ashlydyat, $1 58 

Squire Trevlyu's Heir, I 50 

Oswald Cray, 1 50 

Mildred Arkell, 1 50 

The Red Court Farm, 1 50 

Sister's Folly, 1 50 

Saint Martin's Eve, 1 50 



Th-g Master of Greylands, $1 50 

Wiihin the Maze, 1 50 

Dene Hollow, 1 50 

Bessy Rane, 1 50 

George Canterbury's Will, 1 50 

Verner's Pride, 1 50 

The Channings, 1 50 

Roland Yorke. A Sequel to " The Channings,' 1 ^^ 

Lord Oakburn's Daughters ; or. The Earl's Heirs, 1 5 

Ihe Castle's Heir; or. Lady Adelaide's Oath, ..........._ 1 5U 

The above are each in paper cover, or in cloth, price $1.75 each. 

Edino,; or. Missing Since Midnight, cloth, $1, paper cover, 75 

The Mystery 75 A Life's Secret, 5J 



Parkwater. Told in Twilight, 75 

The Lost Bank Note, 50 

The Lost Will, 50 

Orville College, 60 

Five Thousand a Year, 25 

The Diamond Bracelet, 25 

Clara Lake's Dream, 25 

The Nobleman's Wife, 25 

Frances Hildyard, 25 

Cyrilla Maude's First Love,... 25 

My Cousin Caroline's Wedding 25 



The Haunted Tower 50 

The Runaway Match, 25 

Martyn Ware's Temptation, 25 

The Dean of Denham, 25 

Foggy Night at Offord, 25 

William Allair, 25 

A Light and a Dark Christmas, 25 

The Smuggler's Ghost 25 

Rupert Hall, 26 

My Husband's First Love, 25 

'Marrying Beneath Your Station "'^ 



25 



EUGENE SUE'S GREAT WORKS. 

The Wandering Jew, $1 50 

The Mysteries of Paris, 1 50 

Martin, the Foundling, 1 50 

Above are in cloth at $2.00 each. 



First Love, 

Woman's Love, .... 
Female Bluebeard, 
Man-of-War's-Man, 



Life and Adventures of Raoul de Surville. A Tale of the Empire, 



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T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS' PUBLICATIONS. 7 

•- — . 

MRS. HENRY WOOD'S BEST BOOKS, IN CLOTH. 

The following are cloth editions of Mrs. Henry Wood's best books, and they 
are each issued in large octavo volumes, bound in cloth, price $1.75 each. 

Within the Maze. By Mrs. Henry Wood, author of " East Lynne," $1 76 

The Master of Greylands. By Mrs. Henry Wood, 1 75 

Dene Hollow. By Mrs. Henry Wood, author of" Within the Maze," 1 75 
Bessy Rane. By Mrs. Henry Wood, author of The Channings,".... 1 75 
George Canterbury's Will. By Mrs. Wood, author "Oswald Cray," 1 75 
The Channings. By Mrs. Henry Wood, author of ** Dene Hollow,"... 1 75 

Roland Yorke. A Sequel to " The Channings." By Mrs. Wood, 1 75 

Shadow of Ashlydyatt. By Mrs. Wood, author of " Bessy Rane,".... 1 75 
Lord Oakburn's Daughters; or The Earl's Heirs. By Mrs. Wood,... 1 75 
Verner's Pride. By Mrs. Henry Wood, author of " The Channings," 1 75 
The Castle's Heir; or Lady Adelaide's Oath. By Mrs. Henry Wood, 1 75 
Oswald Cray. By Mrs. Henry Wood, author of " Roland Yorke,".... 1 75 

Squire Trevlyn's Heir; or Trevlyn Hold. By Mrs. Henry Wood, 1 76 

The Red Court Farm. By Mrs. Wood, author of " Verner's Pride," 1 75 
Elster's Folly. By Mrs. Henry Wood, author of " Castle's Heir,"... 1 75 
St. Martin's Eve. By Mrs. Henry Wood, author of "Dene Hollow,"! 75 
Mildred Arkell. By Mrs. Henry Wood, author of "East Lynne," 1 75 

WORKS BY THE VERY BEST AUTHORS. 

The following books are each issued in one large duodecimo volumes 
hound in cloth, at $1.75 each, or each one is inpaper cover, at $1.50 each. 

The Initials. A Love Story. By Baroness Tautphoeus, $1 75 

Married Beneath Him. By author of " Lost Sir Massingberd," 1 75 

Margaret Maitland. By Mrs. Oliphant, author of "Zaidee," 1 75 

Family Pride. By author of " Pique," "Family Secrets," etc 1 75 

Self-Sacrifice. By author of " Margaret Maitland," etc 1 75 

The Woman in Black. A Companion to the "Woman in White," ... 1 75 

The Autobiography of Edward Wortley Montagu, I 75 

The Forsaken Daughter, A Companion to "Linda," 1 75 

Love and Liberty. A Revolutionary Story. By Alexander Dumas, 1 75 

The Morrisons. By Mrs. Margaret Hosmer, 1 75 

The Rich Husband. By author of " George Gcith," 1 7.* 

Woodburn Grange. A Novel. By William Howitt, 1 75 

The Lost Beauty. By a Noted Lady of the Spanish Court, 1 75 

My Hero. By Mrs. Forrester. A Charming Love Story, 1 75 

The Quaker Soldier. A Revolutionary Romance. By Judge Jones,.... 1 75 

Memoirs of Vidocq, the French Detective. His Life and Adventures, 1 75 

The Belle of Washington. With her Portrait. By Mrs. N. P. Lasselle, 1 75 

"High Life in Washington. A Life Picture. By Mrs. N. P. Lasselle, 1 76 
Above books are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at $1.50 eaoh 



• » o- 



^^ Above Books will be sent, postage paid, on Receipt of Retail Prio» 
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« T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS' PUBLICATIONS. 
WORKS BY THE VERY BEST AUTHORS. 

Tke following books are each issued in one large duodecimo volume^ 
'kound in cloth, at $1.75 each, or each one is in paper cover at $1.50 each. 

The Count of Monte-Cristo. By Alexander Dumas. Illustrated,...$l 75 
The Countess of Monte-Cristo. Paper cover, price $1.00 ; or cloth,.. 1 75 

Camille; or, the Fate of a Coquette. By Alexander Dumas, 1 75 

Love and Money. By J. B. Jones, author of the " Rival Belles,"... 1 75 
The Brother's Secret ; or, the Count De Mara. By William Godwin, 1 75 
The Lost Love. By Mrs. Oliphant, author of " Margaret Maitland," 1 75 
The Roman Traitor. By Henry William Herbert. A Roman Story, 1 75 

The Bohemians of Lond'on. By Edward M. Whitty, 1 75 

Wild Sports and Adventures in Africa. By Major W. C. Harris, 1 75 
Courtship and Matrimony. By Robert Morris. With a Portrait,... 1 75 

The Jealous Husband. By Annette Marie Maillard, 1 75 

The Life, Writings, and Lectures of the late " Fanny Fern," 1 75 

The Life and Lectures of Lola Montez, with her portrait, 1 75 

Wild Southern Scenes. By author of "Wild Western Scenes," 1 75 

Currer Lyle J or, the Autobiography of an Actress. By Louise Reeder. 1 75 

The Cabin and Parlor. By J. Thornton Randolph. Illustrated, 1 75 

The Little Beauty. A Love Story. By Mrs. Grey, 1 75 

Lizzie Glenn ; or, the Trials of a Seamstress. By T. S. Arthur, 1 75 

Lady Maud ; or, the Wonder of Kingswood Chase.- By Pierce Egan, 1 75 

Wilfred Montressor ; or. High Life in New York. Illustrated, 1 75 

The Old Stone Mansion. By C. J.Peterson, author "Kate Aylesford," 1 75 
Kate Aylesford. By Chas. J. Peterson, author " Old Stone Mansion,". 1 75 

Lorrimer Littlegood, by author " Harry Coverdale's Courtship," 1 75 

The Earl's Secret. A Love Story. By Miss Pardee, 1 75 

The Adopted Heir. By Miss Pardee, author of "The Earl's Secret," 1 7o 
Coal, Coal Oil, and all other Minerals in the Earth. By Eli Bowen, 1 75 

Secession, Coercion, and Civil War. By J. B. Jones, 1 75 

Above books are each in cloth, or each one is in papercover, at $1.60 each. 

The Dead Secret. By Wilkie Collins, author of " The Crossed Path," 1 50 

The Crossed Path; or Basil. By Wilkie Collins, 1 50 

Indiana. A Love Story. By George Sand, author of " Consuelo, 1 50 
Jealousy : or, Teverino. By Geoijge Sand, author of " Consuelo, etc. 1 50 
Six Nights with the Washingtonians, Illustrated. By T. S. Arthur, 3 50 
Comstock's Elocution and Model Speaker. Intended for the use of 
Schools, Colleges, and for private Study, for the Promotion ot 
Health, Cure of Stammering, and Defective Articulation. By 
Andrew Comstock and Philip Lawrence. With 236 Illustrations.. 2 00 
iChe Lawrence Speaker. A Selection of Literary Gems in Poetry and 
Prose, designed for the use of Colleges, Schools, Seminaries, Literary 
Societies. By Philip Lawrence, Professor of Elocution. 600 pages.. 2 00 

< • • » > 

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T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS' PUBLICATIONS. 9 
ALEXANDER DUMAS' WORKS, BOUND IN CLOTH. 

f he following are cloth editions of Duma a' and Reynolds' woi^ks, and they art 

each issued in large octavo volumes, bound in cloth, price $1.75 each. 

The Three Guardsmen ; or. The Three Mousquetaires. By A. Dumas,$l 75 

Twenty Years After; or the "Second Series of Three Guardsmen,"... 1 75 

Bragelonne; Son of Athos ; or " Third Series of Three Guardsmen," 1 75 

The Iron Mask; or the " Fourth Series of The Three Guardsmen,".... 1 73 
Louise La Valliere; or the "Fifth Series and End of the Three 

Guardsmen Series," 1 75 

The Memoirs of a Physician. By Alexander Dumas. Illustrated,... 1 75 

Queen's Necklace; or " Second Series of Memoirs of a Physician " 1 75 

Six Years Later; or the " Third Series of Memoirs of a Physician," 1 73 

Countess of Charny ; or "Fourth Series of Memoirs of a Physician," 1 75 

Andree De Taverney ; or *' Fifth Series of Memoirs of a Physician," 1 76 
The Chevalier; or the "Sixth Series and End of the Memoirs of a 

Physician Series," 1 75 

The Adventures of a Marquis. By Alexander Dumas, 1 75 

The Count of Monte-Cristo. By Alexander Dumas, 1 75 

Edmond Dantes. A Sequel to the " Count of Monte-Cristo," 1 75 

The Forty-Five Guardsmen. By Alexander Dumas. Illustrated,... 1 75 

Diana of Meridor, or Lady of Monsoreau. By Alexander Dumas,... 1 75 

The Iron Hand. By Alex. Dumas, author "Count of Monte-Cristo," 1 75 

Camille; or the Fate of a Coquette. (La Dame aux Camelias,) 1 75 

The Conscript. A novel of the Days of Napoleon the First, 1 75 

Love and Liberty. A novel of the French Revolution of 1792-1793, 1 75 

GEORGE W. M. REYNOLDS' WORKS, IN CLOTH. 

The Mysteries of the Court of London. By George W. M. Reynolds, 1 75 
Rose Foster; or the "Second Series of Mysteries of Court of London," 1 75 
Caroline of Brunswick; or the " Third Series of the Court of London," 1 75 
VenetiaTrelawney; ov " End of the Mysteries of the Court of London," 1 75 

Lord Saxondale; or the Court of Queen Victoria. By Reynolds, 1 75 

Count Christoval. Sequel to "Lord Saxondale." By Reynolds, 1 75 

Rosa Lambert; or Memoirs of an Unfortunate Woman. By Reynolds, 1 75 
Mary Price; or the Adventures of a Servant Maid. By Reynolds,... 1 75 
Eustace Quentin. Sequel to " Mary Price." By G. W. M. Reynolds, 1 75 
Joseph Wilmot; or the Memoirs of a Man Servant. By Reynolds,... 1 75 
The Banker's Daughter. Sequel to "Joseph Wilmot." By Reynolds, 1 75 
Kenneth. A Romance of the Highlands. By G. W. M. Reynolds, 1 75 

Rye-House Plot; or the Conspirator's Daughter. By Reynolds, 1 75 

Necromancer; or the Times of Henry the Eighth. By Reynolds, 1 75 

The Mysteries of the Court of the Stuarts. By G. W. M. Reynolds, 1 75 

Wallace; the Hero of Scotland. By G. W. M. Reynolds, 1 75 

The Gipsy Chief. By George W. M. Reynolds, 1 75 

Robert Bruce j the Hero King of Scotland. By G. W. M. Reynolds, 1 75 

Above Books will be sent, postage paid, on receipt of Retail Pricey 
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10 T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS' PUBLICATIONS. 



WORKS BY THE VERY BEST AUTHORS. 

Tlie folloicing books are each issued in one large octavo volume, hound «* 
cloth, at $2.00 each, or each one is done tq) in ixiper cover, at $1.50 each. 

Tho "Wandering Jew. By Eugene Sue. Full of Illustrations, $2 0« 

Jlysteries of Paris ; and its Sequel, Gcrolstein. By Eugene Sue,.... 2 00 

Martin, the Foundling. By Eugene Sue. Full of Illustrations, 2 00 

Ten Thousand a Year. By Samuel "Warren. With Illustrations,.... 2 00 

Washington and His Generals. By George Lippard,.. 2 00 

The Quaker City; or, the Monks of Monk Hall. By George Lippard, 2 00 

Blanche of Brandywino. By George Lippard, 2 00 

Paul Ardenheim; the Monk of Wissahiekon. By George Lippard,. 2 00 
The Mysteries of Florence. By Geo. Lippard, author " Quaker City," 2 00 

The Pictorial Tower of London. By W. Harrison Ainsworth, 2 50 

Above books are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at $1.50 each. 
The following are each issued in one large octavo volume, hound in cloth, price $2.04 
each, or a cheu}) edition is issued in paper cover, at lb cents each. 

Charles O'Malley, the Irish Dragoon. By Charles Lever, Cloth, $2 00 

Harry Lorrequer. With his Confessions. By Charles Lever,.. .Cloth, 2 00 

Jack Hinton, the Guardsman. By Charles Lever, Cloth, 2 CO 

Davenport Dunn. A Man of Our Day. By Charles Lever,. ..Cloth, 2 00 

Tom Burke of Ours. By Charles Lever, Cloth, 2 00 

The Knight of Gwynno. By Charles Lever, Cloth, 2 00 

Arthur O'Leary. By Charles Lever, Cloth, 2 00 

Con Cregan. By Charles Lever, Cloth, 2 00 

Horace Templeton. By Charles Lever, Cloth, 2 00 

Kate O'Donoghue. By Charles Lever, Cloth, 2 00 

Valentine "\^ox, the Ventriloquist. By Harry Cockton, Cloth, 2 00 

Above are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at 75 cents each. 

\^,— HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATED WORKS. "^--^ 

/x. Each one is full of Illustrations, hij Felix 0. C. Darhy, and hound in Cloth, ^ 

/ Major Jones' Courtship and Travels. With 21 Illustrations, $1 75 

^^^ Mnjor Jones' Scenes in Georgia. With 10 Illustrations, 1 75 



V '^ Simon Suggs' Adventures and Travels. With 17 Illustrations, 1 75 

^^^ Swamp Doctor's Adventures in the South-West. li Illustrations,... 1 60 

^'^ Col. Thorpe's Scenes in Arkansaw. With 16 Illustrations, 1 50 

'***-^ The Big Bear's Adventures and Travels. With 18 Illustrations, 1 75 

'^'^-^ High Life in New York, by Jonathan Slick. With Illustrations,.... 1 75 

Judge Haliburton's Yankee Stories. Illustrated, 1 75 

^''■^^Harry Coverdale's Courtship and Marriage. Illustrated, 1 75 

'^-^ Piney Wood's Tavern ; or, Sam Slick in Texas. Illustrated, 1 75 

V^ Sam Slick, the Clockmaker. By Judge Ilaliburton. Illustrated,... 1 75 

Humors of Falconbridge. By J. F. Kclley. With Illustrations, ... 1 75 

Modern Chivalry. By Judge Brcckenridgo. Two vols., each 1 75 

"Neal's Charcoal Sketches. By Joseph C. Neal. 21 Illustrations,... 2 50 

1^° Above Books will be sent, postage paid, on receipt of Retail Priw 
by T. B. Poterson & Brothers, Philadelphia, Pa. 



T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS' PUBLICATIONS. 11 



NEW AND GOOD BOOKS BY BEST AUTHORS. 

Beautiful Snow, and Other Poems. Neio Illustrated Edition. By J. W. 
Watson. With Illustrations by E. L. Henry. One volume, morocco 
cloth, black and gold, gilt top, side, and back, price $2.00; or in 
maroon morocco cloth, full gilt edges, full gilt back, full gilt sides, $3 00 
The Outcast, and Other Poems. By J. W. Watson. One volume, 
green morocco cloth, gilt top, side and back, price $2.00 ; or in ma- 
roon morocco cloth, full gilt edges, full gilt back, full gilt sides, ... 3 00 
The Young Magdalen; and Other Poems. By Francis S. Smith, 
editor of " The New York Weekly." With a portrait of the author. 
Complete in one large volume of 300 pages, bound in green mo- 
rocco cloth, gilt top, side, and back, price $8.00; or in full gilt,.... 4 00 
Hans Breitmann's Ballads. By Charles G. Leland. Containiiuf the 
''First," '^Second," " Third," "Fourth," and "Fifth Series" of Bans 
Breitmann's Ballads. Complete in one large volume, bound in 
morocco cloth, gilt side, gilt top, and full gilt back, with beveled 

boards. With a full and complete Glossary to the whole work, 4 00 

Meister Karl's Sketch Book. By Charles G. Leland. (Hans Breit- 
mann.) Complete in one volume, green morocco cloth, gilt side, 
gilt top, gilt back, with beveled boards, price $2.50, or in maroon 

morocco cloth, full gilt edges, full gilt back, full gilt sides, etc., 3 50 

The Ladies' Guide to True Politeness and Perfect Manners. By 

Miss Leslie. Every lady should have it. Cluth, full gilt back,... 1 75 
The Ladies' Complete Guide to Needlework and Embroidery. With 

113 illustrations. By Miss Lambert. Cloth, full gilt back, 1 75 

The Ladies' Work Table Book. With 27 illustrations. Cloth, gilt,. 1 50 
Cyrilla; or the Mysterious Engagement. By author of " Initials," 1 00 

The Miser's Daughter. By William Harrison Ainsworth, cloth, 1 75 

John Jasper's Secret. A Sequel to Charles Dickens' " Mystery of 

Edwin Drood." With 18 Illustrations. Bound in cloth, 2 00 

Across the Atlantic. Letters from France, Switzerland, Germany, 

Italy, and England. By C. H. Haeseler, M.D. Bound in cloth,... 2 00 

Popery Exposed. An Exposition of Popery as it was and is, 1 75 

The Story of Elizabeth. By Miss Thackeray, paper $1.00, or clotli,... 1 50 
Dow's Short Patent Sermons. By Dow, Jr. In 4 vols., cloth, each.... 1 50 
Wild Oats Sown Abroad. A Spicy Book. By T. B. Witmer, cloth,... 1 50 
Aunt Patty's Scrap Bag. By Mrs. Caroline Lee Ilentz. Illustrated, 1 50 
Historical Sketches of Plymouth, Luzerne Co., Penna. By Hendrick 
B. Wright, of Wilkesbarre. With Twenty-five Photographs, 4 00 

HARRY COCKTON'S BEST WORKS. 



Valentine Vox, Ventriloquist,.. 75 

Valentine Vox, cloth, 2 00 

Sylvester Sound, 75 

The Love Match, 75 



The Fatal Marriages, 75 

The Stewar.l, 75 

Percy Effingham, 75 

The Prince, 75 



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NEW AND GOOD BOOKS BY BEST AUTHORS. 

Consuelo. By George Sand. One volume, 12mo., bound in cloth,...$l 50 
The Countess of Rudolstadt. Sequel to " Consuelo." 12mo., cloth,.. 1 50 

Hose Foster. By George W. M. Reynolds, Esq., cloth,... ...•••;/- ] '^ 

Lord Montagu's Page. By G. P. R. James, author of " Cava her, ... 1 75 
Corinne: or, Italy. A Love Story. By Madame de Stacl, cloth,.... 1 Oft 

Treason at Home. A Novel. By Mrs. Greenough, cloth............... 1 7S 

Letters from Europe. By Colonel John W. Forney. Bound in cloth, 1 7» 

Frank Fairlegh. By author of " Lewis Arundel," cloth, 1 to 

Lewis ArundeL By author of " Frank Fairlegh," cloth,.... ........... 1 7» 

Harry Racket Scapegrace. By the author of '• Frank lairlegh, cloth, 1 75 

Tom Racquet. By author of " Frank Fairlegh," cloth, 1 75 

La Gaviota; the Sea-Gull. By Fernau Caballero cloth,.... ... ..... 1 50 

Monsieur Antoine. By George Sand. Illustrated. One vol cloth, 1 00 
Aurora Floyd. By Miss Braddon. One vol., paper 7o cents, cloth,... 1 00 
The Life of Charles Dickens. By R. Shelton Mackenzie, cloth ...... ^ 00 

The LaTfs and Practice of the Game of Euchro, as adopted by the 
Euchre Club of Washington, D. C. Bound in cloth,. ............... 1 00 

Poetical Works of Sir Walter Scott. One 8vo. volume fine binding, 5 OO 
Life of Sir Walter Scott. By John G. Lockhart. With Portrait,.. . 2 50 
The Shakspeare Novels. Complete in one large octavo volume, cloth, 4 00 
Miss Pardoe's Choice Novels. In one large octavo volume, cloth,... 4 00 
Life, Speeches and Martyrdom of Abraham Lincoln. Illustrated,... 1 7& 
Rome and the Papacy. A History of the Men, Manners and Tempo- 

ral Government of Rome in the Nineteenth Century, cloth 1 T* 

The French, German, Spanish, Latin and Italian Languages Vi ithout 
a Master. Whereby any one of these Languages can be learned 

without a Teacher. By A. H. Monteith. One volume, cloth, 2 00 

Liebic^'s Complete Works on Chemistry. By Baron Justus Liebig... 2 09 
Life a°nd Adventures of Don Quixote aud his Squire Sancho Panza, 1 7* 
Tan-go-ru-a. An Historical Drama, in Prose. By Mr. Moorhead,.... 00 
The Impeachment Trial of President Andrew Johnson. Cloth,.... 1 50 
Trial of the Assassins for the Murder of Abraham Lincoln. Cloth, 1 50 
Lives ofJackSheppard and Guy Fawkes. Illustrated. One vol., cloth, 1 /5 
Christy and White's Complete Ethiopian Melodies, bound in cloth 1 00 
Dr. Ilollick's great work on the Anatomy and Physiology of the 
Human Figure, with colored dissected plates of the Human Figure, 2 00 

Corastock's Colored Chart. Being a perfect Alphabet of the Eng- 
lish Language, Graphic and Typic, with exercises in Pitch, lorco 
and Gesture, and Sixty-Eight colored figures, representing the va- 
rious postures and different attitudes to be used in declamation. 
On a large Roller. Every School should have a copy of it,. ........ 5 UO 

iddell's Model Architect. With 22 large full page colored ilkis- 
traiions, and 44 plates of ground plans, with plans, spocificatioos 
costs of building, etc. Ono largo quarto volume, bound, lo "" 

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liy T. B. Petersca & Brothers, Philadelpkia, Pa. 



R 



14 T, B. PETERSOIT & BROTHERS' PUBLICATIONS. 
WORKS BY THE VERY BEST AUTHORS. 

The Conscript; or, the Days of Napoleon 1st. By Alex. Dumas,. ...$1 75 
Cousin Harry. By Mrs. Grey, author of " The Gambler's Wife," etc. 1 75 

Married at Last. A Love Story. By Annie Thomas, 1 75 

Shoulder Straps. By Henry Morford, author of "Days of Shoddy," 1 75 
Days of Shoddy. By Henry Morford, author of ''Shoulder Straps," 1 75 

The Coward. By Henry Morford, author of " Shoulder Straps," 1 75 

Above books are each in cloth, or each one is in paper cover, at $1.50 each. 
Harry Lorrequer. With His Confessions. By Charles Lever. Four 
different editions : one at 75 cents in paper cover, and three bound in 
cloth, viz. : Sterling Series, at $1.00, Peoples' Edition, at $1.50, and 
Library Edition, at $2.00. 
Charles 6'Malley, the Irish Dragoon. Four different editions : one at 75 
cents in paper cover, and three bound in cloth, viz. : Sterling Series, at 
$1.00, Peoples' Edition, at $1.50, and Library Edition, at $2.00. 

WORKS IN SETS BY THE BEST AUTHORS. 

Mrs. Emma D. E. N. Southworth's Popular Novels. 43 vols, in all, 75 25 

Mrs. Ann S. Stephens' Celebrated Novels. 23 volumes in all, 40 25 

Miss Eliza A. Dupuy's Works. Fourteen volumes in all, 24 50 

Mrs. Caroline Lee Hentz's Novels. Twelve volumes in all, 21 00 

Mrs. C. A. Warfield's Novels. Nine volumes in all, 15 75 

Erederika Bremer's Novels. Six volumes in all, 10 50 

T. Adolphus Trollope's Works. Seven volumes in all, 12 2S 

James A. Maitland's Novels. Seven volumes in all, 12 25 

Charles Lever's Works. Ten volumes in all, 20 00 

Alexander Dumas' Works. Twenty-one volumes in all, 36 75 

Gorge W. M. Reynolds' Works. Eighteen volumes in (I'l, 31 50 

Frank Fairlegh's Works. Six volumes in all, 10 5«'* 

Q. K. Philander Doestick's Novels. Four volumes in all, 7 00 

Cook Books. The best in the world. Eleven volumes in all, 19 25 

Henry Morford's Novels. Three volumes in all, 5 25 

Mrs. Henry Wood's Novels. Seventeen volumes in all, 29 75 

Emerson Bennett's Novels. Seven volumes in all, 12 25 

Green's Works on Gambling. Four volumes in all, 7 00 

American Humorous Works. Illustrated. Twelve volumes in all, 21 00 

Eugene Sue's Best Works. Three volumes in all, 6 00 

George Sand's Works. Consuelo, etc. Five volumes in all, 7 50 

George Lippard's Works. Five volumes in all, 10 00 

Dow's Short Patent Sermons. Four volumes in all, 6 00 

The Waverley Novels. National Edition. Five large 8vo. vols., cloth, 15 00 
Charies Dickens' Works. People's \2mo. Edition. 22 vols., cloth, ^4 00 
Charles Dickens' Works. Green Cloth l2mo. Edition. 22 vols., cloth, 44 00 
Charles Dickens' Works. Illustrated 12mo. Edition. 36 vols., cloth, 55 00 
Charles Dickens' Works. Illustrated 8vo. Edition. 18 vols., cloth, 31 50 
Charles Dickens' Works. New National Edition. 7 volumes, cloth, 20 00 



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CHARLES DICKENS' WORKS 

>«S=- GREAT REDUCTION IN THEIR PRICES. -"S» 



CHEAP PAPER COVER EDITION OF DICKENS' WORKS. 

Each hook being complete in one large octavo volume. 



Pickwick Papers, 50 

Nicholas Nickleby, 50 

Doinbey and Son, 50 

Our Mutual Friend 50 

David Copperfield 50 

Martin Chuzzl-wit,..., 60 

Old Curiosity Shop, 50 

Oliver Twist 50 

American Notes, 25 

H:ird Times, 25 

A Talc of Two Cities, 25 

Somebody's Luf»gnge, 25 

Mrs. Lirriper's Lodgings, 25 

Mrs. Lirriper's Legacy, 25 

Mugby Junction, 25 

Dr. Marigold's Prescriptions,... 25 

Mystery of Edwin Drood, 25 

Message from the Sea, 25 

Hunted Down; and Other Reprinted Pieces,.. 
PEOPLE'S DUODECIMO EDITION. 



Eleak House, 50 

Little Dorrit, , 50 

Christmas Stories, 60 

Barnaby Rudge, 60 

Sketches by " lioz," 50 

(Ireat Expectations, 50 

Joseidi Grimaldi 50 

The Pic-Nic Papers, 50 

The Haunted House, 25 

Uncommercial Traveller, 25 

A House to Lot, 25 

Perils of Engli>h Prisoners, 25 

Wreck of the Golden Mary, 25 

Tom Tiddler'rf Ground, 25 

Dickens' New Stories, 25 

Lazy Tour of Idle Apprentices,. 25 

The Holly-Tree Inn, 25 

No Thoroughfare, 25 

50 

ILLUSTRATED. 



Reduced in price from $2.50 to $1.50 a volume. 
This edition is printed on fine paper, from large, clear type, leaded, thd 
all can read, containing Two Hundred Illustrations on tinted paper. 



Our Mutual Friend, Cloth, $1.50 

Pickwick Papers, Cloth, 1.60 

Nicholas Nickleby Cloth, 1.50 

Great Expectations, Cloth, 1.50 

David Copperfield, Cloth, 1.50 

Oliver Twist, Cloth, 1.50 

Bleak House, Cloth, 1.50 

A Tale of Two Cities,. ..Cloth, 1.50 



Little Dorrit, Cloth, $1.50 

Dombey and Son, Cloth, 

Christmas Stories, Cloth, 

Sketches by " Boz," Cloth, 

Barnaby Ptudge, Cloth, 

Martin Chuzzlcwit, Cloth, 

Old Curiosity Shop, Cloth, 

Dickens' New Stories,. .Cloth, 



1.50 
1.50 
1.50 
1.50 
1.50 
1.60 
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1.50 
1.50 
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2.00 
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Mystery of Edwin Drood; and Master Humphrey's Clock, Cloth, 

American Notes; and the Uncommercial Traveller, Cloth, 

Hunted Down ; and other Reprinted Pieces, Cloth, 

The Holly-Tree Inn; and other Stories, Cloth, 

The Life and Writings of Charles Dickens, Cloth, 

John Jasper's Secret. Sequel to Mystery of Edwin Drood,. ..Cloth, 

Price of a set, in Black cloth, in twenty-two volumes, $34.00 

" « Full sheep, Library style, 45.00 

« " Half calf, sprinkled edges, 56.00 

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ILLUSTRATED OCTAVO EDITION. 

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David Copperfield, Cloth, $1.75 

Barnaby Rudge, Cloth, 1.V5 

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Old Curiosity Shop, Cloth, 1.75 

Christmas Stories, Cloth, 1.75 

Dickens' 'New Stories,... Cloth, 1.75 

A Tale of Two Cities,. ..Cloth, 1.75 
American Notes and 

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Our Mutual Friend, Cloth, $1.75 

Pickwick Papers, Cloth, 1.75 

Nicholas Nickleby, Cloth, 1.75 

Great Expectations, Cloth, 1.75 

Lamplighter's Story,.... Cloth, 1.75 

Oliver Twist, Cloth, 1.75 

Bleak House, Cloth, 1.75 

Little Dorrit, Cloth, 1.75 

Dombey and Son, Cloth, 1.75 

Sketches by " Buz," Cloth, 1.75 

Price of a set, in Black cloth, in eighteen volumes,...., $.'51.50 

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"NEW NATIONAL EDITION" OF DICKENS' WORKS. 

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THE LIFE AND WRITINGS OF CHARLES DICEENS. 

THE LIFE OF CHARLES DICKENS. By Dr. R. Shehon Mackenzie, 
containing a full history of his Life, his Uncollected Pieces, in Prose 
and Verse ; Personal Recollections and Anecdotes; His LajMVill in 
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>i^-GREAT REDUCTION IN THEIR PRICESr^ft 



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Thit edition is printed on the finest paper, from large, clear type, leaded 
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The follotoing are each contained in two volumes. 



Our Mutual Friend, Cloth, $3.00 

Pickwick Papers, Cloth, 3.0(1 

Tale uf'Two Cities, Cloth, 3.00 

Nicholas Nickleby, Cloth, 3.00 

David Copperfield, Cloth, 3.00 

Oliver Twist, Cloth, 3.00 

Christmas Stories, Cloth, 3.00 



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Little Dorrit, Cloth, 3.00 

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Price of a set, in thirty-six volumes, bound in cloth, $55.00 

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Wondrous Strange 50 Common Sense, 60 

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Eight and Left, 50 

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50 

50 


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5u 


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SOL SMITH'S THEATRICAL APPRENTICESHIP. Illustrated. 

SOL SMITH'S THEATRICAL JOURNEY-WORK. Illustrated. 

QUARTER RACE IN KENTUCKY. With Illustrations by Darley. 

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SAM SLICK'S YANKEE YARNS AND YANKEE LETTERS. 

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Rancy Cottem's Courtship, 

WITH EIGHT FULL PAGE ILLUSTRATIONS. 
BY M^JOR JOSEPH JOISTES. 



(OF riNEVILLE, GEORGIA.) 









>v 



2 « 



.2. *• 




II 






U 



« Rancy pulled his chair a little closer, and cdught hold of the thmul, while she went on knittin." 

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The Memoirs of a Physician; or, The Secret History of the Court of Louis the Fifteenth. 
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Six Years JLater; or. Taking of the Bastile. Being the "Third Series of the Memoirs of a 
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and the Opera of " La Tn-xviata" was adapted to the Stage. Paper cover, price $1.50 ; or in cloth, $1.75. 

l.ove and I.i!l»erty; or, A Man of the l»eo|»fle. (Bene Eesson.) A Thrilling Story 
of the French Itevolution of 1702-03. In one large duodecimo volume, paper cover, $1.50; cloth, $1.75, 

The Adventnres of a 5Iar«j5iis. Paper cover, $1 .00 ; or in one volume, cloth, for $1.75. 

The Forty-Five ^^ruardsniien. Paper cover, $1.00; or in one volume, cloth, for $1.75. 

I>iana of Meridor. Paper cover, $1.00; or in one volume, cloth, for $1.75. 

The Iron Mand. Price $1.00 in pap'^r cover, or in one volume, cloth, for $1.75. 

Isabel of IJavnria, <|,ii«en of France. In one largo octavo volume. Price 75 cents. 

Annette; or. The Lia^ly of the Pearls. A Companion to "Camille." I'rico 75 cente* 

The Fallen Angel. A Story of Love and Life in Paris. One large volume. Price 75 ceuta. 

The Mohicans of Pari.s. In one large octavo volume. Price 75 cents. 

The Horrors of Paris. In one large octavo volume. Price 75 cents. 

The Man v.Rth Five Wives. In ono large octavo volume. Price 75 cents. 

^Stii'tches in France. In one larse octavo volume. Price 75 cents. 

FeiJBjaile «''hans!j>5ire; or. The Female Fiend. Price 75 cents. 

The Twssa liiecit^Eiants; or, TSae SoSdier's Bride. Prire 75 cents. 

Madame de 4'hnmblay. In one large octavo volume. Price 50 cents. 

The JSlaeSt Tnlip. In one largo octavo volume. Price 50 cents. 

The <'orsican Krothers. In ono large octavo volume. Price 50 cents. 

Gforjye; or. The Planter of the Isle of France. Price 50 cents. 

The 4'oiint of Moret. In ono large octavo volume. Price 50 cents. 

The^Marria^-e Verdict. In one large octavo volume. Price 50 cents. 

lSua'ie<l Alive. In ono large octavo volume. Price 'Zd cents. 

JS^^ Above boohs are for sale by all Bool-sellers and Ncivs Agents, or copies of ai^ 
fma vr more, will be sent to any one, post-paid, on remitting j^rice to the Publishers^ 

T. B. FETEKSON & BKOTHEKS, Pliiladelpliia, P<%- 



Major Jqnes's Georgia Scenes. 

By Author of 'Major Jones's Courtship.' 







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Silence, fellers, silence! ' bawled out over a dozen at one time. , When .hey had become .omc^^^^^^^ 
. Major Jones mounted a chair, and read out .n a fi.l round tone, and ri^ . r,Vjp7„^i., "' ' 
'U^ . -i. .•-.- . .. < T)-_r,_ '.,.,^.,. .^ n^r,y,^^,'r,r^• at bid nust scvcn pri.cibtl\. —rage 1 — 



quiet, 

from ' Great Attraction,' to ' Performances 



ONE VOLUME, SQUA RE 12mo., PAPER COVE R. PRICE 75 CENTS. 

I5^3rajor Joneses Georgia Scenes isfor sale by all Booksellers and Ne^ts Agents or cojy 
ies will be sent at once, post-paid, on remitting Seventy-Five cents in a letter to the puhhshr-s, 
T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS, Pliiladelphia, Pa. 



PETEESOnS' DOLLAR SERIES 

OF GOOD AXD NEW NOVELS, ARE THE BEST, LAKGEST, AND 

CHEAPEST BOOKS IN THE WOELD. 
Price One Dollar Each, in ClotJi, Black and Gold, 



A. "WOMAN'S THOUGHTS ABOUT "WOMEIxT. By Miss Mulock. Every Lady wants it 
5? WO WAYS TO MATBIMONY; or, Is It Love, or, False Pride? 
TH-S STOEY OF "ELIZABETH." By Miss Thackeray, daughter of V/. M. Thackeray 
FLIRTATIONS IN FASHIONABLE LIFE. By Catharine Sinclair. 
THE MATCHMAKER. A Society NoTel. By Beatrice Reynolds. Full of freshness and truth. 
ROSE DOUGLAS, The Bonnie Scotch Lass. A companion to " Family Pride." 
THE EARL'S SECRET. A Charming and Sentimental Love Story. By Miaa Pardoe. 
FAMILY SECRETS. A companion to " Family Pride," and a very fascinating work. 
A LONELY LIFE. A Thrilling Novel in Pveal Life. 

THE MACDERMOTS OF BALLYCLORAN. An Exciting Novel by Anthony Trollope. 
THE FAMILY SAVE-ALL. With Economical Receipts for Breakfast, Dinner and Tea. 
SELF-SACRIFICE. A Charming and Exciting work. By author of " Margaret Maitland." 
THE PRIDE OF LIFE. A Love Story. By Lady Jane Scott. 

THE RIVAL BELLES ; or. Life in "Washington. By author "Wild Western Scenes." 
THE CLYFFARDS OF CLYFFE. By James Payn, author of " Lost Sir Massingberd. ' 
THE ORPHAN'S TRIALS ; or. Alone in a Great City. By Emei-son Bennett. 
5?HE HEIRESS OF S"WEETV/ATER. A Love Story, abounding with exciting scenes. 
THE REFUGEE. A delightful book, full of food for laughter, and sterling information. 
tiOST SIR MASSINGBERD. A Love Story. By author of "The Clyffards of Clyffe." 
CORA BELMONT; or, THE SINCERE LOVER. A True Story of the Heart. 
THE LOVER'S TRIALS ; or. The Days Before the Revolution. By Mrs. Denisoa 
MY SON'S "WIFE. A strong, bright, interesting, and charming Novel. By author of " Caste." 
AUNT PATTY'S SCRAP BAG. By Mrs. Caroline Lee Ilentz, author of " Linda," "Rena." 
SARATOGA ! AND THE FAMOUS SPRINGS. An Indian Tale of Frontier Life. 
COUNTRY QUARTERS. A Charming Love Story. By the Countess of Blessington. 
SELF-LOVE. A Book for Young Ladies, with their prospects in Single and Married Life contrasted. 
LOVE AND DUTY. A Charming Love Story. By Mrs. Hubback. 
THE DEVOTED BRIDE ; or, FAITH AND FIDELITY. A Love Story. 
THE HEIRESS IN THE FAMILY. By author of « Mairying for Mor ey." 
COLLEY CIBBER'S LIFE OF ED"WIN FORREST, with Remii iscences. 
THE MAN OF THE "WORLD. This is full of style, elegance of diction, and force of thought 
OUT OF THE DEPTHS. A Woman's Story and a Woman's Book, the Story of a Woman's Life 
THE QUEEN'S FAVORITE ; or. The Price of a Crown. A Romance of Don Juan. 
THE CAVALIER. A Novel. By G. P. R. James, author of " Lord Montagu's Page," 
THE RECTOR'S "WIPE; or, THE VALLEY OF A HUNDRED FIRES. 
THE COQUETTE; or, LIFE AND LETTERS OF ELIZA "WHARTON. 
"WOMAN'S "WRONG. A Book for Women. By Mrs. Eiloart. A Novel of great power. 
HAREM LIFE IN EGYPT AND CONSTANTINOPLE. By Emmeline Lott. 
THE OLD PATROON; or, THE GREAT VAN BROEK PROPERTY. 
THE BEAUTIFUL "WIDO^W. TREASON AT HOME. PANOLAI 

^^ The above Bonks are all is><ned in " Pefersons^ Dollar Series," and they will be found for sale 
ly all Boolcsdlers, News Agents, and on all Rzilroad trains, at One Dollar each, or copies of any one, 
TT more, will be sent to anyplace, at once, post-paid, on remitting i7i£ price of the ones wanted in a letter, te 

T. B. JPETEBSON <& BUOTIIBMS, BMladelj)Ma. 



MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS 

By Author of "Major Jones's Coxirtship." 










" Rays she to Major Jones, T'm a poor woman, my husban's sirk, won't yon hold this hmxllo for me t ^ u i ;:(i 
in tho'drng-storn for some mcdicin'. I did ko. p.t tin-d of wnitinp;. and walkod duwn to tln> hinip-iH^^t to h^-o 
what it was. « It waa a live baby,' and tlie swi-at iiourcd out of mo, I toil yon, in a stream. —1 aye 114. 

OxVE VOLUME, SQUARE 12ino., PAPER COVER. PRICE 75 CENTS. 

^^ Major Jones's Travels is for sale by all Boofa^cllers and Nnca Agents, or copies of 
it will be sent at once, post-paid, on remitting Sei-enty-Jive cents in a letter to the pid)l ishcrs, 
T. B. PETERSON & BIIOTIIERS, Pliihirtrlpliia, V.u 



MAJOR JONES'S I^OURTSHIP 



AND OTHER BOOKS BY MAJOR JONES, JUST PUBLISHED AND FOR SALE BY 

T- B. PETERSON & BROTHERS, PHILADELPHIA. 



Major Jones's Coiirtsliip. 

MAJOR JOMES'S COURTSHIP. Detailed, with Humorous Scenes, Inci- 
dents, and Adventures. By Major Joseph Jones, author of '' Rancy Cot- 
tem's Courtship," "Major Jones's Travels," "Major Jones's Georgia 
Scenes," etc. Kevised and Enlarged. With Twenty-One Full Page Illus- 
trations on Tinted Plate Paper, by Darley and Gary. One volume, 12mo., 
uniform with this volume, price 75 cents. 

Major Jones's Travels. 

MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS. Detailing his Adventures, Humorous 
Scenes, and Incidents, in each towa he passed through, while on his tour 
from Georgia to Canada. By Major Joseph Jones, author of " Major 
Jones's Courtship," " Rancy Cottem's Courtship," " Major Jones's Geor- 
gia Scenes," etc. With Eight Full Page Illustrations on Tinted Paper, 
by Darley. One volume, 12mo., uniform with this volume, price 75 cents. 

Major Jones's Georgia Scenes. 

MAJOR JONES'S GEORGIA SCENES. Comprising his celebrated Sketches 
of Georgia Scenes, with their Incidents and Cliaracters. By Major Joseph 
Jones, author of "Major Jones's Courtship," "Rancy Cottem's Court- 
ship," "Major Jones's Travels," etc. AVith Twelve Full Page Illustra- 
tions on Tinted Plate Paper, by Darley. One volume, 12mo., uniform with 
this volume, price 75 cents. 

Eancy Cottem's ConrtsMp. 

RANCY COTTEM'S COURTSHIP. With Other Humorous Stories. By 

Major Joseph Jones, author of " Major Jones's Courtship," " Major Jones's 
Travels," "Major Jones's Georgia Scenes," etc. With Eight Full Page 
Illustrations on Tinted Plate Paper, by Cary. One volume, 12mo., uniform 
with this volume, price 50 cents. 



}^' Above Boohs hy Major Jones, are for sale by all Boolcsellers and News 
Agents, or copies of any one or all of them, will be sent to a7iy one, to any place, 
at once, post-paid, on remitting the price of the ones wanted, to the publishers, 

T. B. PETERSON & BKOTIIEKS, FMladelpliia, Pa. 



Major Jones's Courtship 

WITH 21 FULL PAGE ILLUSTRATIONS. 
BY M^JOR JOSEPH JONES. 

(OF PIXEJILLE, GEOnOf tA 






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By this time the galls was holt of my coat-tail, hollcrin as JiarU as thoy could." 



ONE VOLUME, SQUARE 12mo., PAPER COVER. PRICE 75 CENTS 



J(J@°" Major Jones's Courtship is for sale by all Booksellers aiid News Agents, or copies ctj 
it will be sent at once, post-paid, on remitting Seventij-five cents in a letter to the publishas, 
T. B. PETERSON & BKOTIIEKS, riiila<leli)liia, Pa. 



Mrs. Southworth's Works. 

lACH IS IN ONE LARGE DUODECIMO VOLUME, MOROCCO CLOTH, GILT BACK, PRICE $1.75 EACH. 
All or any will be sent free of postage, everywhere, to all, on receipt of remittances. 

ISHMAEL; or, IN THE DEPTHS. (Being '*Se!f-!\^ade; or, Out of Depths." 
SELF-RASSED; op, From the Depths. The Sequel to "Ishmae!." 
THE PHANTOrvl WEDDING ; or, the Fai! of the House of Fiint. 
THE "MOTHEP.-iN^LAW;" or, MkUniED IN HASTE. 
TKE MiSSING B810E; or, MIRIAM, THE AVENGER. 
VICTOR'S TRIUMPH. The Sequel to "A Beautiful Fiend." 
A BEAUTIFUL FIEND; or, THROUGH THE FIRE. 

THE LADY OF THE ISLE; or, THE ISLAND PRINCESS. 
FAIR PLAY; or, BRITOiViARTE, THE IVIAN-HATER. 
HOW HE WON HER. The Sequel to "Fair Flay." 
THE CHANGED BRIDES ; or. Winning Her V^ ay. 
THE BRIDE S FATE. The Sequel to "The Changed Brides." 
CRUEL A3 THE GRAVE; or, Hallow Eve Mystery. 
TRIED FOR HER LIFE. The Sequel to " Cruel as the Grave." 
THE CHRlSTr^l.^S GUEST; or, The Crime and the Curse. 
THE LOST HEIR OF LINLITHGOV^; or, The Brothers. 
A NOBLE LORD. The Sequel to "The Lost Heir of Linlithgow." 
THE FAMILY DOOM; or, THE SIN OF A COUNTESS. 
THE MAIDEN WIDOW. The Sequel to "The Family Doom." 
THE GIPSY'S PROPHECY; or, The Bride of an Evening. 
THE FORTUNE SEEKER; or, Astrea, The Bridal Day. 
THE THREE BEAUTIES ; or', SHANNONDALE. 
FALLEN PRIDE; or, THE MOUNTAIN GiRL'S LOVE. 
THE DISCARDED DAUGHTER; or. The Children of the Isle. 
THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS; or, HICKORY HALL. ^ 

THE TV/0 SISTERS ; or, Virginia and Magdalene. 
THE FATAL MARRIAGE; or, ORVILLE DEVILLE. 
INDIA; or, THE PEARL OF PEARL RIVER. THE CURSE OF CLIFTOI^ 

THE WIDOW'S SON; or, LEFT ALONE. THE WIFE'S VICTORY 

THE MYSTERY OF DARK HOLLOW. THE SPECTRE LOVER. 

ALLWORTH ACBEY ; or, EUDORA, THE ARTIST'S LOVE. 

THE BR5DAL EVE; or, ROSE ELMER. THE FATAL SECRET. 

VIVIA; or, THE SECRET OF POV/ER. LOVE'S LABOR WON. 

THE HAUNTED HOMESTEAD. THE LOST HEIRESS. 

BRIDE OF LLEWELLYN. THE DESERTED WIFE. RETRIBUTION 

_^S^ Mrs. Southworth's wor':s will be found for sale by all Booksellers. 
I^S^ Copies of any one, or more of Mrs. Southworth's works, will be sent to «wj 
*>lacey at once, per mail, post-paid, on remitting price of ones wanted to the Publishers, 

T. B. PETERSON & BROTHEKS, Pliiladelpliia, Fa. 



Major Jones's Georgia Scenes. 

By Author of * Major Jones's Courtship.' 



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' ' Silence fellers silence t ' bawled out over a dozen at one time. When they had become somewhat ouiet 

yor Jonos'mlnt^d a chair,and read out in a full round tone. -"^ -fht o^ wuhout sp^^^^^^^ 

:'.i„ (.:» f,^™ . n.«o» Affrorfion ' tn ' Performances to commence at half-past seven precisely. — i^agc I.. 



whole bill, from 'Great Attraction,' to ' Performances to commence 



ONE VOLUME, SQUARE 12mo., PAPE R CO^ER . PRICE 75 CENTS. 

^^^Major Jones's Georgia Scenes w for sale by all BookseUers and News Ageixts, or copie» 
will be sent at once, post-paid, on remitting Seventy-Five cents in a letter to thep^iblishcrs, 

T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS, Philadelphia, Pa. 



ZOLA'S *NANil 

SEQUEL TO "L'ASSOM MOIR." 
Over 200,000 Copies Sold in Franc 

Price 75 Cents in Paper Cover, or $1.00 in Cloth. 

3Sr -A. 2>T 

SEQUEL TO "L'ASSOMMOIR." 

BIT ZSIKIIImZS !Z01mM 

Price 75 Cents in Paper, or ^i.oo in Cloth. 





L'ASSOIVIiyiOIR. 

BY ZSIHIIalS ZOIa^ 

Price 75 Cents in Paper, or ^i.oo in Cloth. 



"NANA" AND "L'ASSOMMOIR" by Emile Zola, are also publishe 

^f " New .?d"r ^fv' f ""•"?. l?\Tt'J^'"^ 43 of " Petersons- Do^krSer. 
ot JNew and Good Books." "NANA" and " L'ASSOMMOIR" are in 
style bound m Morocco Cloth, Black and Gold, price One Dollar each. 



Emile Zola's Other Books. 

75 Cents in Paper, or $1.25 in Cloth. 
HELENE; OE, UNE PAGE D'AMOUR. 
THE ABBE'S TEMPTATION. 

THE ROUGON-MACQUART FAMILY. 
THE CONQUEST OF PLASSAIJS. 
THE MARKETS OF PARIS. 



Major Jones's CourtshiJ 

^Tiil 

i 



MAJOR JONES'S COURTSHIP. Author's New 
written and Enlarged Edition. With twenty-one fu 
illustrations by Darley and Cary. Price 75 cents 

MAJOR JONES'S TRAVELS. With eight full page 
trations by Darley. By author of " Major Jones's 
ship. Price 75 cents. 

^^fl^J9,^^^'^. GEORGIA SCENES. With tv 



11 page illustrations by Darley. 



mU be sent to any one, to any place, at onee, per maU, po.t.paid, on ranUti^gprid t« 

T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS, Publishers, PhUadelphia, L, 



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